a year ago today

[zooropamanda]

within your arms Id like to be
just one last time I'd like to see
your face with that smile and silent laugh
crinkled,weathered lines that contour your eyes
hear you call out to me from your room
to show me a story on tv about cricket
watch you play with Kel, laugh at her getting frustrated
have you poke me in the belly which I hated so much
have you tell me to take a jacket when i go out
or ask me what I did today
just to see you walk down the road with your soft, brown briefcase
just once would be enough


to catch you again, in that moment where you were just my dad
without the tubes
or the injections
or pain
without the chemotherapy
just you
with your freckles
to have your stubbly rough chin scratch my skin as you kiss me hello
and feel your fluffy, thinning hair in my hands as i make fun of your greying sides
most of all i miss your hugs
the ones i would roll my eyes at, as they would too often come
just to have you hold me once more
is all that i want

I love you Dad
24-11-42....2-6-00

 

[The Wanderer]

I would have liked meeting that man, anyone who could have a hand in bringing a soul as beautiful as yours into the world, must be an amazing person

 

[brettig]

oh za...

I still struggle imagining this...u bear it well...im sure he is so very proud of u

Oh don't sorrow, no don't weep
For tonight, at last
I am coming home
I am coming home

 

[UpwiththeSun]

You have wonderful memories of your father. Hold onto to your thoughts, don't ever let them fade. The love in your heart will help the memories to stay.

 

[BabyGrace]

Amanda, you have my love and my prayers...

that you have the power to hold your love like that for someone when it hurts so much, it just amazes me
and to put it into words, I can barely think

God bless

 

[Angel]

What beautiful words for your Dad Amanda. You brought tears to my eyes.

All my love to you on this difficult day.

 

[majxtc]

Amanda,

Shalom for you today. What a beautiful remembrance of your father. Keep hold of the words and of the image you expressed to us. God Bless.

------------------
And love is not the easy thing... The only baggage you can bring... Is all that you can't leave behind.

 

[Salome]

Amanda,
your strength and ability to love keep amazing me

you and your family are in my prayers

 

[popkidu2]

made me smile and be sad all at the same time.

I applaud your strength.

 

[travu2]

Your heartfelt poem makes it clear that he was a very compassionate and loving person... and what a beautiful gift to have passed on to you.

 

[scatteroflight]

This poem brought tears to my eyes. It made me think of my own dad--he is still very much with us, but earlier this year he was diagnosed with lymphoma. It was a shock upon many shocks because since 1995 about seven people among my family and friends have died of cancer. I think we might be getting away this time--he never really had any symptoms, he had radiation treatment and came out of it fine, and all the tests to see if it had spread indicated it hadn't. But even if he's declared cancer free for now (which we don't know for sure yet) I think it will always be hanging over us as a possibility.

I am just so sorry. It is such a terribly hard and awful thing to go through, and when it happened a year ago it must be all you can think of. Please take care, and you're in my prayers.

 

[voxxie]

this make me cry too now my grandmother is very sick it is a brain disease or something (i cant explain it in english)when she return home she will be paralized...........
today i get hitted by that ,last weeks i tried just to past it but i cant......i dont even have the courage to go and see her in the hospital...................

sorry this make me throw it away

[This message has been edited by voxxie (edited 06-01-2001).]

 

[Like O2]

Amanda,

Your words and your heart are so beautiful, thank you for sharing such a tender, personal moment with us. I don't know your age, but I lost my dad to cancer (17 years ago) when I was just 17 years old. {OMG, I just realized that I've been without my dad for half my life! I didn't mean to include that in this post, but I swear I just realized it when I typed the words.} Anyway, you'll see as the years pass that your dad's gifts will be with you always. My prayers and with you and your family.

 

[frogbat]

there are only so many things that can move me, your writing being one of the few

[This message has been edited by frogbat (edited 06-02-2001).]

 

[Angela Harlem]

My thoughts and prayers are with your mum, brother sister, and you Amanda.

 

[foray]

.

 

[zooropamanda]

When I wrote this, I wrote it for my Dad. I have done so many times since his death.When i came back here I was shocked and very humbled to find all these responses.

Thank you so much to all of you for taking the time to write me something. You have no idea how it has touched me.I was in shock at how you responded and it touched my heart.

Thankyou for your kindness.

 

[Alisaura]

Thank you Amanda... for sharing.
*hug*

 

[Crzy4Bono]

Oh my Amanda. I am now in tears. What a beautiful tribute to your dad.

"That man is a success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much; who has gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who leaves the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem or a rescued soul; who never lacked appreciation of earth's beauty or failed to express it; who looked for the best in others and gave the best he had." - robert louis stevenson

It sounds like your dad truly was a success. My thoughts are with you.

 

[Michael Griffiths]

Thank-you, Amanda.

------------------
The Tempest

 

[foray]

Hi, I came back here to give feedback and found myself avoiding looking at your poem a second time--because it is too difficult or painful to read. My Dad was not like that; we were estranged, he even wanted to disown me when I was a teenager. Anyway, this is a good poem that you've written. Though for me, the 1st stanza is strong enough to stand on its own. Umm. Thank you for it. I've just written a quasi-reconciliatory letter to him. Whether that was inspired by your words, I don't know myself.

foray

 

[zooropamanda]

Im sorry if I sometimes write things that are tough for others to read.
In fact, foray, I actually just.. wrote.You know? I wasnt trying to make this a piece of writing to be proud or that sounded great, I just wanted to write down my feelings as I was feeling that moment, that day.

I hope someday I will be able to write something for my Dad that is a good piece of writing and I actually put some effort into. This sure didn't take me longer than about 2 minutes.

I also think that in death, we see the positives in the character of our loved ones. My Dad was a bugger, he was hard to live with, had a bad temper, very set in his ways, stubborn as hell, grumpy a lot of the time and didnt know how to handle me once i hit puberty. He had many faults, many of them I get terrified of when I see them in myself

, but when they leave us, for some reason that just all fades away. You dont forget it, but you sure do forgive it and mostly just laugh at it if you can. Well I have anyway.

Thanks for the feedback and if I inspired you in any way, I hope it was a good outcome.

 

[foray]

just to see you walk down the road with your soft, brown briefcase
just once would be enough

This is just too moving.
Well, it was strangely comforting to read that your Dad was in fact a hard person to live with. Our experiences may be more similar than I thought, and your capability to forgive and cherish him the way you do is a good example for me to follow. I have forgiven my Dad (family is family, after all! no matter how many times they screw you up) but he... ah well, I don't know what else to say. Anyway, thanks, zoomanda.

foray