I grabbed a floppy to save some pictures on when I came across a document called "Osborn", which I had written after transferring from university to go to community college and live at home. I had forgotten that I had written it...the reason I had written it was so I wouldn't forget about my final time there. I wanted to share it with you all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leaving Osborn
Osborn Hall. It had become my home, my family, my life. It was all I had wanted all summer, ever since my dad and I moved from Menominee, the only place I had ever known, down to Saginaw about two weeks after I graduated from high school. It was the loneliest summer I had ever spent; Dad worked 12 to 16 hour days most of the time, and my only company were my pets and strangers in Internet chat rooms.
Although my parents were divorced, they still got along, and, when the time for me to leave for college came, Mom came down to Saginaw to help. The morning I left was one of the hardest moments of my life, but it was also one of the most welcome, as this was what I had dreamed about since I was five years old. While it was hard saying goodbye to my cat Whiskers (she?s been my best friend for over 10 years) and my other pets, I could not wait to get to school.
The car ride took about 5 hours. It was the longest and shortest 5 hours of my life, if that can make sense. I guess you can only understand it if you?ve experienced it.
When we got to Osborn, we found my room: 335 Osborn. Esther, my roommate, had already arrived, and most of her stuff was unloaded. It was hard to just find room to get my boxes in, let alone unpack them.
Esther and I got along at first, but the friendship slowly began to fade, as we discovered we could not live together. So, once again, I felt lonely, as I was slow to make other friends. I think that my first real friends were Vladimir and Poseidon, my fish I had bought at Wal*Mart on September 9th.
Eventually though, I met a lot of people, and a lot of them became my friends. Esther also moved out of our room, which made me feel better because we could now actually get along. After a summer of loneliness, I had found what I wanted: friends. It hurt me a lot though that none of my friends from Menominee kept in touch with me (except for Miranda and Dan?s occasional emails).
A lot of things outside of college changed while I was there. My parents, after being divorced for over a year, got remarried, and my sister got back together with her ex-fianc?, and they bought a house together. A lot of things with my friends changed as well. One of my closest friends from Menominee moved an hour away to Green Bay, Wisconsin, and many other friends who were in couples broke up, while my single friends seemed to all be hooking up with others.
It was time for a change for me as well. One night, while lying in bed and contemplating my future as elementary teacher, I decided to change my major and do something computer-related. After much research, I realized that LSSU wouldn?t be the best school for what I wanted to do. I then decided that it would make more sense, considering my major and the cost, to transfer to Delta College, the community college by Saginaw, and to just live at home.
Once I decided that, I felt as though a great weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. While it would hurt to leave, I really didn?t feel as though I had many friends at school, and I couldn?t wait to be at home with my parents and my pets, especially Whiskers.
I started packing up my room the week before finals started, as I knew it would be easier to study in a bare room without many distractions, and then I wouldn?t have to worry about having so much stuff to pack up.
First, I took down all of my Christmas stuff, which really pained me, as Christmas is my very favorite holiday. Then, I took down all of my posters, which pained me as well, as I wouldn?t be able to stare at pictures of U2 when my mind began to wander from my studies.
My room was pretty much packed up by the time finals rolled around. The three days I had finals seemed to breeze by, and then Thursday came, meaning that I had one day left before my parents came to move me out for good.
I was awakened at about 9:30 A.M. on Thursday by a phone call from Michelle, a friend on first floor; she had called to tell me she was going to be leaving. I got out of bed and walked downstairs.
The door to her room was open, and I walked inside. We hugged each other, and it took everything inside of me to not cry. Then, that new song, I think it?s by Matchbox 20, came on her TV. ?If you?re gone?maybe it?s time to come home.? I left her room, and, as soon as I began walking upstairs, I began to cry. It was one of those cries where the tears fall so very fast and steady, yet one doesn?t make a sound as the cry; the tears just run down constantly.
I went back to my room to pack more stuff. I wanted to have fun on my last full day at LSSU as well, so I challenged my newest friend Joel to a rematch game of King of the Mountain, even though I was still horribly bruised and sore from the first match. Once again, I lost, not even knocking him down once. My best move was an ice ball to a rather strategic spot.
I spent my last night at school with Jill, another girl on first floor. We hung out in her room and talked about anything and everything. We were going to do our laundry together, but she ended up having to go to Brady Hall to talk to somebody, so I did our laundry alone.
There was not another soul in the laundry room, as Osborn was fairly empty by then. I remember watching an episode of The Jeffersons, but I couldn?t tell anybody what it was about, as I do not even remember.
