A Loss

[Justin24]

Thinking everyday a shattered life seems not to long ago. Working and receiving a call from your crying mom telling me your gone. I spoke with you the night before planning our trip to Ireland.
You were my friend, a brother to me we sharred storys and dreamed of many things we wanted to do. Seeing you lay in the casket with your arms folded holding your favorite baseball cap, I cant quite to seem to grasp, that I will never hear you laugh, talk and go out and hang out anymore.

I cry, I vision everyday why did you have to die. I vision you everyday in that casket. I can only vision you mentally now and spiritually. Evan my friend it has been two years since you passing I will never forget you.


http://legacy.com/MercuryNews/DeathNotices.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=1989580

 

[ZeroDude]

Well it’s nice that writing this was possibly a cathartic experience but it has no artistic merit whatsoever.

The last paragraph with the continual repetition of the word “vision” was nauseating. You even used the word in the wrong context, I believe that you should probably proof read everything you write for monotony and/ or spelling/ grammatical mistakes.

Peace.

 

[Numb1075]

Justin, keep up the good work.

Zerodude wasn't really a fan of my style either.

 

[UberBeaver]

Well it’s nice that writing this was possibly a cathartic experience but it has no artistic merit whatsoever.

The last paragraph with the continual repetition of the word “vision” was nauseating. You even used the word in the wrong context, I believe that you should probably proof read everything you write for monotony and/ or spelling/ grammatical mistakes.

Peace.

Catharsis can be the highest form of artistic merit there is. Critiquing works for the sole purpose of showing off, and/or being an asshole, has no merit, artistic or otherwise, other than fanning a shallow, fragile ego. Relax man, let the guy grieve in his own way.

 

[Justin24]

Thank You.

 

[ZeroDude]

Catharsis can be the highest form of artistic merit there is. Critiquing works for the sole purpose of showing off, and/or being an asshole, has no merit, artistic or otherwise, other than fanning a shallow, fragile ego. Relax man, let the guy grieve in his own way.

Making grand, unfounded assumptions and regular nonsensical statements also suggests that someone is compensating for his or her own social ineptitude.

Although I will apologise.

Sorry Justin I’ll keep my comments to myself.

 

[UberBeaver]

Making grand, unfounded assumptions and regular nonsensical statements also suggests that someone is compensating for his or her own social ineptitude.

We agree on that point. Awesome. High Five!

 

[Numb1075]

Zerodude, I think you have every right to post your thoughts....that's why this is a thread or a forum.

I welcome your thoughts and insights. But in my personal opinion, that came off as rather rude and harsh. I think you can bring it down a notch, that's all.

Especially for someone who is rather new to DOL such as Justin.

 

[ZeroDude]

Well then there's not much else to be said here.

We just have different opinions on what makes a good piece of writing that's all.

We agree on that point. Awesome. High Five!

Indeed we do.

We can use each other as case studies!

 

[Bonochick]

Though posting in DOL basically opens you up for being critiqued, I'm glad ZeroDude apologized, considering the nature of the subject. I'd also like to add that if criticism is going to be given in this forum, it should really be constructive.

This thread may have been better in Zoo Confessionals, actually...but I will just leave it here unless Justin requests otherwise.

 

[ZeroDude]

^
Well in all honesty the second half of my original post suggested proof reading for mistakes and if that does not constitute constructive criticism, there’s little else that does.

Although if required by Justin, delete my posts.

 

[Numb1075]

thanks BC....

 

[Bonochick]

^
Well in all honesty the second half of my original post suggested proof reading for mistakes and if that does not constitute constructive criticism, there’s little else that does.

I'll give ya that...but to call something nauseating is just pretty harsh, and I think how you told him he should proofread sounded snide, not helpful, though that could just be a misinterpretation on my part. Sometimes, things don't come across clearly just through text on a screen.

 

[ZeroDude]

That’s one hundred percent true but we all have to be aware that there is a distinct possibility that at some point we'll have our posts misconstrued by others.

 

[Justin24]

No it is fine. He is entitled to his opinion. I this to be a poem for my friend. ZeroDude has everyright to his opinion and I enjoy his poetry.