FH's thread - I'll write more over time

[For Honor]

Insomnia

I can't sleep
Can't take the time to eat
Can't take the time to think
It's just you, and me

All night, Everynight
Everynight away
I know I won't be able to sleep
On my vacation
Just a vacation from my location
My location

I have to write "VIII"
ANd I will, for you
Make it my best, for you
For you, I will
For you, I will.......



But can anything put me to sleep?
Mental, physical, emotional ehxaustion?
My spirit is strong, god damn

Something needs to put me down
Rent me asunder
what the hell can do it?

I don't
I///
wow
I'm so scattered.........

Maybe I"m a blue crack addict......

 

[For Honor]

Hmm


"what the hell"

comes to mind.......

 

[For Honor]

"VIII"


.... It is so...... incredibly sweet
It makes me break
So much I want that
It is the ultimate, the antizen

To put your happiness
To pull it out of another person
But

If it is right
And the two people
Balance each other out
In orbit, circling each other...
Maybe....

That's the perfect harmony
But


It is so sweet....
ANd now I have no choice


I know it is going to kill me later on, months from now
Years from now


I won't ever be able to look at this again and not think of her
But I can't deny it
I won't ever be able to hear this song and not think of her
But I can't deny it

It is what it is
And it breaks me open
BUt...

I can't deny it
Later I can minimize it
Make it seem like nothing

Sure
But it is... so sweet. So incredibly strong........

 

[For Honor]

Love is Pain

I can't bear to read them.
I can't even make it through
But I can't avoid them, either.
I know it's going to hurt, but...
I have to see them.....

Eyes on Me Lyrics



Whenever sang my songs,
On the stage, on my own,
I never said my words,
Wishing they would be heard,
I saw you smiling at me,
Was it real? Or just my fantasy?
You'd always be there in the corner,
Of this tiny little bar.

My last night here for you,
Same old songs just once more,
My last night here with you?
Mayber yes, maybe no.
I kinda liked it your way,
How you shyly placed your eyes on me,
Did you ever know?
That I had mine on you.

Darling so there you are,
With that look on your face,
As if you're never hurt,
As if you're never down,
Shall I be the one for you?
Who pinches you softly but sure,
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer.

So let me come to you,
Close as I wanna be,
Close enough for me,
To feel your heart beating fast,
And stay there as I whisper,
How I loved your peaceful eyes on me,
Did you ever know?
That I had mine on you.

Darling so share with me,
Your love if you have enough,
Or tears if you're holding back,
Or pain if that's what it is,
How can I let you know?
I'm more than the dress and the voice,
Just reach me out then,
You will know that you are not dreaming.

........................

 

[For Honor]

I never knew he was her knight, not like that...


I didn't even know ... what I was saying, then.
I.... wasn't aware.




The wiser one said "Find a knight to protect you"
Keep safe from the evil powers.
Give you peace of mind.



The other one

"I never expect you two..."
Complete opposites?


__________________
TOo many... reflections
patterns and coincidences...
I shouldn't even think

Just go through

it

 

[wizard2c]

reply

"TOo many... reflections
patterns and coincidences...
I shouldn't even think

Just go through

it"



A mirror of time.

carol
wizard2c

 

[For Honor]

I have to tell myself not to believe it too much, because it is so tempting, so easy... (extreme aside)

------------------------------------------------------------------


You are hauntingly profound in your statement, carol....
......


.....I will say more about that later, but right now, it just wouldn't be clear enough. It just isn't "time" yet for me to expand upon it.

 

[For Honor]

Even myself... through time... ............... .....................................

 

[For Honor]

For when I get done in ZC:


"I made a mistake"






(I wasn't being...
her knight...)

 

[For Honor]

Man..... I wish I was her knight........

 

[For Honor]

Monday Morning's Lullabye




Lay with me tonight
Let me know it's alright
Tell me you need me more than I need you
Because maybe that's something I know untrue

Duality, Duality
I need love not to live
I need to live, not to love
I need to love, not to live

"Even after you accept irrelevance, you still have to decide what what to do right now"

So what do I want?
Love, come lay with me
So I can go to sleep
Love that won't fade
But, like my own, grow with time
Something I can hold on to
Serve, work for, live for

Is this what I am looking for?

Or do I want most
What is out of reach
Am I just being that simple
That simple, so simple, so simple...

...

I know I shouldn't write anymore
Because it just makes it worse
THe cure is the poison
The cure is...



