When a man is interested in you...

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VintagePunk

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It's been my experience that if a man is interested in you, he will go for it and ask you out.

I realize that there are *some* exceptions to this rule, and there may be certain circumstances where a guy might be hesitant for whatever reason. But I've always believed that if you show a reasonable amount of friendliness and openness, most men who are the least bit interested will run with it.

What do you think? I'm interested in hearing from both guys and girls.
 
Well I’m the sort of guy who for the most part needs a girl to show considerable interest before I can really return the interest with interest so to speak.

If you find yourself getting on well with a guy and are able to have a friendly conversation with him then maybe you should ask him out.

There are a lot of us out there who just don’t have the requisite balls.:wink:
 
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Being hesitant is my one single problem I think. (or one of many :wink: )

I think if a guy is interested in you, then he's going to show it somehow, (ehhh my wording of this is going to be poor..) It can be through just talking, prehaps asking you to dinner/movie ect ect, and there's probably endless possiblites

I'm in the sutiation now, where I'm tempted to ask this person out for dinner, or something, why is it (or seems) so easy for some, and for others its one of the most difficult things to do.

Without hi-jacking your thread, How should I bring this up?, how should i go about asking, my timeing is always awful, there never seems the right time to mention it.

anyways, sorry for hijacking your thread a little there VintagePunk :)
 
people in this world are introverted, extroverted, and everything else, with varying confidence levels and experiences.


Whatis your real question, because right now that's just a sort of.... general stab in the dark
 
I'm not saying that guys shouldn't build up their confidence and go after that oppertunity when you see it, no

But everyone is different, and that's just that. Different personality types click together.
 
For Honor said:
people in this world are introverted, extroverted, and everything else, with varying confidence levels and experiences.


Whatis your real question, because right now that's just a sort of.... general stab in the dark

You're talking to me I assume? :)))

My question is should I ask this person out to dinner some time, and then possibly take the friendship further....

And how do I do this? :lol:...Call/Text/In Person/Morse Code....ect
 
bono_man2002 said:
Being hesitant is my one single problem I think. (or one of many :wink: )

I think if a guy is interested in you, then he's going to show it somehow, (ehhh my wording of this is going to be poor..) It can be through just talking, prehaps asking you to dinner/movie ect ect, and there's probably endless possiblites

I'm in the sutiation now, where I'm tempted to ask this person out for dinner, or something, why is it (or seems) so easy for some, and for others its one of the most difficult things to do.

Without hi-jacking your thread, How should I bring this up?, how should i go about asking, my timeing is always awful, there never seems the right time to mention it.

anyways, sorry for hijacking your thread a little there VintagePunk :)

No problem, feel free to discuss away. :) We could probably all learn something. I'll add some input later, I'm a little distracted at the moment. :)
 
VintagePunk said:
It's been my experience that if a man is interested in you, he will go for it and ask you out.

I realize that there are *some* exceptions to this rule, and there may be certain circumstances where a guy might be hesitant for whatever reason. But I've always believed that if you show a reasonable amount of friendliness and openness, most men who are the least bit interested will run with it.

What do you think? I'm interested in hearing from both guys and girls.


When I first met my boyfriend, I was a bit standoffish and shy. He thought I hated him. He was interested in me but I was scared about getting back into a relationship. So he really didn't say anything to me about how he liked me. Once we started talking and getting to know each other, I became much more interested and knew that he wouldn't hurt me like the other guys I dated. We opened up to each other. He ended up asking me out a few months later. :) :heart:
 
Nice signature VintagePunk! :up: I agree! :wink:

On the topic. I can be sort of quiet (shy) when I'm interested in a girl. BUT, if I get talking to them and I really do like them and get a good vibe back from them, EVENTUALLY, I will ask. Sometimes it can take awhile (IE, need details, are they dating someone, etc..) but I would ask eventually. :shrug: I think when push comes to shove alot of guys would ask eventually. Its a question of how long it takes and that depends on each persons personality as others have pointed out.
 
It's the 21st Century....do guys still have to be the ones to ask girls out? For the most part I'd think a guy would, once he felt comfortable and interested in a girl, and seeing she is indeed open and showing interest, that he would ask her out. But I don't think there is anything wrogn with a female saying something to a guy like "let's go to a movie" or "would you like to get a cup of coffee and talk" or something like that.
 
