When are we over them?

[BrownEyedBoy]

As I had posted before about a month and a half ago my girlfriend and I broke up after two years. I must admit I miss her like crazy but I know I don't want to go back. I think it's more of being used to doing something and then not having it. But that's not the point...

My question is, how do you know that you're over your breakup/ex?

Thanks for the answers.

Breaking up sucks by the way.

 

[Bonochick]

I think they are some people you just never completely get over. You move on with your life and find someone new...but there's a part of that old love that you can just never shake.

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

I still think about my ex boyfriend's and hope they are all doing well. I wonder sometimes about what they are doing, if they found the woman of their dreams to marry and if they have kids now.

 

[MrBrau1]

2 months after 2 years is a VERY short time. It may take a while...but in the meantime you need to try and get laid, or at least meet new women. It will do wonders for you. Don't look to fall in love, just have fun.

 

[BrownEyedBoy]

I have met women but it hasn't been anything serious. Just flings at clubs and stuff. I just can't shake what I'm used to having and my "home, if you will, that I used to turn to for shelter.

What other signs tell you you're over that person?

 

[Needle_Chill]

I'm going through the same thing as you, except 14 months, and it's been just over a month. I'm already in another relationship with someone, and loving it. I think just moving on as quickly as possible is the key, and the feelings will eventually fade.

 

[BrownEyedBoy]

Ah, see, that's my problem, I'm very picky with girls when it comes to relationships. At clubs and stuff basically any girl that comes along can spend some time with me if she wants to but outside of the club I'd rather not have anything with them.

Want to know something sad? I took this girl out on some quasi-date here and I was bored to death with her. I wasn't really into her.

But anyways, what I'm looking for is like syntoms that I'm getting over the relationship.

 

[MrBrau1]

I have met women but it hasn't been anything serious. Just flings at clubs and stuff. I just can't shake what I'm used to having and my "home, if you will, that I used to turn to for shelter.

What other signs tell you you're over that person?

Whatever you're feeling now is normal, and a sign that you really were in love. Be grateful for that. Most people on thie Earth never get to feel love like that.

Simply put, there is no timetable. Love is a bitch, but ya gotta keep livin.

 

[BrownEyedBoy]

Thanks for the guidance MrBrau1. It's the first serious relationship I ever had so this is completely new for me.

 

[MrBrau1]

Thanks for the guidance MrBrau1. It's the first serious relationship I ever had so this is completely new for me.

You know my story, and that was my first experience with real love. It fucking killed me. But now I'm even better, and you will be as well.

 

[starsgoblue]

What if you don't really get over some people? Sometimes I wonder...

 

[Colours4U2]

i know someone who moved far away from where she lived to just get over a guy. who knows it will work or not. who ever knows.

 

[LoveTown]

heh I will tell you when I'm over him.... it's taking me a VERY long time.

 

[blueeyedgirl]

It took my ex leaving the country to make me not be angry at him anymore. Before that it was 6 months of angst.

 

[DrTeeth]

I think we never really get over lost relationships and I think that's a good thing in the end. These past experiences make us what we are and allow us to learn from our mistakes. What would life be without them?

 

[redkat]

I don't think you do get over them completely I think about all my ex's even the bad ones. If there were some good times the memories will get triggered.

Your goal is just to move on not forget or stop remembering them. Give yourself more time! Meanwhile distract yourself with friends and other social things as much as possible. The more time you spend alone the more you'll think of her.

 

[BrownEyedBoy]

Wow, there isn't much hope according to a lot of your replies?

Some people have said you're over your ex after you can think about them and not feel bad. Stuff like that is what I am looking for.

 

[LoveTown]

well you are over them when you can start to picture yourself with somebody else. Now if you are asking HOW to get over somebody that is a question I can't answer

 

[redkat]

Wow, there isn't much hope according to a lot of your replies?

Some people have said you're over your ex after you can think about them and not feel bad. Stuff like that is what I am looking for.

That's not true. we're not saying there is no hope. What we're saying is that you need to give yourself time and you will move one and be happy with someone else

You loved her though and some of the feelings you have may never completely disappear. It will be alright though and you'll feel better!

 

[briarrose]

I think it's hard to get over someone completely. I felt I was pretty much over a guy I used to see when I noticed I was rarely thinking about him. Also, when I see him (we work at the same place, different departments) I don't care anymore. I used to worry what I look like and what he was thinking. Though I must admit that sometimes I still want him to still like me. I have to try hard to avoid playing games. So yeah, I'm not completely over it, but I'm 95% there and that may be the closest I get.

 

[BluRmGrl]

...how do you know that you're over your breakup/ex?

