FH's thread - I'll write more over time

[For Honor]

I feel ill


this isn't apoem or anything, just an account of what's gong on, a snapshot




I keep dozing off, have been for the last 2 hours, since about 10pm

I'm waiting to get in touch with someone, but they are not around

I feel sick - warm, but also from the chocolate cookies I ate, which are irritating my gums, which I smashed yesterday and are really sensastive, and my mouth feels disgusting

I'm tired
But not

I had a dream



My stepmother and I were in the care, coming hom to NY from vermont or something. We were in vermont at the time, and she said something nice, and she was driving, and I leaned over to give her a sort of hug, but just as I was doing that, I see our car, looking through the windshield, as we crash into another car.

The accident is small, and the guy in the other car is fine, nice, everything goes smoothly. Apparently it's not as bad as I thought it was.

But anyhow, next thing I know it is me driving home alone. My stepmother is somewhere else, and I'm still driving home from vermont, but I'm lost, and have no idea.

I'm vaugely remembering some roads - very realistic - but then an uinrealistic part when I pull into a sort of modern school. I stumble in, but when I do, I' musing this communication device, and I see someone has called, but I don't know what to do because it's not mine, it's my stepmothers. It goes off just as I run into someone, but I make an excuse, a cover up abuot the device and just ask for directions

She pulls out this odd map

And just after I mention I want to go to where i live in NY, the dream ends, and I wake upp


Feeling like crap.




I felt so bad, almost helpless, in the car driving by myself. Not because my stepmother was hurt or anything.... no.... because I .... I was asked "Are you sure you know how to get back on your own"

I was saying yes, very convincingly so
But I had no idea. I lied
I lied trying to make something better, but
I isolated myself and made myself alone
I felt very alone in that car by myself, driving.


I felt disgusting

I felt responsible for causing the accident, because for some reason I wanted to give my stepmother a hug while I was in the passenger seat of the car.
I felt just incompetent.


I'm sure it's easy to read through the dream and see some anxietyies, but it' just blah

I've had dreams 3 nights in a row, and none of them have been particularly happy.


But this one was the worst as far as my internal feelings go.
I actually felt a severe incompetence combined with my isolation this time... I usually don't feel anything in draems, not like that.




But now I"m awake......
I should.. brush my teeth.......


and do..... something.............

 

[For Honor]

Even when you cannot see me, I'm there
I'm here


This is for
All those I hold dear
For all those that I fear
Those who keep me near

In their hearts

I can do only one thing for you
All I could ever do, really
I can give you my love, my patience, my time
I can be there

But when I say I'll be there

I'll be there forever

So even when you cannot see me,
I am there
I am there
I am there

I am here




(You will always have a place in my heart, and in my mind. No matter what)

------

Perhaps this is dedicated to the 4 people that I love
Perhaps it is just dedicated to me
Or maybe it should be all 5...?

 

[wizard2c]

reply

For Honor........noticed you made a few changes in your posts.

carol
wizard2c

 

[For Honor]

Have I?

What do you mean?


Am I writing differently or something??

 

[For Honor]

"data" COMPILATION 1.0

A compilation of things said about me, either through "reseaching" zodiac stuff, or other various personality tests. True to my "nature", I love disecting things, people, and myself is no exception. I will try to only post relevent stuff, but I will post a lot, to keep the spectrum wide. I don't believe in zodiology, but I like to use it as a tool for understanding traits, and if it helps me understand my 'destiny', sure, i'm interested.


============================================
============================================

(master rao is probably the best, though - - try it out for yourself -
http://www.asiaflash.com





Taurus / Rabbit

What's the most remarkable in you is your very well developed practical sense. You know how to count, defend yourself and, if necessary, attack. One would have an interest in not being your adversary or enemy, for then you'll never let him/her off. But one would do well to ask you for counsels of a concrete order — you have excellent ones to give thanks to your vivid intelligence and your logical, rational, positive mind.

When you undertake something, you need to foresee its result immediately; nothing irritates or discourages you more than working in uncertainty or haziness.

There's no doubt about your material and professional success, unless you decided to be really unreasonable. You'll patiently amass your fortune and will perfectly know how to get a return on your possessions. Thus you'll know an easy and comfortable life.

You're rather a stay-at-home, preferring a sedentary life and being very much attached to your home. However, circumstances may sometimes compel you to travel a lot and even to settle down abroad; you'll then be very nostalgic.