Carek1230 said:
It's the 21st Century....do guys still have to be the ones to ask girls out? For the most part I'd think a guy would, once he felt comfortable and interested in a girl, and seeing she is indeed open and showing interest, that he would ask her out. But I don't think there is anything wrogn with a female saying something to a guy like "let's go to a movie" or "would you like to get a cup of coffee and talk" or something like that.

:up: I dont think its a problem either, unfortunately I dont think it happens that often. There is the stereotype that its the guys responsibility to ask. Its not AS prevelant as it once was, but its still prevelant.
 
When Phil and I started hooking up, neither of us really asked the other out. We had mutual friends, so we hung out a few times until I think we were both in an unspoken agreement that we were an "item". Our first "real" date was getting cheap Chinese take-out and discussing various bodily functions :shrug:

I don't think it should be assumed or expected that the guy has to make the first move. It doesn't hurt, but I don't think it's fair for a woman to hold it against a guy if he doesn't ask her out based on signals she thinks he should be picking up on.
 
Thanks for your responses, everyone.

ZeroDude said:
Well I’m the sort of guy who for the most part needs a girl to show considerable interest before I can really return the interest with interest so to speak.

There are a lot of us out there who just don’t have the requisite balls.:wink:

What sort of interest would a girl have to show, in order for you to "have the requisite balls" to make a move? ;)


bono_man2002 said:
I'm in the sutiation now, where I'm tempted to ask this person out for dinner, or something, why is it (or seems) so easy for some, and for others its one of the most difficult things to do.

Without hi-jacking your thread, How should I bring this up?, how should i go about asking, my timeing is always awful, there never seems the right time to mention it.

anyways, sorry for hijacking your thread a little there VintagePunk :)

Going back to ZeroDude's comments, what sort of interest has she shown? I think if you're reluctant to ask her out on a full-blown date, a good way to approach it would be to ask her out for coffee/a drink/lunch. Something casual. Or if you're talking with her about an activity you're both interested in (like an upcoming movie, for instance) you could suggest getting together for that. Casual, friendly, and it would give you an indication whether or not she's interested in a full-blown date.



Blue Room said:
Nice signature VintagePunk! :up: I agree! :wink:

On the topic. I can be sort of quiet (shy) when I'm interested in a girl. BUT, if I get talking to them and I really do like them and get a good vibe back from them, EVENTUALLY, I will ask. Sometimes it can take awhile (IE, need details, are they dating someone, etc..) but I would ask eventually. :shrug: I think when push comes to shove alot of guys would ask eventually. Its a question of how long it takes and that depends on each persons personality as others have pointed out.

The sig...thanks. Sadly, it's kind of indicative of where I'm coming from, at the moment. :wink:

The way you describe your approach - getting on with it eventually, despite maybe being somewhat reserved - that's what I'm talking about, the way I've experienced the whole thing. Most males would not sit back for an indefinite period of time and wring their hands and agonize over things, letting the opportunity pass by (unless there were very good underlying reasons complicating the situation). If they see a way in, they'll take it.

U2Girl1978 said:



When I first met my boyfriend, I was a bit standoffish and shy. He thought I hated him. He was interested in me but I was scared about getting back into a relationship. So he really didn't say anything to me about how he liked me. Once we started talking and getting to know each other, I became much more interested and knew that he wouldn't hurt me like the other guys I dated. We opened up to each other. He ended up asking me out a few months later. :) :heart:

So it sounds like he was ready, but just waiting for you to show you were interested? Nice story, thanks. :)

Carek1230 said:
It's the 21st Century....do guys still have to be the ones to ask girls out? For the most part I'd think a guy would, once he felt comfortable and interested in a girl, and seeing she is indeed open and showing interest, that he would ask her out. But I don't think there is anything wrogn with a female saying something to a guy like "let's go to a movie" or "would you like to get a cup of coffee and talk" or something like that.


LivLuvAndBootlegMusic said:

I don't think it should be assumed or expected that the guy has to make the first move. It doesn't hurt, but I don't think it's fair for a woman to hold it against a guy if he doesn't ask her out based on signals she thinks he should be picking up on.

