What to do when he likes you...

[blindinglights7]

Okay I admit it... I'm a lurker... but it's finally time to post.

Now I'm apologizing in advance cuz I know this sounds like a dumb high-school-ish situation. But it probably is.

So there's this senior guy (I'm a junior) who I guess really likes me. The problem is that I don't like him that way. We do spend a lot of time together though, because we're in marching band. The thing is, he has 'asked me out' a couple of times... most recently a little over a month ago. I have told him how I feel but he just won't give it up. I'm pretty sure I was clear in explaining to him that I don't want a relationship with him. Does he just not want to accept the fact that I don't feel the same way about him? Maybe... it just makes me very uncomfortable when I'm around him... i don't want him thinking about me that way. And now apparently (some inside information) he's planning to ask me out on a 'date'. I can't just say yes cuz that would be unfair to me and him... but how do I get him to leave me alone?! I just don't know what to do anymore when he brings up 'us'. I have explained things to him but he's still trying to get me. I don't know what else to say to make him understand. Maybe I just have to wait for this to pass? But it's been going on for maybe almost a year and I'm tired of it.

Wow it felt good to get that out.

 

[starsgoblue]

When he's around be really schlumpy and gross. Pick your nose. Burp. Loudly. He'll get grossed out and forget you quick.



Seriously, though...sounds like he's got it bad for ya. But he needs to take the hint. Have you been bluntly direct in telling him that you aren't interested in him that way?

 

[For Honor]

The easy answer is


find a boyfriend who will tell that other guy off, or maybe a good friend of yours.


But if things get... serious, don't hesitate to talk to school officials about it. Some times guys can get pretty upset if things don't go their way.

Not to plant seeds of fear. Just speaking from expereince.




Make sure that you are 't leading him on in subtle ways, like even though you interpret it as friendly, he might think youre passing signs?

You might have to cut all ties with this boy, if he cannot comply with the boundries you want with the relationship.

 

[martha]

You might have to cut all ties with this boy, if he cannot comply with the boundries you want with the relationship.

Excellent advice.

If you've made it clear, and he still can't take no for an answer, then he's not really even your friend if he can't respect you enough to accept your answer.

If he persists, talk to the band director. Stopping sexual harrassment is one of the band director's jobs.

 

[blindinglights7]

okay so i don't know how to quote... but thanks For Honor. I'll have to keep in mind that I don't want him to think that I'm flirting with him when I'm just trying to be friendly.

Just to clarify the situation, this isn't some sexual harassment case... just an annoying problem. Sorry, it's probably kinda hard to understand the situation when you're not really in it and don't know all the details.

Edit: By the way, what's with the 'Babyface' under my name? How did that get there/ how do I change it?

 

[yimou]

Edit: By the way, what's with the 'Babyface' under my name? How did that get there/ how do I change it?

http://forum.interference.com/misc.php?s=&action=faq&page=2#46

Welcome "lurker"

 

[Dismantled]

don't say yes cause you feel bad I did that once and ended up out on a date with a guy who just assumed I was his girlfriend now and then stalked me for a year

 

[For Honor]

Edit: By the he way, what's with the 'Babyface' under my name? How did that get there/ how do I change it?

If you want to get rid of babyface, post more. It is an indicator of how many posts you have. The more posts you have the different subtitles you get, unless you are a mod, I think. But I don't know all there is to know about that.


To

quote

someone, there is a little button on the bottom righthand corner of someone's post. It is next to the "edit" button.


You can always copy and past, and the "tags" are

[ q u o t e ]whatever you want to say[ / q u o t e ]
(Just take out all the spaces)


But you learn more as you go along, and I'm sure there are threads that help out first timers - I imagine that is what that other link was for.....

And I think BabyFace cafe is for rookies, too, right?


==============



Hope your situation works out.


Sometimes, unfortunately, by being nice to someone, it makes it worse. But just think of it as doing both of you a favor, since you don't want to be with him like that, and he shouldn't want to be with you if you are against it.

