A not-so-good poem by Bebe ! - U2 Feedback

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Old 10-15-2001, 08:30 PM   #1
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A not-so-good poem by Bebe !

untitled and lifted from under my bed...

Overflow my pen with endless grace
So I may share my weary heart's pace.
You see that man rocking in his chair?
It has been so long since he first sat there.
His load was heavy and it hurt me so,
Yet his eyes seemed to say "you'll never know."
The diagnosis with cancer of the lung
Was the first disaster that had stung.
Do not be fooled, it does not end there.
There were many events which drove him to the chair.
Take for instance his bank account,
Which never held a great amount.
His wife who left for a higher sum,
Gave plenty reason to look this glum.
And then there's the war which stung the nation,
To leave this man in isolation.
For once his surroundings met his fate,
There was no found refuge from this state.
By telling the tale I fear I'm prophetic...
I constantly pray this is not genetic.

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Old 10-16-2001, 09:15 AM   #2
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I liked that, Bebe! Thanks for sharing it!

It makes me sad though...

But being sad is good for a person sometimes...makes them think...

Thanks again for letting us read it.


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"I don't know you,
But you don't know that half of it...
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Old 10-16-2001, 09:44 AM   #3
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Bebe, that was beautiful

it reminded me of something very close to home, and I thank you for that

By telling the tale I fear I'm prophetic...
I constantly pray this is not genetic.




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but for the grace of love I'd will the meaning of heaven from above...
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Old 10-16-2001, 10:43 PM   #4
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I was going to reply earlier...

I like this very much... everyone here is too hard on themselves! It was very well expressed, and to get it all to rhyme as well is very hard, but you pulled it off beautifully. And it much be a difficult subject for you... thank you for sharing it.

My favourite lines...

And then there's the war which stung the nation,
To leave this man in isolation.
For once his surroundings met his fate,
There was no found refuge from this state.

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Old 10-16-2001, 11:12 PM   #5
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i liked it Bebe, it's always tough to rhyme without seeming trite, especially considering the content of your poem, but this poems works, and the theme/use of the rocking chair is briliant
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