Crap

[Tania]

I’m pathetic, I’m dismal, I’m sad and I’m weak
I’m useless and hopeless and futile and meek
I wait and I wonder if you will come back
Thinking I’m inadequate and worthless and oh, so slack
You got me good with your words and your selfish behaviour
I fell into the trap and it’s one I should savour
For the message is clear
But it’s not reached its aim
The idiot was me
I’m a fool, what a shame



Feel free to slag off as you wish.

 

[ZeroDude]

I'll not slag ya, not my thing at all but the rhyming seemed forced and flippant, however I think it's good on the merit of the emotion running through it, so please keep writing

 

[RadRacer]

The rhyming seemed forced and flippant... ?? How can you tell that? I got an idea: How about we have a thread about ZeroDude teaching RadRacer how to do poetry? Every day that I'm still here, I'll be learning a lesson.

But, really,

Tania,

that's way cooler than the last one I read This was such a pleasure to read. ... I got no other way to say this: It's COOL! I love it! This may not tell you anything, but to me, it's a mixture of late Hellzraiser's attitude, Linkin Park and a song by Queen. ... Like I said, this may not mean anything to you. But let me just say, you accomplished something that no-one of these wannabe poets in this forum has yet done: You touched a chord in me

Best of luck with your future work

 

[Mullen4Prez]

The rhyming seemed forced and flippant... ?? How can you tell that? I got an idea: How about we have a thread about ZeroDude teaching RadRacer how to do poetry? Every day that I'm still here, I'll be learning a lesson.

Yea I often wondered that myself

 

[carrieluvv]

THAT was a good one.

 

[ZeroDude]

The rhyming seemed forced and flippant... ?? How can you tell that? I got an idea: How about we have a thread about ZeroDude teaching RadRacer how to do poetry? Every day that I'm still here, I'll be learning a lesson.

B]

I just give my opinion, this a very nice poem but then again evryone who has felt like crap has felt this way, i.e. it's good but unoriginal, I'm sorry for being a wanker though,

 

[Sad_Girl]

I just give my opinion, this a very nice poem but then again evryone who has felt like crap has felt this way, i.e. it's good but unoriginal, I'm sorry for being a wanker though,

Honesty is important, people don't need to just hear 'yeah, it's good' every time they write something, otherwise they will never grow

I think it evoked very real emotion, but the rhythm was a bit awkward at a couple of points. I have a lot of trouble with that myself.

Anyway, I'd like to see more coming from you, you definitely have the heart of a poet!

 

[Mullen4Prez]

I just give my opinion, this a very nice poem but then again evryone who has felt like crap has felt this way, i.e. it's good but unoriginal, I'm sorry for being a wanker though,

You are not a wanker zero, You are my Langer only messing with ya man

 

[ZeroDude]

You are not a wanker zero, You are my Langer only messing with ya man

Ya man your lucky, I can send magical forces through computer screens to sort ya out

Or atleast I think I can

 

[Mullen4Prez]

Hey Langer go write a song for me

 

[RadRacer]

Hey, since everybody's here, and all... ZeroDude, I was serious!

Young Mullen4Prez spoke from his schoolbench:
Yea I often wondered that myself

I would really like to open a thread, make it like a classroom, have Mullen and me sit there, and wait for people from this knowledgeable forum, about meter and such, perhaps, if they can, give us a few simple lessons, and we try to apply them, immediately, every day, like homework. Yeah, everybody loves homework!

 

[ZeroDude]

If you think it would benefit you

 

[pax]

DOL is not the place for this kind of thing. It really should be a safe place for people to post their creative work, not to have arguments.

I'm closing this thread and asking the participants to take their discussions off this forum.