I'm Dreaming Out Loud for the 1st time!

[BluRmGrl]

OK - this is the first thing I've written in a VERRRRRY long time and it was done this morning about 3:30 with very little editing.
I hope it doesn't suck and I look forward to any critiques you may care to leave.

-Blu

"IN"
I want to get into your clothes -
Not sexually,
But the way someone's cologne
lingers on you long after an embrace.
The way smoke permeates
everything you have on and your hair.
Like a partially recalled dream
that haunts you all day as you try to fully remember it.
I want to get into you like the warm rush of alcohol
as it enters your bloodstream.
Like the sun that soaks into
too pale flesh and makes it burn.
I want to occupy every corner of your mind
until you want to take your brain
out of your skull and scrub it clean with a wire brush.
I want you to erase me
from your mind
Only to immediately put me back again.
You should ache to hear my voice,
see my smile,
feel my touch -
Just to detest yourself for wanting it.
Your longing for my attention
should be so strong
It makes you despise me.
This is how I want to get into you....
Like you've gotten into me.

 

[ZeroDude]

Very nice, creates a lovely wee picture in a vacuum of despair, also I never revise of edit at all really spontaeity brings better results imo

 

[BluRmGrl]

Thanks for the comments, Zero. They're much appreciated.

And you hit the nail on the head - "despair" was EXACTLY what I was aiming for. Good to know my vocabulary skills are still in tact.