Just curl into me, love.
Let me love you, and be mine
Don't even think about going anywhere
Just curl into me, and let me ...
Let me hold you tonight


Let me hold you forever
Then....

Then I'll always be able to sleep well
If I know I.....
If I know I..........
Did well enough

 

[wizard2c]

reply

Welcome back For Honor....

"Is this what I am looking for?"

What is anyone truly looking for....
some search for love
some search for happiness
some seek that one golden ring of power....
but once they have found it
is it what they thought it was.

Tis why I like being a wizard....each day is a new challenge through the journey of time.

As usual, a very good writing.

carol
wizard2c

 

[For Honor]

Thankyou.
It is nice to be back. There is so much to look at, and read




I can't telll.....


If I am a Knight, or....
Well, perhaps I know I am.
But I don't know what it is I serve yet


Or do I just serve myself...

 

[For Honor]

I've got lots of writing to, but this post is commemerated to my 1301th post

It's been a long way since I came here just before christmass... I remember comgin to this forum as a stanger, and now look.... I really do enjoy reading what everyone writes, and even if sometimes I don't look at it enoug, undersand it right, or take enough time, it really is something I look forward to, and I thank everyone involved in this website, from the creater to the mods to the posters and everyone else.

It's been a lot of fun so far, and I'm not done yet.




Notes:

Training to be a Knight
Training to be Her Knight; "working out", etc
Detachment and Passion
Me myself and I
Difference in cultures, East/West (mable notebook)
Emplyoment
Driving
Summer/Winter
Summer fast/life on pause
"The Only One"
"Say you need me"

SELF IMPROVEMENT

 

[For Honor]

I bet all those cranky women will love this one

Sorry, time for me "Extreme-male-chauvenist" comment of the day....



I love Asian melons, myself

 

[For Honor]

That above post was from the MANGO thread in IO.


I think, for another writing note, I'm going to be more open about my Asian infatuation...

I mean, I went to my local Dragon Buffet, and I had a really hard time going to all the tables to get food. There were so many hot asian girls there that it was like a sort of fantasy land.

(Look, I would rather have just one. And of course, if I did, I would be ..... rather feriecely loyal and damn near obsessed with such...)

But beauty for the sake of beauty is one thing. I just appreciate it. But this in no way means my... attentions... are driffting from a certain person .... just incase I come over this years from now and have to explain something.


I never lied


"Only you under the moon, and under the sun"

If anything... it is probablyhealthy for me to not think about one person so much...



That being said, I think I will post more Asian related material. I might start posting "Asian Melon" things in my journal, or in this thead, who knows. But I don' tknow what it is... Asian women, their features... it's just...

 

[For Honor]

For Honor
Refugee
Premium Member

Location: Isolated... in New York (state). The net is my only contact with the outside world. It's like being undercover, or behind enemy lines...
Local time:
07-27-2005 02:59 PM
Registered: Dec 2004
Posts: 1323

View Journal
07-27-2005 12:14 AM -
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sweet conceit



It's just me myself and I
My love, just a reflection of me

Only pain that comes from me
Is only pain that's real

Only joy that comes from me
Is only joy I feel

I don't get excited
I don't fear the worst

I don't care for your thoughts
I don't care if you want mine

(I Me my)
(I Me my)

(Beatles?)
(Or just bugs)

It isn't until you say
That I'm the only one

That you understand
It's me under ths sun

There is no world around
Me myself and I

It's just me under the moon,
Looking into the sky

Once you understand
That I'm the only one

Then you'll see the truth
You, yourslef, and your

It's just me myself and I
It's just you, yourself, and yours

We're one, but not the same
One, but not that same

So when you understand that I'm the only one
I'll just smile and agree

Because I know you you're the only one
The only one I see

I, myself, and me.

 

[For Honor]

For Honor
Refugee
Premium Member

Location: Isolated... in New York (state). The net is my only contact with the outside world. It's like being undercover, or behind enemy lines...
Local time:
07-27-2005 02:59 PM
Registered: Dec 2004
Posts: 1323

View Journal
07-26-2005 10:36 PM -
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sit and talk joyfullly
Make easy speaking
Family time
Call them on the phone
Hours of conversation, even before you see them
They talk

Warmhearted, good people
I do like them
But they don't know...

