why you never belonged together

[Blue Room]

That's it. They don't wanna live in Michigan, you break it off.

Well, when you both live in Michigan, date for a year and its never brought up to live anywhere else until 1 month before the wedding? I thought that was a bit odd and ridiculous. Maybe thats just me though.

 

[Blue Room]

Yep, on the hindsight thing.


So, are you seeing anyone?

Actually, no.

 

[VintagePunk]

Actually, no.

 

[Diemen]

When I realized that I was willingly overlooking big obstacles because I really wanted things to work, that was a pretty big clue. In the back of my head I knew I was the rebound, but I jumped in anyway.

Like when we'd be asleep, and her ex would call in the middle of the night, and she'd get out of bed and talk to him for an hour (thinking I was asleep). Yeah, I somehow didn't run screaming right there.

Or when her ex decided to drop into town for a month, and I gave her space trusting her when she said she needed to "resolve [their] issues and get some closure." Turns out resolving issues meant sleeping together.

My biggest mistake was thinking that I would be the one to get her over him and that she'd fall in love with me. I was her security blanket through her trouble. Big difference between that and actually being the one she wanted to be with.

Not that I hold her to blame for it all. I was an utter fool (and more than a bit of a drama queen) for much of that time. But I learned some valuable lessons because of it.

 

[redkat]

When I was 18 I dated an "artist" he used to sketch me. I was so flattered that it didn't bother me I was usually bleeding in his drawings

I didn't see that red flag and it ended badly


So most of you seem to have seen the flags all along. I'm guessing all the happily coupled people have red flags in their relationships as well. I'm wondering how many are enough to walk away. I mean there are always going to be red flags I think. Some we just learn to live with, and some of us will wake up one day and decide it's not worth it anymore.

 

[Carek1230]

I am one of those who woke up one day and decided it wasn't worth it any more. My ex had just wanted some "space" for 6 mos. or so and when that stretched to several years I'd finally had enough. No more waiting for me. Frustration, change, problems, red flags.....they happen in every relationship. Seems today people aren't strong or willing enough to try to work things out, it's so much easier to move on to another relationship. Hindsight doesn't do us any good-it's too late by the time we realize things called "hindsight" anyway. *We* don't recognize signs while in the thick of the relationship--outsiders are the ones who see things we don't.

 

[Cleasai]

I was dating a girl commonly refered to as evil ex-girlfriend. Fist of all she lived in Alameda and while I was here in San Diego. She demanded that I giver rather extravagent gift on just about any occasion. We're talking about Tiffanys Jewelry. She'd also constantly pout and whine because I wasn't willing to fly to Alameda every week. That all seems like small stuff but in general she just wasn't a nice person. Every chance she got it was a joke about me with her and her friends. She also hated U2.

She eventually broke up with me on Birthday and said that she was seeing someone else for the past month.

Aside from the occasional stupidity and the realisation of the current situation, I believe people just grow up and and out grow each other.

 

[Carek1230]

Change and basic evolving in today's frantic world will do it!

 

[Sweet Tart]

i thought my ex was the one and just ignored the red flags. the main one was that i wanted to move elsewhere to experience something new and he wanted to move home and buy the house across the road from his parents house.

i put up with a lot of crap from him over the 5 years we were together and even though i still do with others now at least i'm getting out of these ridiculous situations earlier. its not much but its progress. i think i'm just a sucker for punishment.

 

[starsgoblue]

The time he told me the morning of a U2 show that he "didn't feel like going anymore"

Also, I can relate to the whole having to make excuses to others for his behavior when really he was just being an outright prick. I made that mistake several times...geez I am so glad I learned my lesson finally.

 

[AtomicBono]

The time he told me the morning of a U2 show that he "didn't feel like going anymore"

was that cleveland? did you ever end up going there?

yeah uh I'd be pissed if my friend had bailed on me the morning of the show... that's pretty ridiculous.

 

[namkcuR]

We couldn't give each other what we wanted.

 

[RedRocksU2]

Well when I was 24, I had a relationship where she could not "allow" me to have other friends........especially, female friends. She would actually be jealous of my own family members. I do not know why I stayed with her, but after a few months, she proposed to me and I said that we were not ready for that commitment.......2 hours later we broke up.

1 year into my marriage, she tracked me down. She was married already and she had a son.... .........she asked if I wanted to "hang out" just like old times......

I was VERY lucky to get out of that relationship.

 

[joerags]

Well when I was 24, I had a relationship where she could not "allow" me to have other friends........especially, female friends. She would actually be jealous of my own family members. I do not know why I stayed with her, but after a few months, she proposed to me and I said that we were not ready for that commitment.......2 hours later we broke up.

1 year into my marriage, she tracked me down. She was married already and she had a son.... .........she asked if I wanted to "hang out" just like old times......

I was VERY lucky to get out of that relationship.

 

[Party Boy]

Aren't all the red flags people are talking part of the natural dating process? You meet people, you have a great time together, but over a longer period of time, things come out that you don't like so much. Nothing particularly wrong about it - the person is just not for you. So you break up.

I wouldn't necessarily hate ex's because they did silly/stupid things that you can't agree with. Ever think that they have the same view of you? - being in a relationship sometimes makes people act irrationally. Whatever happened, I would try to just take the view that they weren't suited for me and thats all there is to it. Time is a healer and I guess over time I look back with rose tinted glasses - forgetting the bad things and remembering the good things. Thats not a bad way to remember someone from a relationship in your past, rather than remembering all the bad things - life is too short for that.

I guess for every failed relationship, it helps make a clearer picture in your mind of what you do or don't want in a relationship - so in a sense, going through the mill with an ex can sometimes be a helpful thing long term.

That said, I suspect males/females look back differently over failed relationships. At least thats my impression from my male/female friends and my own experience.