It all feels so empty

[U1]

It all feels so empty
So hollow
I bet that if it bursts, nothing will come out
I'm searching for the pit
Digging a little deeper
I know I will find nothing more than what's on the exterior
It's a dish without ingredients
It's a trip without landscapes
A help without a hand
But even tramps are moved
The streetlight set that sinister sidewalk on fire
So long, so steep,
What's the rush?
I know I'll be up there some day
Reminiscing what it's like down here.
Oh no, not snow!
That sand from frozen ends
Flying about like dead leaves that think they're birds.
But someone told me to stop
Right,
It all feels so empty.

 

[For Honor]

.......

 

[wizard2c]

reply

Emptiness......very good writing...........

"It all feels so empty
so hollow......."

There is a definite void wth the bond which holds mankind together.

For Honor....that look down the stairway of time is an interesting characterization of what some call "life". It is a good image.

I need to hasten my paces.......the fellowship awaits........it's just a matter of time until the journey begins.

carol
wizard2c

 

[AcrobatMan]

surprised at only 2 response..

this is really really good one..

i like it..

 

[AcrobatMan]

It
Flying about like dead leaves that think they're birds.

how did u think of this..its great

 

[youtooellen]

It's a dish without ingredients
It's a trip without landscapes
A help without a hand
But even tramps are moved
The streetlight set that sinister sidewalk on fire

wow, great writing U1

the piece itself gives off it's own vibe of emptiness... but.. a good kind of emptiness I guess. it's exploding with emotion, but it's disguised in those beautiful lines you wrote.

once again, great writing

 

[SunBloc]

Loved it U1!! I used to live in Clermont-Ferrand, France for a while and can really relate to the deep feelings associated with the onset of Fall & Winter in there. Even though I love France, the days get so gray and lifeless - no sun at all. Maybe it was just CF! The good thing is that France just about beats anywhere in the world in Spring & Summer. (Bad for me now!)

 

[For Honor]

I have a hard time responding to thngslike this, so don't take

"..............."

as something negative. I'm not the writer I once was, it seems, so my tastes have changed. However, your latest work, I like it a lot.

 

[ZeroDude]

It all feels so empty and it is obvious that "it" does, I'm sorry to say that I really don't think much of this at all, there's no discernable, no rhythmic metre, no clever wordplay and a lot of the phrases that you've used appear to be horribly clichéd at least in my opinion.

Although what defines something as art is a purely subjective matter and if I’m to be honest I really don't feel this warrants much attention.

Of course this is all subjective and to be honest I can say that Thom Yorke is a terrible lyricist but that doesn't mean it's true.

 

[AcrobatMan]

zerodude

 

[ZeroDude]

"There's no discernable flow"

Is what should be wrote in my previous post.

And AcrobatMan we're all entitled to opinions aren't we.

 

[For Honor]

We all give what we want to most receive.....


at least in some cases.

And I think this is the case with ZD.

I basically said the same thing as ZD, I just covered it up, for once

 

[AcrobatMan]

And AcrobatMan we're all entitled to opinions aren't we.

this is really good...i mean ..i am not a fan of rhymes..because most of the times its forced...

well the words are simple..but I love them all..it is not cliched...

may be its just me..may be it fits me best