July

[ghetofabu]

the fifth of July
the day after an important one
I got that call
you know the one
the hello to say goodbye
I think we all know it is coming
in later reflection we admit it to ourselves
I did
it was two am maybe three
there was small talk
then the casually dropped bomb
I was surprisingly calm
I don't know why
and to this day I still don't
I remember pieces of the conversations
does she feel the same way
yes
I've known her since I was a child
oh
you are taking this really well
it doesn't do anyone any good for me to cry
would it make you feel better if I was screaming at you
yes
I was sitting in the dark on the floor
I have no memory of the end of the conversation
I remember hanging up the phone
I remember breaking down and crying in the dark
in years past and to this day
I don't think I have ever felt as alone or as sad as I did
lying on the floor of that room
crying and screaming
years have past and the pain has dulled
he married her and she is expecting
I suppose that should be some consolation that she was the one
it is not
a part of me died that night
crying and screaming on that floor in the dark
a part of me that I will have to live without
for the rest of my life

 

[foray]

It must not have been easy sharing this.


foray

 

[The Wanderer]

...

 

[zooropamanda]

..

 

[Blue_Angel]

.

 

[ghetofabu]

It must not have been easy sharing this.


foray

This happened in 1999. I would not talk about it for a long time. They say something good comes out of every thing and it was true about that night. There was this girl who came and helped me that night. We are really good friends now. She came and took care of me. I was really messed up and she ended up giving me one of her valum to calm me down. I have never ever been like that before. I just now last week wrote something about it. I don't know why. It felt like it was time. It has been sitting in my head for the last three and a half years. I think it was just out of the blue that I thought it was time. I don't know what it means.