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pax

pax

ONE love, blood, life
Joined
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...when

--a guy who is considerably older than a girl is flirting with said girl quite a bit...

--the girl and the guy get to talking one night...

--the girl and the guy dish on their actual ages...

--and spend the rest of the night talking about, ahem, not-exactly-G-rated aspects of life in not-quite-general ways?

(oh, and the guy works at the college the girl attends.)

This, of course, is a purely hypothetical question. I mean, one of my friends, you know, kind of knows someone who...oh, never mind.
 
paxetaurora said:
...when

--a guy who is considerably older than a girl is flirting with said girl quite a bit...

--the girl and the guy get to talking one night...

--the girl and the guy dish on their actual ages...

--and spend the rest of the night talking about, ahem, not-exactly-G-rated aspects of life in not-quite-general ways?
Click to expand...

I don't think that's a problem.

(oh, and the guy works at the college the girl attends.)
Click to expand...

Well...I guess it depends...

Is the guy a professor or like a janitor or lunch dude?
 
Allow me to be the first...

to say *scandalized* :eek:


I dunno... its a big question of ethics, not so much in the sense of the goings on between to individuals in their personal lives, but more in the sense of will it result in a bias at said college between said individuals. The choice is ultimately up to said 'friend' and whether or not she wants to threaten the integrity of said individual or to just leave it as one night of conversation between two adults.
 
Others may disagree, but if this guy is considerably older than this "friend" of yours, I'd watch out for her. If it's only five years or so, fine, but if it's an age difference like that of father and daughter, keep your eyes (I mean her eyes) open. And your legs crossed. Sorry to be crude, but I don't trust older men who come on to girls who could be their daughters. Too many ulterior motives. Be careful, especially if this guy is in a position of authority, like an instructor or something. They like to have influence and power over young women.


Geez, I sound like your mother here, but without more specifics, this doesn't sound right to me.

Of course, age-wise, I could be your mother. A very young mother, though. ;)
 
Well, let's see...my friend is 19 and the guy she knows is 34.

And he's in charge of res life, not a professor. (She doesn't live in a dorm.)
 
Interesting.

I feel the need to 'speak'.

I'm 19, my mate is 31.

Oh, and he's married. Not with me.

In the last day of August, hopefully we're gonna celebrate our second year of being together.

We are still together because one very important reason: We were clear from the beginning of what we wanted and what would it be having a relationship. We both are happy until this day.

Paxet, I've got some questions:

Is your friend in love with this guy?

Is he commited to someone else?

What does she want from him? A romantic relationship? Just sex?

please respond.
 
Wait, so you've been with this guy for 2 years, and he's still with his wife?

I assume she doesn't know about you, then?

And if so, you're alright with the fact that he won't separate from his wife but won't tell her about you either?

If she does know about you (or even if she doesn't), you're alright with him sharing his affections between the two of you?

I dunno...I just don't think I could call somebody my "mate" if she was married to someone else and didn't seem to want to change that.

(sorry if this is way off target, I'm just going on what you've said so far)

:huh:
 
Pax, Ana brings up another good point. If this guy is married, run for the hills.

34 and a res supervisor doesn't sound as bad as a prof, but I still have a problem with men and women that much younger than themselves, especially when the woman is still in her teens.

If you (or your friend) should decide to pursue this, keep your eyes open. At this point, I do think age matters.
 
Well, he's not married. I would think that if he were married, he'd ditch the campus housing in a hurry. ;)

Still, I (oops, *she*) am (oops, *is*) not sure what to do.

She's not in love (she doesn't think), but she's definitely fond of him. He likes her poetry. That's how they got to talking in the first place. :shrug:

He's not committed to anyone else (we don't think so at least, not that we can tell). :yes:

She wants...well, she's a freewheeling young single gal who doesn't know what she wants but figures he's probably not wanting a romantic relationship with a 19-year-old*.

(*Ana seems to be a special case in which the guy *does* actually want a relationship, so we don't want to stereotype.)

But, um, she definitely wouldn't mind the sex.

So she says.
 
i know what you're going through though

falling for, or sort of falling for, or having feelings for, or maybe having feelings for a man much older than you is really hard to deal with. it takes a lot of consideration on your part about what his real motives are.

once you are fairly confident that you've got his motives straightened out, you have to ask yourself why is he chasing after such young women and the like.

whenever romantic feelings are involved, it's really hard to figure out.

good rule of thumb:


if you feel like you can't tell your family/friends about him or say, an internet board filled with anonymous people, about it truthfully, maybe you should reconsider it.
 
Here are my words of wisdom:

Before anything happens, get TO KNOW HIM.

IMO, You are insecure about what will it be if you get involved with him. It's essential to know the person you're attracted to. When you know how that person is, you feel more confident to take important decisitions. You said you don't know what you want, well I recomend you to find it out first. If you jump into a relationship without being aware of what you want from it and from the other person, definitely you'll be hurt.

Take your time to think and find out what you want :)
 
The Pill made me go crazy the first time I was on it, I know that. I started off on triphasics (when you take three different kinds of pills at different times of the month) and they made my hormones go *so* out of control I was constantly distracted, depressed, and eventually suicidal.

I've been on a monophasic regimen (same pill all the time) for over 2 years and it's much better. :)

And I'm on it *right now.* ;)

Hey, speaking of being on birth control, I'm at work right now and all dressed up...I'm done about nine...maybe see if someone wants to come dancing with me?
 
Ack!

So I was getting all ready to call him (from work, as am dead bored) and who should come off the elevator but one of the R.C.'s (resident counselors--i.e. professional *older* res life staff members), since my job currently is staffing the desk of a res hall where we have some people staying.

We know each other, and she was looking all flushed and happy--and what should be going on but my man (well, okay, not *my man*, but you know what I mean) and her are going to the movies. (But not out to dinner.) I put on my best "go-get-'im-tiger" front, told her to have a great time, etc.

Then I panicked.

Well, not exactly panicked. I paced around the lobby for 15 or 20 minutes. Finally, I was just like, whatever. I need to know what's going on (if anything). I called him and left a simple, short, polite message with my cell phone number attached.

And now I have to wait.
 
AND THEN I SAW THEM AGAIN TOGETHER LATER...AT MY FAVORITE COFFEEHOUSE...AND THEY CAME OVER AND TALKED TO ME AND EVERYTHING...AND I HAD TO ACT ALL NORMAL...

And then I came home and threw a fit. Even flip-flops leave black marks on walls, apparently.

Okay, well, that's all.
 
So he called me last night, later on, but said he wasn't feeling well and asked me to call him tonight. And he asked me to call "later."

I called him tonight around 10:15 or so, but he wasn't home. It's midnight now and he hasn't called back (I left a message).

Have I been screwed again? YOU make the call. Paxie thinks yes.
 
*hugs*

perhaps it's time to let this one go..........as hard as it is (and believe me, i know....)

:(
 
martha said:
That might be illegal. Did you get sick a lot?
Click to expand...
yeah, it was cuz i got sick a lot. it wasn't some christian group or something like "you're living in sin since you use birth control! you're fired!" :laugh:

actually, i had been on the pill since i was 15 (for all the non-birth control related benefits) and switched to depo-provera this year. since then, i've been getting horrible migraines every day. now that we think we've finally figured out the cause, i'm going back on the pill. it's almost out of my system and surprisingly, my migraines are occurring less and less often! :D
 
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