Being of a stable and faithful nature, you reflect a long time before engaging yourself in an amorous union. Your sentiments are very slow to awake, but they are powerful and deepen with time.


What is interesting is.... most descriptions list several flaws, but it seems my combination of eastern and western is well balanced....

Oh yes, and in my opinion, that is rather an accurate description of me. Though I hope succcess will come as easily as it is "described". Definitely stable and faithful, and practical, and I do like being at home, too. And I dislike uncertainty.........



(HELLO - that's why I'm trying to figure out my destiny before it happens. LOL hahahaha.... but it's sort of true. )

 

[For Honor]

'data' compilation 1.1

It's my father ---




Pisces / Rat

You're a real weathercock — you incessantly change ideas, almost without noticing it yourself, and one never knows well how to go about you. Capricious, you categorically refuse to get bored or to let other people bore you. It's why you play with your fellow-men and also with your own feelings. Sometimes you've an impossible comportment, but this doesn't prevent you from being charming.

Your destiny is often unstable, with numerous ups and downs. However you can almost always manage to be back on your feet thanks to providential strokes of luck.

In the material domain, you show great improvidence or lack of imagination, which are detrimental to you. But you always find supports and aids which make you solvent. Lazy, indecisive, or dilettante, you conduct your professional activities according to your fluctuating humors. Occult sciences and all that's related to mirage and dreams are profitable to you.

Charming but evasive, you hate engagements in love and are little made for responsibilities. Quite often you let yourself be misled by shams or illusions. You may have many unions in the course of your life, all of them marked with instability.

 

[For Honor]

Master B - IT'S BONO!!! of course it is

Can't you tell? He was the antichrist when he was younger, you know. He's a rare kind, since he has one sign for his "sun" sign, and then the "opposite" or counterbalance for his moon sign, which is kind of rare. In this case, it explains his great passion, I believe. And his tormented youth/conflict.

But songs like "Between a Man and a Woman"
Really show that rock solid Taurus nature.

When the soul wants
The soul waits, baby.

I agree, Bono.



Taurus Ascendant Scorpio



You're a tormented personality, which will improve only after numerous years of life. Your mind is little inclined to concessions and shows a clear tendency to resentment.


You're also a nature which is passionate and full of contradictions. Born with powerful instincts, you'll try during almost all your life to control them. Indeed, you'll always feel a fascination for all that's related to sexuality and death, pleasure and pain.


You love life passionately, well decided to bite hungrily into it whenever it's possible. But unfortunately your joys are almost always altered by gloomy ideas, anguish, or by the haunting thought that every good thing must come to an end.



Other stuff:



If you happen to be also of the Tiger, Dragon or Horse sign, you're keen on concrete achievements: you need to do things. You also have an immense love for life and for the pleasures it offers. The Taurus/Tiger finds his happiness in the pursuit of somewhat foolish projects. The Taurus/Dragon works relentlessly for his image, but does not accept that his authority or prestige be challenged. As for the Taurus/Horse, he flares up quickly, becomes indignant or gets angry easily, but without ever renouncing his gallant comportment.

As a Taurus born under the sign of the Rat, the Snake or the Monkey, you cannot exist without the presence of others: communication is for you of capital importance. The Taurus/Rat tends to live the present moment only, while trying to create stable ties. The Taurus/Snake adorns himself with rich affectivity and great sensuality. The Taurus/Monkey, on his part, attaches himself to his independence and his personal freedom as he does the apple of his eyes.

Combined with the Ox, Rabbit or Dog sign, the Taurus sign is among the best rooted. This roothold manifests itself in a great love for nature and simple life. The Taurus/Ox can show admirable fortitude in adversity. The Taurus/Rabbit has inhibitions and certain difficulty being young at an early time. The Taurus/Dog draws his force from his wisdom and his detachment; he always tries to keep certain distance between himself and what he experiences.

Being a Taurus all the while being a Rooster, Goat or Pig is being someone who, all the while being realistic and attached to concrete things, gives some way to dreams, illusion, and even utopia. The Taurus/Rooster draws all his energy from his unconscious and makes a formidable source of creation, or perversion, out of it. The Taurus/Goat often has difficulties in his relationships with reality. Finally, the Taurus/Pig does anything to secure himself a comfortable and protected life.

 

[For Honor]

Damn good thing I hate smoking...




Taurus Ascendant Gemini



You've much humor and charm, and always preserve a candid and juvenile side to your character. Everything is for you good to know as you take an interest in a multitude of diverse things, by getting information mostly from reading and surfing on the Internet.


