"In his eyes..(is where you catch your breath)" and "silver sky"

[Courtneys Love]

Hi can i please have some feedback on these two short poems,..thanx xx

"in his eyes(is where you catch your breath)"

He casts a golden shadow
in blue shimmer oceans
and twisterd spring bends
the waters touch
the depth,
the cold,
the chills,
never simuler never the same,
he trecks through the fields,
through the rough
without a coat he chases the summer rain..
never simuler never the same.

"silver sky"

silver sky
septembers star has shone
the sand is lit
the day has gone
when the shore creeps in
and you feel a chill
the night so black
so deep so dark
..you could take your hand
and reach right in

 

[bonosloveslave]

I really like both of these

 

[my_kite]

Very good!! Me like very very much!!


It's felt and honest...to be more precise!! I love to read this stuff...keep up!!

 

[Cute Irish Bono]

Great, Silver Sky is my favorite.