Interesting thread, some things I've wondered about here. I am a year and a few months past the end of a fairly short relationship (four months, though we were sort of unofficially going out for a couple of months before that and had been good friends some time before that). He broke it off (he had also asked me out originally) after doing yoyos for ages and telling me one minute how happy he was, the next that he wasn't happy enough and his ex girlfriend had made him happier, etc. (apologies if this is sounding familiar to anyone, I did have one or two threads about it up here before, but a while ago). I didn't realize during the relationship how much all this was hurting me, but it really hit me hard afterward. Initially he said he wanted to be friends again, and I thought I felt the same but I was too angry/hurt for it to be really feasible...also, we were in the same congregation and thus saw each other usually at least one or twice a week and not infrequently in the company of mutual friends, which was extremely difficult for me (not sure about him) and must have prolonged things. Mostly we kept our distance but we had a couple of semi-fights (by text...how sad) which I'm afraid were mostly my fault and made things worse. By the time I moved away a few weeks ago, we were able to be cordial with each other, but we never have anything like a genuine conversation, I don't expect him to keep in touch, and I'd say it's only technically that we're still friends.
Anyway, I've now left the country (yup! but not mainly to flee this situation, which had improved by the time I left) and am living in a new city...but I doubt I am entirely over the situation. It was really my first relationship, and not getting much distance afterward didn't help either. It's not that I still love him or have wanted to get back together for a very long time. I realized very quickly after it ended that it wouldn't have worked and that he was a very selfish individual and much less mature than I'd given him credit for. It's more that I still tend to dwell on things and get angry, and I can still feel very hurt. I think it's mainly when I'm on my own or feeling lonely. I have a few friends here but haven't really got to know many people yet or built a network. I am hoping that once that happens all the bad stuff will fade for good, but I'm a bit scared because I'm already living in a city I love and have wanted to live in for a long time...and I still dwell on the stuff that happened last year. I could imagine myself with someone else at this point; I've met at least one guy since I got here who I found very attractive (whether or not he felt similarly, or if I ever see much of him, is another question). But I'm afraid that I might eventually begin a new relationship and find that I'm still dwelling on the stuff that happened with my ex. I mean, forever, or at least for a very long time. And the thought horrifies me.
I'm sorry for the bad experiences a lot of you have had but I admit it's a slight relief to know I'm not the only one who really struggles with this kind of thing.
not the old "its not you, its me" line
finding a friend ya feel like you can confide in helps too