In your career, you know how to sell yourself at a very high price, helped in this by your great sense of opportunity and also your power of persuasion. Intermediary positions as well as commerce and artistic jobs suit you well.


Your health is good on the whole but with marked vulnerability to respiratory troubles. In order to stay well, you must absolutely avoid smoking.





I'm one of the more commen variety, but it seems to be alright. No complaints, eh?

 

[For Honor]

Desire, possession

You're a real photographic plate - you feel everything, you receive all impressions, you perceive all aggressions. Your extreme receptivity renders you too sensitive, too vulnerable in this pitiless world. You lack efficacious means of defense, you run the risk of being trapped by pity or finding yourself in complex situations, all the more so as you're careful not to hurt anyone. No wonder if you experience frequent risks of depression.

You possess beauty, charm, certain bewitching mystery, whatever the sex to which you belong. But your balance will always be fragile. You're weak in face of temptations.

Rather nonchalant, you don't like making great efforts in work, unless it comes to the artistic domain, notably as an actor. You prefer the superfluous to the necessary and the solid. However, in your material life, you often benefit from propitious hazards and providential protections.

You're very receptive to the influences of those around you, which can singularly complicate your affairs of the heart. One can foresee for you numerous, sometimes painful, experiences in your affective life. For your happiness, it'd be advisable that you marry someone who's very mature and very positive.


===================================


It seems as though my strength would balance her weakness, and her stength would balance my weakness....


If I am but one thing, I suppose I am mature - notice above - the rabbit taurus - who has trouble being young.


Yet she is social, outgoing, and tender.
*sigh*
if only we could manage to confide in each other...





And dearly would I like to be a knight, to offer her some protection from this world... I do enjoy that, that wonderful sense of duty, protection Defense... For Honor, of course.


Mmm.... if I could keep her tenderness all to myself


But she's a strong one, despite what this reads here...

Dream Landscaper,

I wonder,

could you break this one into a reality?







And my earth moves beneath
My own dream
Landscape.......

 

[For Honor]

It appears that I'm not just content with having one dream a night for about 5 days now...

these last two nights, I have had TWO dreams....

I don't remember them, but I think they have to do with letting go or something. Oddly enough, the one person that I really am concerned about letting go of, has not been involved at all. Just other people around me. Perhaps I will be letting go of what I really want to let go of - this atmosphere surronding me?

Let go of school, of the people, the threefold terror of love, huh...

What will be left?
Just my drams and aspirations, it seems.
Or
Hah
SHould I use my buzzword - destiny?

 

[For Honor]

You know what?


What I learned most in NY is.......
I learned about myself.


I am not a simple person, I am not one way all the time.
There are always many reasons for all my actions.


I am the "knight", a knight.
(I'll show you my personality test thing...)

But really, it makes more sense now.

I mentioned a surge of power that I felt in NY, a confidence. That is more the essential me, which, here in my isolation of this room, of my early stages in life, has................................

been restrained.....


I know why that confidence is now, and have a way of conveying it. (Note, just like the zodiacs - I don't use them to justify myself. I use results and information to help explain myself from what I already know. I do not try to live up to something.)

#1 rule when dealing with me - accept my uncompromising nature. I am not a conventional person. So it is rather..... unlike myself to try to follow a prescribed habit or manner of being.


I have to go once more, but when I get back.....

I need to produce something to remember what it was I found in NY.... and that personality test result was.... rather fitting.

And so to was the answer to my "companion"


more, always,


more when I get back

 

[For Honor]

http://forum.interference.com/out.php?http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

 

[wizard2c]

reply

For Honor........wizards cannot be explained.....at least not the real ones.....there are no written tests............there are no putting square pegs into round holes.....the true test is the journey itself.

carol
wizard2c

 

[For Honor]

I was interupted, sort of..... I meant to post my results.....

I laughed, because they......... sound so much like me - especially...... what I felt in NYC:




Of the four aspects of strategic analysis and definition, it is the contingency planning or entailment organizing role that reaches the highest development in Masterminds. Entailing or contingency planning is not an informative activity, rather it is a directive one in which the planner tells others what to do and in what order to do it. As the organizing capabilities the Masterminds increase so does their inclination to take charge of whatever is going on.

