Let it go

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oliveu2cm

Rock n' Roll Doggie FOB
Joined
Jun 22, 2001
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Live from Boston
Let it go

The skin sears and
rips, elements rush
forth rupturing & rolling
against the long-drawn
muscle.

Uncomfortable
uneasy, I let it push
through like a baby
bird's beak
emerges from its shell.
I wonder why then
why not.

He holds my hand
squeezes, new shapes
form and I breathe as
fear eases
screaming as it dies
suffocating without attention,
which only his hand
deserves.

__
:heart:
 
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fortress

fortress

i weld
without knowing
without stopping
an artist
a woman

sealing walls
perfectly encircling
separately.

You promise
a ring of heat
around my tower
glowing red
steadily to melt
my malleable steel.




___
:sigh::)
 
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the 1st one is so wonderfully ambiguous, you cleverly point out that life can be so homogenous, while sharing this symmetry on opposite ends of the spectrum, I love the concept, and you've hinted at some vastly different themes here, without comitting to any one

I'm not sure how to read the 2nd poem yet, an artist/ a woman, indeed... interesting too that you've gone away from the usual gender traditions; men -- usually associated with strong masculinity, of "steel," and women with passion and "heat"
 
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Thanks Wanderer. I sort of wrote these off the top of my head- about 10 min each.. That can be the best or sometimes the worst poetry :shrug: maybe the most honest at least.. I'm surprised but glad the first one makes sense! Sometimes I use too many round-about-words that end up making the poems vague.

The Wanderer said:

I'm not sure how to read the 2nd poem yet, an artist/ a woman, indeed... interesting too that you've gone away from the usual gender traditions; men -- usually associated with strong masculinity, of "steel," and women with passion and "heat"

:up: good observations, I wouldn't have noticed if you didn't point out. It's funny isn't it when people of the opposite sex express sentiments that are not 'norm'ally associated with their sex. I wonder if this allows more men to relate, or excludes more women.

Thanks again for reading, and responding.


*edited to add that - the first paragraph came instantly in that "Fortress" poem, and I wrote th rest out and was tempted to go back and rewrite something about "drawing worlds together" or whatever, healing, something that a woman normally does. I even tried it but nothing came. strong stereotype at work, trying to get me to conform to expressing how a woman "normally" welds? :shrug: sometimes, she can't do it all...
 
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I agree with Wanderer about the ambiguity in the first one. It seems erotic at first, and also grotesque in imagery, in some ways.

2nd poem. I'm not sure about the artist/woman lines either. But the rest of it seems to be talking about a woman's duality: she is both strong (fortress) and something to be conquered (tower), both solid and liquid. Almost like you're saying Woman is a fusion of female and male. Perhaps a woman's "art" lies in building up her fortress, and what she is, as a woman simply, is in fact the liquid form of steel: adaptable, surrender-able, yet still strong.

Or I might be getting carried away. Not meant to come across as uber feminist. :D


foray
 
Thanks Foray! I like getting everyone's feedback, it makes me see/think things I hadn't before.

I wonder what it is about the woman/artist line that affected both of you- is it simply bad poetry, or is the feelings/image or whatever that the words together evoke? :huh:


foray said:
But the rest of it seems to be talking about a woman's duality: she is both strong (fortress) and something to be conquered (tower), both solid and liquid.

well, I think you hit it. and how hard it is to find an even ground in that world, and how amazing/weird it is when someone does ground you..(what you said about being strong but still being able to surrender).

i'm liking the woman POV in this poem, and how you guys are responding to it, it's v. interesting to me, thanks!

:) Olive
 
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