Inside me
The burning heart
Lionhearted fire
A solitary flame
For a solitarty love
That is endless

But my exterior, the cool one
I am the outsider
Who knows nothing of family
Or love for that matter

Approach me in my apparent solitude
I'll never show the fire
You can see it in my eyes
But only one person has me inspired

The odd man out
The only one
The solitary maniac
Or just a devoted knight, perhaps.

Perhaps...


--------------

wow, that sucked

 

[For Honor]

Solitary Rabbits


Unconditional
Emotional care
It’s there, it’s there
But so detached are we
You see
You see….

“A high rate of bachelors”
(Yes, and bachelorets)
For she is one those that fits
In to this category
Not in matrimony

With her sister she has fun
Talking on the phone, weekend
Adventures to the north, winds
They will live together
After work is over

But as far as I’m concerned
Unfortunate, unfortunate is this
(Another trait, the melancholy)
For my solitude is accepted
And I am made exception

Two rabbits together
From one on to another
To one son from one mother
Sitting in a humble home
Letting our ideas roam

Daring not to face the day
But bide are time and stow away
Waiting for our better weather
For to see a sunlit ray
For to see no clouds of grey

Hear the storm, she is afraid
And it’s her fear that weakens me
Her independence limits me
Reduces me to
“What can we do?”

So many hours have I spent
Alone in my room, my den, this humble home
Alone, alone, alone, like a phantom
Doesn’t she know
I need more to grow?

However that which “what may come”
It seems as though she’s on the run
Hiding now by standing still
Looking from her window sill
Fearing frosty winter chill

Her faults I see so clear-ill-ly
Though I accept them, accept her
For I … can’t blame others for myself
I, me and my
I, me and my

I, me, my are not for her
Though I know I am her one lifeline
To the world, to the outside
I am the one in her life
So for her I will bear strife

I need to remember her hopes of me
I need to remember what to be
My destiney….

But I don’t blame her, I do love her
After all, she is my mother

 

[For Honor]

I'll try to be more concise. The more I write about this the more distorted it gets.



Chatter clatter, momentary drifting mind toss
Seeing without knowing, without hearing, without feeling
Seeing only to see

I feel
Ice in my vains, stone cold expression outside, the rock, the authentic stranger
(From a faraway land, from a dream, but that is always for another time)
Silent, or either carefullly selecting the right words at the right time, it's just
A mental game of chess, art of war, though, so I don't like to speak

Set myself up so I needn't take action

But...

The passion, the passion.....

 

[For Honor]

Another retired sig:


I feel love... I feel love... Everyday... that you're away...
I hear it comin', Love, I hear you call. I hear you comin', Love, bangin' at the door... I hear you comin', Love, I hear your call. I hear you comin', Love, bangin', bangin' at the door

"I'll be your knight"
For Honor

 

[For Honor]

I need to bump this so I can see it

Notes:

Training to be a Knight
Training to be Her Knight; "working out", etc
Detachment and Passion
Me myself and I
Difference in cultures, East/West (mable notebook)
Emplyoment
Driving
Summer/Winter
Summer fast/life on pause
"The Only One"
"Say you need me"

SELF IMPROVEMENT

more notes:



Take her love by the hand, cherish her
She has bountiful love to give, don’t mistreat it
Are you strong enough to be able to take her love, care for it, look out for it?




Dream eater
Dream eating knight


DREAM LANDSCAPE
Dream landscaper?

A knight coming out of the dreams
Breaking through
Manifesting reality
Transforming dreams…

 

[For Honor]

I seem to be having quite the day today... this thread, forum, has become my own little laboratory of sorts......

I am using more threads, opening new ones, because it seems to keep the themes in order better.


I'm going to open a new thread, I think, for the dream stuff.
There is so much there, and it all roots from one thing...

 

[For Honor]

(Yeah, FH, wait until you see tomorrow...)

I must have been experiencing something strange yesterday, or well, two days ago, as that was WED, and the guard duty started THUR night, and its now FRI morning...



As I think I wrote, the Inauspicious Fire Horse thread has turned into a sort of journal for my guard duty

but there will be much more to write after that is over, because for the next two weeks, the Fire Horse is going to have a lot going on around her, which will affect me...

 

[For Honor]

I always used to say that I had a lot of interesting characters in my life, as I am sure all people do.


But the Fire Horse, she is something else...
We've grown closer this past year, but at the same time, there is a distance between all people in my life right now. ANd I'll be leaving for college soon.........

I don't know...