It is in their abilities that Masterminds differ from the other Rationals, while in most of their attitudes they are just like the others. However there is one attitude that sets them apart from other Rationals: they tend to be much more self-confident than the rest, having, for obscure reasons, developed a very strong will. They are rather rare, comprising no more than, say, one percent of the population. Being very judicious, decisions come naturally to them; indeed, they can hardly rest until they have things settled, decided, and set. They are the people who are able to formulate coherent and comprehensive contingency plans, hence contingency organizers or "entailers."

Masterminds will adopt ideas only if they are useful, which is to say if they work efficiently toward accomplishing the Mastermind's well-defined goals. Natural leaders, Masterminds are not at all eager to take command of projects or groups, preferring to stay in the background until others demonstrate their inability to lead. Once in charge, however, Masterminds are the supreme pragmatists, seeing reality as a crucible for refining their strategies for goal-directed action. In a sense, Masterminds approach reality as they would a giant chess board, always seeking strategies that have a high payoff, and always devising contingency plans in case of error or adversity. To the Mastermind, organizational structure and operational procedures are never arbitrary, never set in concrete, but are quite malleable and can be changed, improved, streamlined. In their drive for efficient action, Masterminds are the most open-minded of all the types. No idea is too far-fetched to be entertained-if it is useful. Masterminds are natural brainstormers, always open to new concepts and, in fact, aggressively seeking them. They are also alert to the consequences of applying new ideas or positions. Theories which cannot be made to work are quickly discarded by the Masterminds. On the other hand, Masterminds can be quite ruthless in implementing effective ideas, seldom counting personal cost in terms of time and energy.

 

[For Honor]

the "jung" letters would be "iNTj"
when I took a simlar test in middle school, I was

either an estp or an istp


as far as extro/introvert, I was dead center.
it made me laugh, because that was so like me back then

vague, unrevealing, "shrouded", hah, if you want to glorify it.

But I am not the same person, my mentality has not grown, not merely growth, no


It has indeed shifted..................

 

[For Honor]

http://keirsey.com/personality/ntij.html


Reading the personalities, I have changed, and those differences are visible, even according to these "personality types"

But, as always, I am learning, searching for something more than what appears to be written here, in any of my writings, in this thread included..........



((( http://typelogic.com/intj.html )))

 

[For Honor]

I am dissatisfied with everything at the moment.


Food doesn't taste good - I can't enjoy anything at all.
I always feel hungry......................

 

[For Honor]

sig pic - pride lyrics + sword + on sword "HERO" line

 

[For Honor]

I am in a tricky situation

I know I will be making a new signature image soon, but I don't know what.....


Should I do a beautiful image of the day sort of thing, or my original, above idea?

Either way, this is a picture I want to remember - makes me smile

 

[For Honor]

I'm sorry, but.... I could never be gay

Ode to women
1



*sigh*
Women are...... fascinating....

The way they move. Not even in a sexual way, it's just pretty.
It's just.... I have to adore it.

And when you see a good woman, when you see a good person, it's just beauty. And you know what the thing is... I realize it's not sexual. Honestly, sex is completely a different thing for me. In my mind, it feels so much different.

I am still a virgin, I am still a young man.

But sex means something much different now, in my life. But I still, there is this..... fascination with them.


So, please, if you ever see me stare at a woman, know it's out of respect. Sure, I post pretty pictures in the hot chicks thread - and I don't deny the eye candy that women are. But.... I don't know. I enjoy the presence of women so much more now.

Like any person, they have to be a certain way for me to really get a long with them. But I don't know, something about women..... well, look at all the things I've written here, and in all my threads and posts.


I suppose part of the reason for my title is this - a good friend of mine once was questioning his sexual preferences (he was a guy - I think I mentioned him in a ZC thread a long time ago -'Jose'). Anyhow.... for me........

Even though I've been very shy my whole life, and even shy of women at times...... I guess there was never any question for me. And even now, as I am expanding my character........ I'm getting used to smiling and singing, and the other end, I'm being harder on people and more firm in my actions, etc. But it seems like my adoration, respect, and genuine appreciation of women keeps growing.

I realize that I won't be giving women too much undue power in my life... I know about that................... but.... I don't know......


I am going to conclude this thread with a great, great U2 song. I wonder if it's because we are both Tauri (tauruses) that it comes across so well, but Bono, I agree 100% with you on this:

A Man and A Woman

Little sister don't you worry about a thing today
Take the heat from the sun
Little sister
I know that everything is not ok
But you're like honey on my tongue

True love never can be rent
But only true love can keep beauty innocent

I could never take a chance
Of losing love to find romance
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman
No I could never take a chance
‘Cos I could never understand
The mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

You can run from love
And if it's really love it will find you
Catch you by the heel
But you can't be numb for love
The only pain is to feel nothing at all
How can I hurt when I'm holding you?

