A Discarded Paint-Can

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the tourist

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Dec 25, 2003
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Silver lining with the edges rubbed out,
a girl with broken wings stands on building rooftop, staring
at the night life of the city street below.
Her angel wings only flew so far before they'd broken;
the fall was devastating, the cracked teeth
on highway cement under summer's watching red, dead moon. Bloodshot, her eyes
see. Fog wraps round her skinny wrists,
twigs waiting to be snapped,
rings round fingers symbolizing promises she's once kept but long ago had forgotten.
All those boys she'd loved; all those boys who'd left.
The twisted iron halo hung over her angel hair in mocking stasis,
thorns in her side where makeup dribbled off her face, black mascara
traingles, badly drawn, forever stained.
Nothing inside of her left was beautiful,
the used
and the cast-aside. A discarded paint can. An empty bottle
of alcohol. Every emotion a plaything some child stepped on in his little combat boots, snapping,
crunching,
shattered.
Over the concrete lip.
Feet over shoulders, graceful like an olympic diver, silent
cold air pressing upward.
Until the sidewalk stained crimson.
 
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The writing is very good.........it's just that I find it rather depressing so if I don't comment that's why.

But keep writing.

:|
 
I liked it, but I'm thinking I would have enjoyed it even more if you hadn't mentioned that it was a paint can...it leaves a bit more mystery to it.
 
It wasn't actually a discarded paint can. That's just what she felt like.
 
Good metaphor quite inventive, sorry I haven't commented thus far ( Until now of course:wink: )
 
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Well....what disturbed me was that I interpreted it as a reflection of a young girl thrown into a world of drugs and prostitution......and not wanting to deal with it any longer......decides to end her life by jumping off a building to her death.

Perhaps that was not your intent of the writing but it did impact my emotions quite intensely and that is what I felt by reading it.

Please keep writing....it is very good.

carol
wizard2c
:|
 
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