When my laundry was finished, and Jill?s was all in dryers, I went up to my room. It was about 3:00 A.M.
I watched TV for awhile, but I found I could not sleep; all I wanted to do was cry. It had finally begun to sink in that Osborn wouldn?t be my home anymore. The fact that I still could not consider Saginaw a home to me brought no comfort, as I felt like I was leaving my home to go to some strange place. It was as if I was leaving Menominee to go to Saginaw all over again. I began to feel so depressed that I tried to call my friend John in Virginia, but he must have been in a deep sleep, as he would not wake up to answer his phone.
A thought struck me again that had crept into my mind earlier in the week. I realized that the entire time I had lived in Osborn, I had never been over to ?small side?, as I never had a reason to go anywhere but the ?large side?.
Now around 4:00 A.M., I got out of my bed, and I decided that I was going to walk through every hallway in Osborn one last time, starting with the small side. Small side is actually kind of depressing, as almost nobody has their door decorated. It seemed like a whole different world from large side. I guess, in a way, it was, or at least it was its own little community.
I walked through every other wing in Osborn as well, and I stopped to read every single thing on every person?s door, if they had anything on it to read. I also looked out every window that I passed, just to see what it looked at everyday. I had tears in my eyes during my entire exploration. I wanted to knock on everybody?s door that I knew, just to talk about something, anything?anything to take my mind off of that fact that I was leaving everybody and everything I had come to know and love my first semester away from home. I knew it was too early in the morning to do that though, as it was now approaching 5:00 A.M.
I sat in the 320?s lounge for awhile, just crying to myself. Then stood in front of the window and just looked out at everything, enjoying the view while I still had the chance?the road?the lights reflecting off of the snow?the trees?2 Brady Boys waving at me through their window and jumping up and down?
You can?t see things like that just anywhere. Nope, only at Osborn from that particular view at that particular time could I see everything that I was seeing at that moment. I will hold onto that moment, for as little or as much significance as it has in my life.
I knew that I had to go to bed, or at least get back to my room, or my crying was going to wake up Patricia.
I left the 320?s lounge and returned to 335 Osborn, wondering how many more times I would be returning to it before leaving tomorrow.
The next day went by in a blur. I packed everything up and hauled it out into the 330?s lounge so I could begin cleaning my room. I sat in my windowsill and watched as people below loaded up their vehicles. I watched Leanna drive away, and I felt like another part of my life was gone. I said goodbye to and hugged Necole and Amanda, and there went another part of me. Everything around me was dying.
I was one of the last people in Osborn. My parents arrived at around 3:30, and we loaded everything up. When everything was out of my room, it was time to turn in my mattress pads and key to the housing office.
Mom had me double check all of my drawers to make sure I remembered to take everything (even though I had already double checked them at least a dozen times). I closed the curtains in my room, and I walked to the door. Mom was standing out in the hallway, waiting for me (Dad was still hauling stuff down to the Suburban). I looked into my room, and the tears began to fall. I reached out, grabbed the doorknob, whispered, ?Goodbye, room,? and closed the door slowly. I inserted the key into the lock even slower, and it took me what seemed like an eternity to actually turn the key to lock it and slide the key out. I began to walk away, and Mom said, ?You can look in there one more time, if you want.? I said, ?No, I don?t think I can.? With that, I walked away from 335 Osborn forever, no longer being able to call it my room, or, as I had been calling it all semester, ?my home?. I choked back tears like I would do at a funeral because that is what it felt like to me.
Mom walked with me to the housing office. I turned in my mattress pads, slid the key quietly across the counter, wished the lady a Merry Christmas, and left.
Then, it was time to leave Osborn. Dad had finished loading the Suburban, and it was time to go. Mom and Dad sat in the front, and I sat in the back with Vladimir and Poseidon. We pulled away, and I tried so hard to hold back my tears, but it was impossible. I knew that I was doing what I wanted to do, but it was still so very hard.
I sit in my bedroom in Saginaw now, as I write this. Dad still works long hours, Mom is busy cleaning up after all of our pets (we now have 2 dogs, 4 cats, a newt, and my 2 fish from school), and she is also combing real estate ads for homes, as we are hoping to buy a house in the spring/summer (we are renting half of a duplex right now). Whiskers is sitting on my lap, curled up and sleeping; she has not left my side since I?ve gotten home. I?ve come to accept the fact that Saginaw is my home now, as funny as it seems to say that. I?m hoping I?ll make some friends when I start Delta College.
I?ll never forget my time I spent at Osborn. It was my first venture at life on my own. While I don?t know how successful I was at it, I made it through for a semester. Does that make me a failure because I didn?t stay for the year? Or does it make me successful because I made it through a whole semester?