Like Martha said, it's about respect.

 

[bonnevoix02]

I would agree with the "cut all ties" advice. Some guys just don't get it. It's sorta hard if you're both in an activity, however, but you just need to stop even being his friend. In the long run, it will be for the best, and hopefully the uncomfortableness goes away soon.

 

[Needle_Chill]

I'd get a close friend of yours to talk to him if you can't get through to him.

Maybe you could send him an email or something explaining your thoughts, that way he is forced to read it and maybe he'll digest it easier. I always find that a message in writing can be very effective and much clearer.

If nothing works, then just stay away from the guy as much as possible as stated above, cause there are boundaries that must be respected.

 

[tuwie]

will it slowly die off if you just dont talk to him for a while? i know you probably don't want to do that just yet, becuase you're still friends and you don't hate him or anthing to just suddenly give him the silent treatment and avoid him, but what would happen if you guys just didn't talk so often?

 

[blindinglights7]

Well things are dying down... at least from my perspective... i don't know about his though

So I've been setting my status to "away" on msn messenger and not talking to him... so the 'cutting all ties' thing seems to be working

And I have been talking to friends about it, so they're starting to be involved... the only thing is i feel kinda bad cuz i know what it's like being stuck in the middle. And I hope there's not some sort of miscommunication somewhere along the lines... I've had that happen too and it's not fun.

Well anyway, I've decided one thing: If he can't repect my wishes then I can't respect him. Period.

 

[blindinglights7]

... or maybe it's not working.

At band last night he was like, "We never talk anymore. It almost seems like you're ignoring me!" uuuhhhh... I am So I had to quickly make up some crap about how I download songs and leave the computer, and THAT'S why I don't talk to him on msn. Should I have told him, yes I'm ignoring him??? That just seems kinda wrong to me, but what do I know.

 

[martha]

At band last night he was like, "We never talk anymore. It almost seems like you're ignoring me!"

You might try this response: "Jasper, I'm not ignoring you, but I've told you clearly that I'm not interested in the kind of relationship you want. Your persistence makes me uncomfortable, and I don't know how else to make my feelings clear on this. I'm not going to date you, yet that seems to be the only relationship you want with me. Until you understand that and respect my feelings on this, I can't risk your misinterpretation of what I say and do, so I'm avoiding talking to you."

 

[BrownEyedBoy]

...and of course completely shatter the guy's self-esteem.

Might want to try saying the above with a little tact and consideration.

 

[martha]

...and of course completely shatter the guy's self-esteem.

At this point his self-esteem doesn't matter as much as gettig him to back off. She's told him politely in the past and he's ignored her. Did you read the whole thread at all? His self-esteem means more than her safety and peace of mind?!

 

[BrownEyedBoy]

Did you, on the other hand, read the read the rest of my post?

 

[martha]

Yeah. I read it.

My suggestion was quite tactful considering the situation.

 

[For Honor]

You might try this response: "Jasper, I'm not ignoring you, but I've told you clearly that I'm not interested in the kind of relationship you want. Your persistence makes me uncomfortable, and I don't know how else to make my feelings clear on this. I'm not going to date you, yet that seems to be the only relationship you want with me. Until you understand that and respect my feelings on this, I can't risk your misinterpretation of what I say and do, so I'm avoiding talking to you."

 

[blindinglights7]

oooh I like that martha! That is EXACTLY how I feel

Personally, I don't think it's un-tactful. Yes, it might hurt his feelings, but really there is no way to tell him AND get him to understand without hurting his feelings. It never feels great when someone tells you they don't like you that way back. If he approaches me again I will definitely use what Martha said.

To everybody who has posted: THANK YOU!!! I really felt kind of helpless and didn't know what to do. y'all have been so nice and so helpful!

 

[greeneyedgirl]

maybe if he thought you were interested in another guy, he would back off. maybe he feels safe to 'bug' ya because he doesn't see any other compitition?