Wow this is complicated stuff

[LikeNoOneBefore]

(This might take a bit to explain.)


So my close friend who is two years younger than me is going through a bit of sexual confusion. About a month ago, he just came right out and declared himself completely gay. All of our friends were pretty okay with it (save one, but he's alright now I think) and life went on. But then, he got a girlfriend. We all were REALLY confused. They "dated" for a few weeks, but were rarely around each other in school, were always mad at each other, were never affectionate, hardly spoke, and he acted like he was dating ME more than her. So, they broke up. No surprise. My friend continued saying that he's gay.

Rewind a bit. The day my friend started dating that girl, I got pretty upset. I didn't think it was that perceptible, but I received an IM from him later of "Why do you get so mad everytime I talk about Allison?" So basically, I told him that until he told everyone he was gay, I liked him and that seeing him with a girl was really confusing me and kind of hurting me. He gave me an "Umm oh God" but things were okay after that. He acted even friendlier around me.

Fast forward a short bit. Out of my stupidity, I made a long blog post about a guy I really liked. He caught on that it was him, left me a comment saying, "Assumed no one uses Xanga, eh?" and didn't mention it again. After that, he was even more affectionate around me. He said "I love you" a lot, kissed me on the cheek all the time, and hung out with me every chance we could get. This is all still going on right now. Keep in mind that he says he's gay. I have a lot of gay friends and none of them treat me like that.

So let me sum up some other things he does...
-Grabs my hand when we're together, holds it for a few minutes and then lets go.
-Played with my hair, held my hand, touched my arm and shoulder etc. while watching a movie at my house
-Has an inside joke with me that we have a kid
-Tells me he loves me a lot
-Calls me every day to talk for about two hours
-Kisses me on the cheek still
-When we hang out, it's only the two of us
-He took me on a pseudo-date once
-He insists on paying for things when we go places
-Our parents think we're dating
-Our friends think we're dating
-He got me a really nice necklace for Christmas
-He talks about me a whole lot on random blogs and such
-We're going to prom together.

...I'm probably forgetting some.

HOWEVER, there's this girl he likes. Although, she is obsessed with another guy we know and often drags my guy friend that we're talking about with her to visit the guy she likes at where he works. She bought my guy friend cologne for Christmas, saying, "Oh it's what Mike wears!" which is the name of the guy she likes. She always switches the topic to this guy if my guy friend is asking her for help on a problem. She never stops talking about him. My guy friend hates it and complains to me about it. This girl has done nothing for him. I've been there for my guy friend through a lot of things, but he still likes this girl. Once again, how does this make him gay?

I talked with my friends who ARE completely gay, and they have no idea what's going on with my guy friend. They're just as confused, if not more, as I am.

Here are some possible things to keep in mind:
-He was cheated on for nine months by a girl once.
-He and I have fought twice in which we didn't talk to each other for a day or two but ended up being better friends afterwards.
-He talks about guys around me.
-He acts like he's forcing himself to be gay by asking me stuff like "Do I have a gay voice?" or randomly saying "Gosh, I'm SO gay."
-He's had a lot of relationships in the past. I don't think he's ever dated a guy. If he did, it was once and a really short relationship.
-He's a compulsive liar. (Don't know how that's helpful but who knows?)
-He knows I like him.

So my final questions are these:

Is this just complete sexual confusion?
Is he completely leading me on or does he actually like me?
Should I say something to him?
What's going on, in general?

If you read that whole thing, you're my hero.

I figured that since I already asked a bunch of my friends and they have no idea, I should go here.

 

[Angela Harlem]

I dont think it's you who's confused in the slightest, dude. No wonder you are unsure, though! He sounds so utterly unsure of whether he is Arthur or Martha, that you are copping it all. If I was to hazard a guess at what is going on with him, it sounds as if he is actually gay but is struggling more than he lets on with this, and instead hides behind it or battles it by continuing the chase with the girl who he knows he cannot have, and practices heterosexual behaviour on you - all to avoid dealing with the difficulty in coming out... Or not. Honestly, who knows. You say he is a compulsive liar? Sounds like a bad situation where you might never really get to the bottom of what is going on, or a straight forward explanation from him.

All this aside, no matter what is really going, it sounds as though his future is not with you, sadly. Whether he's gay or not, he is not trying to figure it out with you in mind. Life shouldn't be this complicated. It's easy to feed drama, but hard to fix it once it gets out of control. I'd remove myself from it if I were you, and find something more healthy to get involved with. I dont mean abandon your friends, but not be so intricately involved like this. It can only come to more heartache.

 

[jimmmm]

Well, LikeNoOneBefore, I read it all, but unfortunately can't offer any advice, not being funny, but reading it all reminded me of that classic US sitcom SOAP, confused, you will be!

 

[Lynz778]

I had a similar situation with one of my friends, in that I liked him and he led me on as yours did. But at the same time he made moves on guys and also admitted he liked another girl. I still have not figured out what is going on, all I can say is unless you can stop yourself liking him then you have to remove yourself from the situation because you are the one getting hurt the most.

Although my friend claims he is straight and once hooked up with me at a party, he still tells me im the dream girlfriend and flatters me no end. It took me nine months to get over him becuase of his flattery and the fact he lead me on, and it was me who suffered for it. He seems to be totally happy with his way of treating people.

So my advice is basically the same as Angela H's - you need to get away from him for a while, not leave him, but let him know that you have your own life to live and you can't be doing with having your feelings messed around. Once you know you can deal with him being with someone else then you can go back to your old ways, knowing that he can't hurt you anymore. I'm sorry to tell you but I don't think he is interested. And he might be gay, or he could just be looking for a person of either sex and doesn't know what to do about that. But all I can say is it's his battle and you can help him out, just not at the expense of your own feelings.

Good Luck!

 

[LikeNoOneBefore]

Thanks everyone.

Yeah, he's starting to talk about this guy named Eric a lot which is worrying me not only because of my feelings for him, but because he JUST met the guy (not even formally; he found him on MySpace since the guy goes to our school), and I don't like the idea of him rushing into relationships, now that the guy asked him on a date. "Nothing serious," my friend claims. Anyway, I know I can't tell him how to run his life, and he knows I'm a little upset (well that's not really the word) about this Eric guy.

I really don't want to seem like a cruddy friend so I'm trying my best to fake a smile through this whole ordeal. He truly is one of my best friends so I really don't want to lose him. We were friends like the second we met. We clicked instantly. I never really had that with anyone else. I'm hoping everything just evens itself out. I have faith that it will, and I don't want either of us to be hurt in this.

I have a feeling that this probably won't end up in us being together so I'm just praying that I don't hurt too badly, since I definitely can't deal with that right now.