"Faith In Me" (My masterpiece :) )

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PopMartian33107

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Mar 21, 2005
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Hello everyone. I feel this is my best piece yet, because it is very complex and evokes much imagery. It's also sarcastic in places. And ZeroDude, here it is, that long, trancendental work that you've been asking me for! :D Enjoy, everyone!

Faith In Me

Though we were once very close,
Growing up in the same prized latrine,
I have a new name for you, brother:
Enemy!

<Begin Song>

Calling in my many units,
Staring at those flashing screens.
Neither does a lot of work,
But they all know exactly what I mean.

Your squad has declared “peace”,
But did you see my noble men die?
The time for peace has never come,
There’s no time now to ask the question “why”.

We met at the Peace Grounds,
Another U.S. President tethered to us like a dummy.
Your empty promises left me feeling just that,
So when I launched the first strike, I felt lucky.

Pointless chatter during another peace treaty,
Lots of promises but nothing that matters.
I tore through your questions like an eagle,
Or a Chinese Kamikaze, rather.

Launching another bellow of hate,
Another victorious one-sided debate,
I glare at my faceless allies, yelling…

“We Have Won!"

The battle rages on,
With heroes on neither side.
Who needs a war hero however,
When I’m the greatest general that you’ll ever find!

Countless bodies lie lifeless on the streets,
Their faces frozen in perpetual fear.
My enemy’s forces are approaching the conclave,
It is time for my surprise attack to draw near!

Holding a white banner of pride,
The opposing forces wave it proudly and strong.
I cannot help but loudly scoff:
Their sympathetic lies might seem worthy, but they’re just plain wrong.

Ah! But the surprise!
A remote closed-in nuclear warhead.
Their troops hold back with plenty of gunfire,
With a stroke of a dial they’re all wasted!

The missile is deflected,
But my program is not affected,
Another hit blazes through my foe’s ranks, and I bellow…

“We Have Won!”

My enemy calls up the conclave,
To chitchat, probably not.
He says he has no choice but to strike back,
If it’s a fight he wants, then it’s a fight he’s got.

But what is this sound clawing at my door?
Hundreds of opposing units rush in,
Their boots thumping the polyester metal floor.
Drat! It seems like I have been caught again!

The brutes carry me out,
Singing songs of victory.
I never thought I would see the day,
Where the tables had turned on me!

My tribe will never hear the end of this,
Their prized leader being caught in a state of panic.
With my units losing ground by the number,
It appears that I would be finished.

Grabbing me by my neck and feet,
With my own troops nearly obsolete,
Drunken by their own power, the pawns scream…

“We Have Won!”

Taken quickly to their base,
Much like mine accept missing a significant face.
But these grunts didn’t hold me hostage to win the war:
They desire a complete take-over!

Looking around from my vantage point,
I see many men but not my sworn enemy.
Ah! But there he lies tied up in a cage,
From the movement of his jaw, he vehemently disagrees.

Lo and behold!
I see the grunts holding a dangerous dial.
They will flee before it becomes chaotic,
So I stare at my enemy, with a mischievous smile.

The grounds become empty,
And the death toll is now squarely between two.
I feel a little childish now, the lives that were at stake,
As that’s all I ever wanted my efforts to do.

Growing weary and afraid,
I can’t help but stare at the dial, which reads “25”.
Suddenly, I see my enemy entangling himself from his trap,
And for the first time in many years, I’m glad to see him alive!

I turn to see an open cage,
Inside a reaching hand with exactly the same face,
Smiling at me with sad but peaceful eyes, proclaiming…

“We Have Won!”

“WE HAVE WON!”


That's all. How did you like my latest work? Please leave feedback and advice. Thanks! :)
 
Drunken by their own power, the pawns scream…

“We Have Won!”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Now that line was amazing and gave me the same feeling I get while listening to the guitar solo in Let It Be by The Beatles, it definitely is your Opus thus far, my only criticism though is that the piece seems too literal if you used more metaphoric language this would be even better leaving more for the reader or listener to interpret on their own although the narrative is paced wonderfully and moves along in a brilliantly jilted manner,

Great work:wink:
 
Thank you so much ZeroDude! :) Glad to hear you liked my latest, and I'll definately take into account the comments you posted. And to be compared to the Beatles...wow! :) Thanks again! :D
 
No problem that line in particular gave me, the tingley feeling often associated with such great moments;)
 
Great Beatles song, great peice of writing.

what an ending...


(only one thing though, aren't "Kamikazes" (sp??) from Japan?)
it's not a big deal, and Chinese probably works better. But it's the only thing that stuck out in that way.


I like it
 
For Honor said:
Great Beatles song, great peice of writing.

what an ending...


(only one thing though, aren't "Kamikazes" (sp??) from Japan?)
it's not a big deal, and Chinese probably works better. But it's the only thing that stuck out in that way.


I like it

Thank you very much, For Honor! :D The ending is my favorite part, too, along with the first part of the song. Thanks again! :)
 
Actually, I meant the ending of your piece there.



As far as Let it Be goes, I like the opening part, especially the piano. Songs like that make me want to learn the piano even more than I already do. And the faint horns and brass in the background are nice. But the lyrics are obviously what makes it...


I remeber something someone (bono) said once - maybe in a book or article


about how the music is the physical stimuation, and it hits you, but the lyrics are the mental, and it stays with you, as it affects your mind


especially the powerful ones....
 
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