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Old 08-24-2000, 10:44 PM   #1
Kid A
 
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a poem

"my ocean, my love"

you are not the ocean that I once swam in
it was not long ago that your water was blue
the salt has swelled your eyes,
as stains form on your soft white cheeks,
the sandy beaches collapse,
as the tides pass as strangers,
did we drift apart or drown?
life was an island and you were my ocean

my love, my ocean?
how can I ever find my way back to your arms,
if I can never pull myself away . . .
from the undercurrent of these shores?
the shallow water fills my lungs,
with an immeasurable depth of sorrow
I love to float on the waves of echos . . .

always fading,
always sinking,
always drowning,
all ways
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Old 08-25-2000, 10:40 AM   #2
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Hey Wanderer, great stuff. Very well-versed and a nice flow. Quite deep though. Personal experience? (You don't have to answer that.)
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Old 08-25-2000, 12:12 PM   #3
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thanks fly, kind of personal, but kind of vicarious too . . . ever notice how people just "lose" each other sometimes, and it doesn't matter what you do to try and get each other back . . . it can be as simple as that, you can float back to each other or the tides can make you drift further apart, but even then, it's never the same, for better or worse . . . kind of like the line in "Dirty Day"

"Dragging me down
That's not the way it used to be
You can't even remember
What I'm trying to forget

It was a Dirty Day"

kind of melancholy, the antithesis of "Beautiful Day," but you need a few "Dirty Days" to recognize the "Beautiful Day"
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Old 08-25-2000, 01:42 PM   #4
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I know exactly what you mean, Wanderer. In fact, I had a remarkably similar situation of someone just sort of drifting away from me without realizing it was happening.
The poem is bang on. Perhaps you should sell it to Bono. Thanks Wanderer.
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Old 08-25-2000, 03:39 PM   #5
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well, thanks again fly, I think Bono does quite well on his own though, as I'm sure you know . . . besides, my poems aren't for sale, and the only payment I could think of is that once in a while someone connects with something I've written (as you say you have) . . . but thank you, your comments are appreciated

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"A man will rise, a man will fall, from the sheer face of love, like a fly from a wall--it's no secret at all"
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Old 08-29-2000, 12:18 AM   #6
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Great job, Wanderer! I'd go into more depth now, but I'm at work and keep getting called away. I'll post more on my thoughts when I'm off work tonight.

I did want to say I agree about your non-selling take on poetry. Our final project in my last semester Creative Writing class in college was to send off five samples of our poetry to various magazines to see if any would get published. I got four rejection slips and a suggestion on how to alter my poem to make it "publishable." Now I have nothing against constructive criticism (how else do we learn?), but changing my poems simply to get them published seemed like such a sell out. If they'd said, "Here are some suggestions to improve your poem and make it flow better," I would have said thanks a bunch! But to make it "publishable?!" No thanks...

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Old 08-29-2000, 01:40 AM   #7
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thanks for your thoughts,

let's suppose for one second that Bono actually did want to use my poem for something (the imagination is an amazing thing!) why on earth would I want to charge him money for it? I would just give it to him and die happy. I mean, a few years ago Allan Ginsberg recited "Miami" at one of his readings, do you think Bono would have been like, "hey man, I gotta get paid" I'm sure he probably was simply elated and honored that a lengendary poet considered his lyrics to be worthy poetry . . . one time I did submit a poem for publication at my college, and they told me I needed to make a change or two so it would "fit" in with the other poems they had selected . . . what?! I would definitely change something to make it better, but not to pander to an agenda . . . I hope I am making sense because I am fading here, it's late as hell on the East Coast, and I have to get up in a few hours again . . . I anxiously await to read one of your poems . . . "Little Lamb God bless thee."
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Old 08-29-2000, 02:00 AM   #8
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You made excellent sense, Wanderer, but it's past your bedtime, so I'll see you tomorrow!

If I can't get last night's poem polished to my liking, I'll post one that's a bit older instead. Unfortunately, I worked harder on my poetry when I was still in college, because there were so many people interested in it then. The sharing of ideas is the way to growth... Guess I'll need to sharpen my skills back up and see what you think of my ideas, eh?

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Old 08-29-2000, 03:43 PM   #9
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Wanderer, I just finished reading your poem again, and I really like it. The ocean imagery works quite well in this context, doesn't it? I especially like the ending, as you seque from 'always' (forever) to 'all ways' (in every way possible) to describe the drifting apart. Great job! Can I read some more?

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