On being a believer in love with an atheist

[scatteroflight]

Love born of argument
you would never have believed possible
but sometimes love and hate live together
and you hate his denial
of (literally) all that's sacred
you hate him for seeing the world through different eyes
but you love those eyes

How can there be love without God?
so it must be one-sided
so much the worse for you
but then why his own vehemence?
He sketches a little universe with his hands
it hangs in air before your eyes
then his laughter destroys it
as he says: I, I myself am as much God
as anyone or anything

He cares enough
to wish for the destruction of God in my mind
and thus in my world
a strange sort of caring

His hands. I know them better than mine
smooth with small black hairs curling up the backs
and I think of divine hands, fingers,
Michelangelo's man and God
and I see our fingers touching in just that way
with the spark leaping between them
invisible but there

And then the morning
when you wake in a cold sweat
thinking you might be free again
and wondering just how far you would have gone
into his godless world
which you'll never know
but which he always said was beautiful too

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This poem isn't meant as an attack on atheists--it's just something I wrote quite a while ago about my perspective on one of the most painful experiences of my life, which happened even longer ago--but apparently not long enough.

 

[foray]

His hands. I know them better than mine
smooth with small black hairs curling up the backs
and I think of divine hands, fingers,
Michelangelo's man and God
and I see our fingers touching in just that way
with the spark leaping between them
invisible but there


Oh boy. I know exactly how you feel. Shit, shit... You reminded me of one tough decision I had to make some years back, too. (I left him.)

However, at the time I was not aware that the "do not marry an unbeliever" commandment was optional, so to speak. I mean, I have learnt that Paul said it because he felt it was best for couples not to have different spiritual backgrounds. It was advice rather than a commandment, really.

In fact, in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16:
12
To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.
13
And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.
14
For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
15
But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.
16
How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Oh dear, I didn't mean to come across as preachy (hope I didn't). Just wanted to share with you as well what I went through and learned. The bottom line is that we must be discerning about whether we can spend the rest of our lives with a person who doesn't share our spiritual beliefs (which to me sounds like a recipe for disaster).

I empathise with what you went through, still going through... I hope your faith makes up for the pain... and that the scars will heal. Take care! Beautiful poem you got there.

foray

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Not to know is bad. Not to want to know is worse. Not to hope is unthinkable. Not to care is unforgivable. -Nigerian saying

 

[tchlowlife]

I am personally On the other end of this, I would probably be the none believer and the lyric that is best for me specifically is by Peter Gabriel..
"IS that a crucifix or a dagger that you hold so tigtly in your hands? and there is this distance that comes in between you and me, I do not understand"

that is like having a relastionship with someone that their faith somehow gets in the way,

 

[popkidu2]

as someone who was "dumped for God"...it's hard for me to understand how you can love someone, yet give them up because they don't believe what you believe.

I didn't have a problem with her religion...why'd she have a problem with me not believing hers?????

nice poem though.....

 

[Bacchus]

Watch each one reach for creature comfort
For the filling of their holes

 

[scatteroflight]

Hey people, thanks for your comments. Popkidu2, I think this is for you in particular, just to clarify things--I was never "with" this guy, we were friends for two years, we used to argue about religion and U2--he was the biggest U2 fan I've known besides myself, I'd have to say a bigger one because he liked pretty much everything ever by them.

Anyway, he'd dated a friend of mine in high school who believed in God and he told me later that they broke up mainly because they argued a lot about that. So for a couple of years we had this very uneasy friendship, we had hours upon hours of discussions, a lot of them over email. At first I thought that was a good idea because it prevented us from killing each other

but I also realized that it made it a lot easier for us to say really hurtful things to each other. Anyway, the last few months we were friends I felt like I was in love with him, and that it had been coming for a long time. I now think it was mainly obsession, but I nearly went out of my mind because I knew there was no way it could work. I never found out if he liked me or not, sometimes I thought yes, sometimes no. I even wrote him a letter once but never gave it to him. I thought I would have a nervous breakdown. Eventually we had one more grand fight and just couldn't talk anymore. I thought it might kill me. I really kind of think now that he was just a jerk

I mean one of the last things he said to me was "the reason I act like I have no respect for your beliefs is because...I have no respect for them." But two years on I still think about him and wish that things could have worked out differently, somehow. It is so weird.

I take the thing about marrying only in the Lord pretty seriously precisely because of an incident like this in my life...

 

[Alisaura]

*wince* ouch... that'd be really nasty. My sympathies to those on both sides of the issue...
You didn't come across as preaching, foray (not to me at least), actually I find it really interesting what you said and quoted... just goes to show that religions like Christianity (and probably all the others) have good hearts but humans keep messing it up... I had no idea the Bible was so tolerant of things like that... I really must find a good "standard" version and have a read of it one day.

 

[tchlowlife]

In the blood of Eden lie the woman and the man
I feel the man in the woman and the woman in the man

very nice bacchas

 

[BabyGrace]

that's a really tough one scattero..

I wouldn't have problems with the Bible saying it's wrong but I'd have problems sharing a world with someone who I can't see the world through the same eyes with...
perhaps because I am blind

but love can bridge all gaps and heal all wounds...I hope things go better

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Win together today and we walk together forever.
-Fred Shero

 

[foray]

Thanks, alisaura...

scatteroflight, I just wanted to say again how much I enjoyed reading your poem. I find myself going back to it once in a while.

*thumbs up*
foray

 

[scatteroflight]

Thanks

 

[The Wanderer]

fascinating...

the one thing I will say is that I don't think it was the intent of God for religion or the lack thereof to divide people -- but it certainly has carved the world up into little pieces...

this poems flows so smoothly, I love that in a poem

 

[foray]

Since we are in the mood for 'old ones'.

foray

 

[scatteroflight]

Originally posted by foray:
Since we are in the mood for 'old ones'.

foray

Thanks foray--you know what? I started talking to him again. Just the beginning of the year. We resolved things. We still pretty much disagree on everything, but we were able to talk. It was a great relief to me. I even told him about having had a crush on him! I think he was surprised but not surprised.

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Your sun so bright it leaves no shadows, only scars
Carved into stone on the face of earth
The moon is up and over One Tree Hill
We see the sun go down in your eyes