I completely agree with both of you. There's no reason for a girl not to ask a guy out. I was just curious about the dynamic that occurs the other way, what men need to see before asking a woman out, what makes them hesitant (if anything), and if women have experienced men taking forever and waffling before finally getting on with it, or if they find that men are pretty straightforward and 'fearless,' for the most part.
 
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VintagePunk said:

What sort of interest would a girl have to show, in order for you to "have the requisite balls" to make a move? ;)

thats what i want to know because i'll think i'm making myself obvious enough but then my guy friends are like "oh no, we'd never pick up on that"

short of stripping and tatooing "i like you" on my forehead, i don't quite know what else to do sometimes! :mad: :grumpy:
 
digsy said:

short of stripping and tatooing "i like you" on my forehead, i don't quite know what else to do sometimes! :mad: :grumpy:

thats not a bad idea actually
 
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digsy said:


thats what i want to know because i'll think i'm making myself obvious enough but then my guy friends are like "oh no, we'd never pick up on that"

short of stripping and tatooing "i like you" on my forehead, i don't quite know what else to do sometimes! :mad: :grumpy:

That's exactly the way I feel. :|
 
Have any girls here read The Rules??

It basically teaches that the female should be standoffish and that the man will come after you. They say that if I guy doesn't call etc he's just not interested.
I think this is a load of crap. Some guys are just shy.
Or am I just being delusional?
Do The Rules really hold up?
 
shaynar said:
Have any girls here read The Rules??

It basically teaches that the female should be standoffish and that the man will come after you. They say that if I guy doesn't call etc he's just not interested.
I think this is a load of crap. Some guys are just shy.
Or am I just being delusional?
Do The Rules really hold up?

you are not delusional, you are a smart girl
 
Chizip said:


you are not delusional, you are a smart girl


so what is it then? do we make our interest known (which you probably won't pick up on anyway) or do we play aloof and hard to get?!?!?!

see this is why i hate games! it really should be as simple as i like you therefore i'll call you.
but no, intead we get the 3 day rule and the not thursday rule and the hard to get bollocks and all that shite.
believe me, if i like a guy, then i'm definitely not gonna be put off if he shows interest too. in fact the complete opposite will occur and making me wait 4 days for a phone call is not doing you any good at all!

so stripping and tattoos it is then i guess
 
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digsy said:


see this is why i hate games! it really should be as simple as i like you therefore i'll call you.


i agree, games are stupid and just being direct is the way to go. and that goes for both guys and girls. if you like someone, then ask them out.
 
Chizip said:



i agree, games are stupid and just being direct is the way to go. and that goes for both guys and girls. if you like someone, then ask them out.

Perfect in theory. It's rarely that simple in practice, though.

Or am I just making things unduly complicated?
 
The issue is self-doubt. I find that if interest is there, you KNOW it. You get positive energy.

I'd suggest YOU ask HIM to coffee. Then when you're leaving that engagement, say something like "I had a lot of fun. Gimme a call sometime" and make sure you mean it.
 
VintagePunk said:


Or am I just making things unduly complicated?

Probably, instead of wasting time with sending out "signals" and waiting for some reaction from the guy when he probably didn't even pick up on them in the first place, why not just ask him out?
 
WildHoneyAlways said:



Sometimes you get a false positive though. :|

or sometimes you get both (i'm getting both, its very weird)
some positives that bowl me over and then indifference that sends me reeling.
i think the fact that i'm finding it very hard to tell whats going on probably means there ain't much going on :(
 
Chizip said:


Probably, instead of wasting time with sending out "signals" and waiting for some reaction from the guy when he probably didn't even pick up on them in the first place, why not just ask him out?

Because of this:


digsy said:


or sometimes you get both (i'm getting both, its very weird)
some positives that bowl me over and then indifference that sends me reeling.
i think the fact that i'm finding it very hard to tell whats going on probably means there ain't much going on :(

Sounds like Digsy and I are experiencing the exact same thing.

And because I'm chickenshit. :wink:

I'm not always this way though. I think it's just this particular situation that's thrown me for a loop. I'm usually much more decisive, and that's what's made it really unsettling for me.
 
VintagePunk said:






Sounds like Digsy and I are experiencing the exact same thing.


are you sure you're not my alter?! :lol:
 
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