Maybe it?s both.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leaving Osborn
Osborn Hall. It had become my home, my family, my life. It was all I had wanted all summer, ever since my dad and I moved from Menominee, the only place I had ever known, down to Saginaw about two weeks after I graduated from high school. It was the loneliest summer I had ever spent; Dad worked 12 to 16 hour days most of the time, and my only company were my pets and strangers in Internet chat rooms.
Although my parents were divorced, they still got along, and, when the time for me to leave for college came, Mom came down to Saginaw to help. The morning I left was one of the hardest moments of my life, but it was also one of the most welcome, as this was what I had dreamed about since I was five years old. While it was hard saying goodbye to my cat Whiskers (she?s been my best friend for over 10 years) and my other pets, I could not wait to get to school.
The car ride took about 5 hours. It was the longest and shortest 5 hours of my life, if that can make sense. I guess you can only understand it if you?ve experienced it.
When we got to Osborn, we found my room: 335 Osborn. Esther, my roommate, had already arrived, and most of her stuff was unloaded. It was hard to just find room to get my boxes in, let alone unpack them.
Esther and I got along at first, but the friendship slowly began to fade, as we discovered we could not live together. So, once again, I felt lonely, as I was slow to make other friends. I think that my first real friends were Vladimir and Poseidon, my fish I had bought at Wal*Mart on September 9th.
Eventually though, I met a lot of people, and a lot of them became my friends. Esther also moved out of our room, which made me feel better because we could now actually get along. After a summer of loneliness, I had found what I wanted: friends. It hurt me a lot though that none of my friends from Menominee kept in touch with me (except for Miranda and Dan?s occasional emails).
A lot of things outside of college changed while I was there. My parents, after being divorced for over a year, got remarried, and my sister got back together with her ex-fianc?, and they bought a house together. A lot of things with my friends changed as well. One of my closest friends from Menominee moved an hour away to Green Bay, Wisconsin, and many other friends who were in couples broke up, while my single friends seemed to all be hooking up with others.
It was time for a change for me as well. One night, while lying in bed and contemplating my future as elementary teacher, I decided to change my major and do something computer-related. After much research, I realized that LSSU wouldn?t be the best school for what I wanted to do. I then decided that it would make more sense, considering my major and the cost, to transfer to Delta College, the community college by Saginaw, and to just live at home.
Once I decided that, I felt as though a great weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. While it would hurt to leave, I really didn?t feel as though I had many friends at school, and I couldn?t wait to be at home with my parents and my pets, especially Whiskers.
I started packing up my room the week before finals started, as I knew it would be easier to study in a bare room without many distractions, and then I wouldn?t have to worry about having so much stuff to pack up.
First, I took down all of my Christmas stuff, which really pained me, as Christmas is my very favorite holiday. Then, I took down all of my posters, which pained me as well, as I wouldn?t be able to stare at pictures of U2 when my mind began to wander from my studies.
My room was pretty much packed up by the time finals rolled around. The three days I had finals seemed to breeze by, and then Thursday came, meaning that I had one day left before my parents came to move me out for good.
I was awakened at about 9:30 A.M. on Thursday by a phone call from Michelle, a friend on first floor; she had called to tell me she was going to be leaving. I got out of bed and walked downstairs.
The door to her room was open, and I walked inside. We hugged each other, and it took everything inside of me to not cry. Then, that new song, I think it?s by Matchbox 20, came on her TV. ?If you?re gone?maybe it?s time to come home.? I left her room, and, as soon as I began walking upstairs, I began to cry. It was one of those cries where the tears fall so very fast and steady, yet one doesn?t make a sound as the cry; the tears just run down constantly.
I went back to my room to pack more stuff. I wanted to have fun on my last full day at LSSU as well, so I challenged my newest friend Joel to a rematch game of King of the Mountain, even though I was still horribly bruised and sore from the first match. Once again, I lost, not even knocking him down once. My best move was an ice ball to a rather strategic spot.
I spent my last night at school with Jill, another girl on first floor. We hung out in her room and talked about anything and everything. We were going to do our laundry together, but she ended up having to go to Brady Hall to talk to somebody, so I did our laundry alone.
There was not another soul in the laundry room, as Osborn was fairly empty by then. I remember watching an episode of The Jeffersons, but I couldn?t tell anybody what it was about, as I do not even remember.
When my laundry was finished, and Jill?s was all in dryers, I went up to my room. It was about 3:00 A.M.