For me it was at the point when, even though it still hurt some, I could think of a happy memory & smile instead of cry.

Give yourself time. Two years is a good portion of anyone's life and when it's your first serious relationship, it feels like your WHOLE life. I believe the only time getting over someone is a problem is when is starts adversely affecting your life, i.e. you won't go out with anyone, because they couldn't possibly make you as happy as your ex; or, you become obsessed with the "what ifs"... what if I'd be more attentive?, what if they'd communicated to me better?, what if we could/would get back together?, etc., etc.

It's OK to mourn what you've lost - just don't let the mourning become your life! Good luck!

 

[Mr. BAW]

Re: Re: When are we over them?

For me it was at the point when, even though it still hurt some, I could think of a happy memory & smile instead of cry.

Give yourself time. Two years is a good portion of anyone's life and when it's your first serious relationship, it feels like your WHOLE life. I believe the only time getting over someone is a problem is when is starts adversely affecting your life, i.e. you won't go out with anyone, because they couldn't possibly make you as happy as your ex; or, you become obsessed with the "what ifs"... what if I'd be more attentive?, what if they'd communicated to me better?, what if we could/would get back together?, etc., etc.

It's OK to mourn what you've lost - just don't let the mourning become your life! Good luck!

Ur over me???

 

[Angela Harlem]

Wow, there isn't much hope according to a lot of your replies?

Some people have said you're over your ex after you can think about them and not feel bad. Stuff like that is what I am looking for.

The thing to learn is to coexist with the loss. Sometimes you wont get over them, but you can be entirely happy with new people and in a new relationship. What you have to do is find a way to live with the memories and pain and good thoughts so you dont end up consumed and bitter or perpetually heartbroken..

 

[beegee]

for me its when i start to get pissed at how they wasted my time

 

[For Honor]

^good point about them wasting your time, and effort, etc.


Don't let them waste your time, effort, love, and life, especially AFTER they have broken up with you. It's nice to be emotional about it, and I know I was.... but the bottome line is, you start wasting your own time, and you have to remedy that.

Don;t listen to any sort of love songs for a while, and listen to postive, especially self enhancing songs. And find things that you like to do on your own - that helped me. These are all suggestions, of course. I'm no master at getting over love.

For me, I don't even know if I would want to. I've shared a lot of things with that person, and the only thing I didn't like was malicious thinking. We parted on great terms, so I guess that helps, though.


Anyhow.... just remember how great you are, and how great your love is, and think about how lucky she was to have it. It is rare for people to fall in love, and it is just as rare for someone to be loved.

It goes both ways.


I always think about the lucky person who I'll give all my love to someday. I know that sounds arrogant, but it will be a special thing. I'm not even talking about how lucky I'd have to be. But love is always something you can look forward to, I suppose.


I guess my advice is to focus on the positives of the present and future, rather than the negatives of the past. And the cycle of life involves loss, but the most important part of loss is moving on. Otherwise you stagnate, and... decay. But I know that can be difficult sometimes.

good luck

 

[BluRmGrl]

Re: Re: Re: When are we over them?

Ur over me???

I didn't even know we were through!!!

 

[carrieluvv]

I think it's hard to get over someone completely. I felt I was pretty much over a guy I used to see when I noticed I was rarely thinking about him. Also, when I see him (we work at the same place, different departments) I don't care anymore. I used to worry what I look like and what he was thinking. Though I must admit that sometimes I still want him to still like me. I have to try hard to avoid playing games. So yeah, I'm not completely over it, but I'm 95% there and that may be the closest I get.

you poor thing- it sucks that ya have to work with that person ...but it sounds like your head is in the right place- being aware of tendencies to do certain stuff and to avoid doin certain stuff.

I was gonna say one day you'll notice a whole day has gone by and ya didnt even think of that person.

remember-> its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all & time heals all wounds

corny? yes....but so true

 

[briarrose]

you poor thing- it sucks that ya have to work with that person ...but it sounds like your head is in the right place- being aware of tendencies to do certain stuff and to avoid doin certain stuff.

I was gonna say one day you'll notice a whole day has gone by and ya didnt even think of that person.

remember-> its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all & time heals all wounds

corny? yes....but so true

Thanks carrie! I appreciate your response.

I also wanted to say that when you see your ex or think about them and you can say to yourself, "What did I see in them?" that it's a huge step in getting over them.

 

[BrownEyedBoy]

Wow, that last one will take a while.

 

[briarrose]

Wow, that last one will take a while.

Well, that only happened for me because things didn't end well. The guy became a completely different person during our last week.