==========================


4 colored room


I am here, sitting, in this room of diversity
representing diversity
my diveristy

Wedding White behind my
I remember that name, if perhaps the only one I remember
This room, this room with hardwood floors...
So much, so little

It is slowly becoming something else besides my room - it is being trashed by time and circumstance. No sheets on my bed, a futon wasted and depleted

Not the typical teenagers room
Devoid from posters or pictures of women
BUt, obviously, there are some here in this thread and in my journal
Heh, point being, though,
It looks more like a.....

I was going to say hotel room, but I suppose that was something I wanted to say
To promote my... inclination of my perpetual nostalgia and longing for home, for I don't feel at home... anywhere...

But really, there is a subtle sophisitcation about it I like. Something different, distinctly me. It is not "offwhite" like all the other walls in all other rooms I have seen...

I've been here so much I overlook the fantastic colors...

Wedding White - there is a picture of the dark night, a landscape. My favorite wall, essentially
Winter.... spring perhaps

Summer hard golden yellow - a woven picture, blades of grass
Summer

Orange wall
Picture of the marshland, sharing the same orange, a summer sky Florida, it makes me thinkg a little, or perhaps a swampy part of asia...
Summer, definitely

The Red Wall
Power red, deel red, my favorite wall (yes, 2 favorites) - blends with the wedding white to make christmas colors...

Used to hold my
Path of Destiny picture - solitary road with lightning bolt at end


Now, in it's place

the Fire Horse's gift

A picture of layerd circles, representing diversity, perhaps
Or one could say
Disorder, hint of chaous

But that is in the negative light of this current circumstance
(but I never liked it)

It always made me feel...
....


... like I do right now....


But even long ago, when it was first handed to me...
I didn't like its...
... .....


.... feeling...

 

[For Honor]

Shaping my behaviour
(Love Reinforcerment)



You do realize, don't you?
What this is all doing to me
What I see, what I feel, what it makes me want
I don't ever want to make a mistake

You tell me to look around, have fun, act young
But I can't, I don't want to. It's my destiny, look it up.
Still... It makes me want it so much
So incredibly much

And I'm worried...
It's not right to want something so grand...

I know I'll be good, but maybe too good
Too considerate, too caring. To sweet for someone
But I am forced to see... .... all that my teachers reveal.
All the things I am shown, to see what they do wrong, to see their faults

They come to me to compare notes, to go over what is right
And what is not
And I am left with expectations.
I am not afraid of failure, but there is doubt in my mind of success

I am not even surprised anymore, and my emotions become detached
Yet my heart... it longs...
It longs for honor, for it all.

But I realize I... I'll need someone to take care of me
Who can accept what I want, what I need to give.
Who can return what I need....
And I fear of following in my father's footsteps.

But hopefully I have learned
From all their mistakes, everyone of them...
I hope I know enough, am wise enough, and strong enough
And most of all

I hope I didn't learn too well




I know my destiny, and the choices I will have to make

======================================


I realize.... I have to wonder about.... who will really be able to give me what I want......

I hope I don't get too .... shaped.... into finding that there is no one who can

 

[wizard2c]

reply

For Honor....sounds like you are seeking someone....I'll have to read through it a few more times...don't quite understand.

My time and space are not right again....sense of evil setting in somewhere.

carol
wizard2c

 

[For Honor]

Yeah, I guess you are right. There is someone I want.

But I don't know if I'll be able to have her, or....
If I ever do, I'm worried that I would ruin it.


I have looked at myself several times, and I'm not really good with relationships. It would take something special. But then again that's..........


I haven't been addressing the subject of that person, but I'm sure, indirectly or subconsioucly, it has passed through to my writtings.




More so, I worry that what I want doesn't exist, or that I seek more than I shoud...

I don't know........

I feel weird at this time


It has been a depressing 2 hours

 

[For Honor]

It's one of those moments where everything feels out of reach, and I wonder whether it is right to desire them so or not.

But then again I take pride in my ideals, in my driving desires.


So like a fool, I leave myself in discontent.

 

[For Honor]

I'll probably turn into Squall again


I can't invest in people, because I am always dissapointed, and left waiting, wanting. I can;t trust people, depend on them. Seldom anymore.

I know that it....... it scars me. I know what my tendancies will be, they will be just as they are said to be.


Some things, some people give me hope.
But I don't know. I think I..... I notice too much, am too serious.


I am not insensative, I can't over look things



ANd I've been spoiled
with dreams too grand
From a chance encouter that , if I knew the outcome, would be easier to deal with.
Impossible save for one thread of hope