I watched TV for awhile, but I found I could not sleep; all I wanted to do was cry. It had finally begun to sink in that Osborn wouldn?t be my home anymore. The fact that I still could not consider Saginaw a home to me brought no comfort, as I felt like I was leaving my home to go to some strange place. It was as if I was leaving Menominee to go to Saginaw all over again. I began to feel so depressed that I tried to call my friend John in Virginia, but he must have been in a deep sleep, as he would not wake up to answer his phone.
A thought struck me again that had crept into my mind earlier in the week. I realized that the entire time I had lived in Osborn, I had never been over to ?small side?, as I never had a reason to go anywhere but the ?large side?.
Now around 4:00 A.M., I got out of my bed, and I decided that I was going to walk through every hallway in Osborn one last time, starting with the small side. Small side is actually kind of depressing, as almost nobody has their door decorated. It seemed like a whole different world from large side. I guess, in a way, it was, or at least it was its own little community.
I walked through every other wing in Osborn as well, and I stopped to read every single thing on every person?s door, if they had anything on it to read. I also looked out every window that I passed, just to see what it looked at everyday. I had tears in my eyes during my entire exploration. I wanted to knock on everybody?s door that I knew, just to talk about something, anything?anything to take my mind off of that fact that I was leaving everybody and everything I had come to know and love my first semester away from home. I knew it was too early in the morning to do that though, as it was now approaching 5:00 A.M.
I sat in the 320?s lounge for awhile, just crying to myself. Then stood in front of the window and just looked out at everything, enjoying the view while I still had the chance?the road?the lights reflecting off of the snow?the trees?2 Brady Boys waving at me through their window and jumping up and down?
You can?t see things like that just anywhere. Nope, only at Osborn from that particular view at that particular time could I see everything that I was seeing at that moment. I will hold onto that moment, for as little or as much significance as it has in my life.
I knew that I had to go to bed, or at least get back to my room, or my crying was going to wake up Patricia.
I left the 320?s lounge and returned to 335 Osborn, wondering how many more times I would be returning to it before leaving tomorrow.
The next day went by in a blur. I packed everything up and hauled it out into the 330?s lounge so I could begin cleaning my room. I sat in my windowsill and watched as people below loaded up their vehicles. I watched Leanna drive away, and I felt like another part of my life was gone. I said goodbye to and hugged Necole and Amanda, and there went another part of me. Everything around me was dying.
I was one of the last people in Osborn. My parents arrived at around 3:30, and we loaded everything up. When everything was out of my room, it was time to turn in my mattress pads and key to the housing office.
Mom had me double check all of my drawers to make sure I remembered to take everything (even though I had already double checked them at least a dozen times). I closed the curtains in my room, and I walked to the door. Mom was standing out in the hallway, waiting for me (Dad was still hauling stuff down to the Suburban). I looked into my room, and the tears began to fall. I reached out, grabbed the doorknob, whispered, ?Goodbye, room,? and closed the door slowly. I inserted the key into the lock even slower, and it took me what seemed like an eternity to actually turn the key to lock it and slide the key out. I began to walk away, and Mom said, ?You can look in there one more time, if you want.? I said, ?No, I don?t think I can.? With that, I walked away from 335 Osborn forever, no longer being able to call it my room, or, as I had been calling it all semester, ?my home?. I choked back tears like I would do at a funeral because that is what it felt like to me.
Mom walked with me to the housing office. I turned in my mattress pads, slid the key quietly across the counter, wished the lady a Merry Christmas, and left.
Then, it was time to leave Osborn. Dad had finished loading the Suburban, and it was time to go. Mom and Dad sat in the front, and I sat in the back with Vladimir and Poseidon. We pulled away, and I tried so hard to hold back my tears, but it was impossible. I knew that I was doing what I wanted to do, but it was still so very hard.
I sit in my bedroom in Saginaw now, as I write this. Dad still works long hours, Mom is busy cleaning up after all of our pets (we now have 2 dogs, 4 cats, a newt, and my 2 fish from school), and she is also combing real estate ads for homes, as we are hoping to buy a house in the spring/summer (we are renting half of a duplex right now). Whiskers is sitting on my lap, curled up and sleeping; she has not left my side since I?ve gotten home. I?ve come to accept the fact that Saginaw is my home now, as funny as it seems to say that. I?m hoping I?ll make some friends when I start Delta College.
I?ll never forget my time I spent at Osborn. It was my first venture at life on my own. While I don?t know how successful I was at it, I made it through for a semester. Does that make me a failure because I didn?t stay for the year? Or does it make me successful because I made it through a whole semester?
Maybe it?s both.