I could never take a chance
Of losing love to find romance
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

And you're the one, there's no-one else
You make me want to lose myself
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

Brown eyed girl across the street
On rue Saint Divine
I thought this is the one for me
But she was already mine
You were already mine...

Little sister
I've been sleeping in the street again
Like a stray dog
Little sister
I've been trying to feel complete again
But you're gone and so is God

The soul needs beauty for a soul mate
When the soul wants... the soul waits ...

No I could never take a chance
Of losing love to find romance
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

For love and faith and sex and fear
And all the things that keep us here
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

How can I hurt when I'm holding you?

 

[For Honor]

My new, official "last post of the day image" lol. But......

I will always be back tomorrow

 

[For Honor]

Okay, I need to write down these ideas before I get, Explanaitons later



4 swords of gilgamesh/odin
2 double edged swords, for classic 2 fold action
1 Katana
.....?

(5 - - - 2 butterfly swords??)


No respect for your elders.......
Elders dp not act worthy of respect,,,,,,,,

 

[For Honor]

For Honor,, If you like Ziyi that much then run, run, RUN out and get - The road home - By Zhang Yimou ( The same director of House, and Hero ) It was her debut movie and its amazing...

 

[For Honor]

"Bless those who persecute you;
bless, and don't curse.
Rejoice with those who rejoice.
Weep with those who weep.
Be of the same mind one toward another.
Don't set your mind on high things,
but associate with the humble.
Don't be wise in your own conceits.
Repay no one evil for evil.
Respect what is honorable in the sight of all men.
If it is possible, as much as it is up to you,
be at peace with all men.
Don't seek revenge yourselves, beloved,
but give place to God's wrath.
For it is written,
"Vengeance belongs to me;
I will repay, says the Lord."
Therefore
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him.
If he is thirsty, give him a drink.
For in doing so, you will heap
coals of fire on his head."
Don't be overcome by evil,
but overcome evil with good."
Romans 12:14-21

 

[For Honor]

Halle Berry is a gorgeous woman

 

[For Honor]

"Ecce Romani"



So now, just like them
Aren't we ''something else''

They write on clay tablets
Bring them all around
Refresh them with wax, write anew.

Now we use laptops
"Great deals, cool desktop themes!"
How much has really changed?

Many things have changed
But we are still human......

 

[For Honor]

post modernism / / biological asymmetry

.........


Perhaps ............


This is the beginning of the end, then?

 

[For Honor]

continued

*love is blindness* plays in the background......

=-=-=-=-=-




"Everyone of us is dying on a genetic level. The question is when the decline will start."


"Siblings start out life competeing, but they always band together against outside threats. Why do you think that is?"

"It's because they share your genes, and by helping them, the chances of your genes making it to the next generation are bettered. Natural selection favors nepotistic species. The instinct to help our own kind is an inherited trait"

------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------


So I'm writing this, tonight........., with that song still playing...

Those words, arn't my own, no, I don't take credit for them. But if anyone knows about post modernism, think about it.


See the paradoxes in everything


Love to bring people closer
But the closer you are the more liable you can become

The more similar we all are, the bigger target we present


However.... brothers band together to face an outside cause
So yet......
We can fight against our extinction, mankind can.




It's too late in the evening for me to really get into this, but in the next day or so, I will....... explain what it is I am ........ painting a portrait of..

 

[For Honor]

Heart twist




ah, no need to write about it. I can feel it enough.

 

[For Honor]

Defiance, perseverence



(Hell, you can do it, sing it anyways
It doesn't matter)
A Man and A Woman

Little sister don't you worry about a thing today
(about a thing today)
Take the heat from the sun
Little sister
I know that everything is not ok
But you're like honey on my tongue

True love never can be rent
(TRUE LOVE NEVER CAN BE RENT)
But only true love can keep beauty innocent
(BUT ONLY TRUE LOVE CAN KEEP BEAUTY INNOCENT)

I could never take a chance
Of losing love to find romance
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman
(Annd...............)
No I could never take a chance
‘Cos I could never understand
The mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman




no matter what, I've gotta sing it

No matter what happens around me
It won't change


who I am