I wrote a song with no tune, melody, or chorus!

[Loafer]

Hi everyone! Last nite I had to write an essay, and i didn't really feel like it and it was like 3 in the morning and i had drank way to much coffee and so this strange inspiration hit me and I wrote a poem! But it sort of turned into song lyrics on me instead!

The only thing is, I don't have a chorus or anything and I can't sing or write music so I guess its a poem done in a music lyric style! So before I give it to you, please note: It's in a very rough form! There's only an intro and four sections of verse, no chorus! Here ya go:

Intro:
Emotion eludes me
Sensation ignores me
Perception escapes me
Worry subdues me


Madly hyperactive
sugar-coated brain
Quickly overheating
In this wooden frame

The couch has consumed me
My eyes will not close
This blinking black box
and its hypnotic glow

Stale beer and pizza
Bathrobe and Stink
The sweat of my body
Glues me to my seat

Static immobility
While outside my window
Color, noise, and energy
People come and people go

Outro:
Color escapes me
Sensation ignores me
Emotion eludes me
Worry subdues me

You can kinda see how the song would work. Weirdo intro and a matching ending and then with the song structure, there's four sections of verse so it would be a slow build-up and a slow song. Like the first verse would be sung, and then a crazy drum beat thing like it wants to go into a chorus, but then it slows back down, sing the next verse, and THEN the chorus!

The chorus that I haven't invented yet...

Anyways, this is what I did last nite instead of homework! Tell me what you think about my poem/song/weird thing!

 

[Alisaura]

That is very cool! Great stuff... song, poem, weird thing, it works well as all three I reckon. it's a lot more concise than some of the stuff I blurt out...

 

[zooropamanda]

loafer, film extraordinaire.....

this can be the themesong to your U2 doco!!

So you gotta now figure out a way to get Bono to sing it. I can just hear him on the 'Emotion eludes me. Sensation ignores me
Perception escapes me,Worry subdues me'
Yeah baby!

Alright, im starting to think zooropamanda should become this film's creative consultant.

'the sweat of my body glues me to my seat'.

Never before have there been more honestly sharing words written

I love it!!!

more, more film boy!

 

[Achtung_Bebe]

Yaaaaay Loafer great to see ya in here!

I really like what you did with this! As Zoomanda said, it's very honestly written -- it's like I can imagine you sitting there hypnotized by your television set with flat beer and staling pizza as you forget about your homework obligations! LOL Very cool!

 

[Loafer]

LOL, zooropamanda, you can be my film producer any time!!!!!!!!!

Thanks guys, I love what you all write in this section of the forum and I'll definitely become a regular around here!