"We're trying......."

[Utoo]

So, my wife and I have had a lot of "baby chats" recently. We got married 7 months ago after dating for 6 years. I'm 25, she's 26; we love kids and can't wait for our own, and she's been thinking about it a lot lately. We've decided that it's not quite the right time for us----I start my residency in pediatrics this summer, and first year's supposed to be really hard; she hasn't decided if she'll want time off from work, if she'd go back to work, what she wants to do with the rest of her life, etc. So, we decided that we'll probably wait a year or so.

All this talk got me thinking-----How freaking weird is it when you hear someone say "we're trying"???? It's like you're in a normal conversation with someone, and they say, "We're trying. Yup, these two people right in front of you are having sex day and night. We're bangin' 'round the clock, hoping that I can impregnate her. Wish us luck!"

Thoughts?

 

[Mr. BAW]

good luck.

 

[JCOSTER]

Good Luck to the both of you!!!!!!

 

[greeneyedgirl]

Good Luck and have a wonderful time trying.

 

[Devlin]

Suggestion: Stop worrying about the goal and enjoy the road, man.

 

[indra]

If people are saying it with a big smile on their faces, I figure they're having a great time in the process.

If they have this strange, kind of brittle look about them as they say it, I figure there's been a lot of heartache and they are feeling a bit too much pressure.


(I hope your's will be the former... )

 

[BluRmGrl]

Weird I can deal with. Rude I cannot. Comments like, "So, when are you going to start having little ones?" or "You don't really need a 3 bedroom house unless you're going to fill it with children, do you?" I know they're meant as innocent questions, but they really strike a nerve with me.

Of course, as someone who is unable have kids & suffered through a miscarriage several years ago, I may be a bit more defensive about the whole thing than your average woman on the street.

Luckily, Mr. Blu & I have family who stay out of our reproductive decisions. Plus, we've been married almost 14 years - only the thickest of skulls would start questioning us now as to whether we're going to have kids or not. The obvious answer is pretty much No. The reasons for that, though, are nobody's business unless I care to divulge them.

 

[nbcrusader]

It is a touchy subject. Even if they say "we're trying" with a big smile, they may be frustrated with a lack of success.

I've known a number of couple who have had fertility problems and it can take quite a toll on the relationship.

 

[Numb1075]

It is a touchy subject. Even if they say "we're trying" with a big smile, they may be frustrated with a lack of success.

I've known a number of couple who have had fertility problems and it can take quite a toll on the relationship.

aint that the truth.......


Good luck and get some sleep now because once baby comes, you won't get more than a block of 4 hours straight for a long time.

 

[Utoo]

Good luck and get some sleep now because once baby comes, you won't get more than a block of 4 hours straight for a long time.

hehe...That's why we're waiting a year. I'll be on call every 4th night starting this summer when I start my residency. It would make having a baby at the same time tough....but it'll be good practice.

 

[She Is Raging]

It's so bizarre. Especially when it's something that you've been trying so carefully to prevent up until now. I've been married a little over a year now and we've been having the same discussions. People are freaking relentless with questions. "We're not quite ready yet" apparently isnt the right answer they want to hear. I get the slightest touch of cold or stomach bug, and everyone assumes I'm pregnant. I know they all mean well - but it gets a bit much sometimes.

 

[Liesje]

It is a touchy subject. Even if they say "we're trying" with a big smile, they may be frustrated with a lack of success.

I've known a number of couple who have had fertility problems and it can take quite a toll on the relationship.

I never knew how loaded that statement could be until I learned my neighbor, who now has 4 kids, had gone through 4 miscarriages.

Being engaged and living in a community where "family life" is the goal every woman is supposed to aspire to, I'm already telling people I'm not having kids until after U2 tours again.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Lies!


Good luck, Utoo.

 

[Liesje]

Lies!

I have my priorities, other people have theirs.....j/k.....maybe

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I have my priorities, other people have theirs.....j/k.....maybe

If I were planning on having kids, I'd probably have the same game plan.

 

[BluRmGrl]

Lies - I like that... "The U2 Method for Birth Control" : you only conceive & deliver when the band ISN'T touring.

 

[yolland]

Utoo, you guys are exactly the same age(s) we were when we got married. And we did wait a couple years before starting. At 25 and 26, you've got plenty of time yet. I'm a big (though obviously biased) advocate of starting young *IF* you're ready, though--from what I've seen, it's usually smoother and easier to gear back up for a productive "empty nest" phase when you're in your early 50s than when you're in your mid-60s. You'll have more energy for sports and outdoor excursions when the kids are growing up, too. And more breathing room for additional children, should you want them.

On the other hand, some of the most diligent, committed parents I've known are people who waited until very late to start their parenting "careers." So--you go with what works, and you make the most of what you have. It's life's greatest adventure either way, for those who look forward to it.

Unfortunately, what nb says is very true--it can be heartbreakingly tough (or impossible) for some couples to conceive and then have a healthy pregnancy, and that can indeed take a heavy toll on the relationship. Imagine the stress of repeatedly having ovulation tests, sex on a schedule not at all of your choosing, trips to the doctor for yet another sperm count or pelvic exam, crushing memories of having conceived then miscarried in the past, etc., etc., intruding over and over and over into what ought to be one of the most private, intimate, and unregulated parts of your lives. Anyone who never had to go through this ought to feel very, very grateful for their good fortune.

Good luck with your residency. How fortunate your kids will be to have a pediatrician for a dad!

 

[ljclary]

This thread is kinda ironic to me. My husband and I are trying. We have been married one full year and he is ten years older than me so it is about time. I am really nochelant about it. I want to have kids but when the time comes then it is the time. I am really into everything happening for a reason. The trying part is sure fun though...(shyly giggles...)


I will say the most annoying question I got after marriage was "So how's married life treating you?" We had been Dating for 4 years and living together for 2. My respnse? "Same as unmarried life."

 

[OceanGirl]

Yeah, I agree, I think it is pretty funny when people feel the need to tell everyone they are trying for a baby! I would prefer to do without the visual! lol

 

[Utoo]

Thank you, everyone, for all the well-wishes! And thank you, yolland, for the wise words! If anyone's interested, in a year I'll let you all know how the trying goes... In the meantime, we'll be "trying," but not really... hehe

 

[anitram]

On the other hand, some of the most diligent, committed parents I've known are people who waited until very late to start their parenting "careers." So--you go with what works, and you make the most of what you have.

My Mom was pretty young when she had us (24 when I was born), and her sister got her PhD first and had her kids at 32 and 36. And my Mom always said that as a young parent you have way more energy to run around with the kids and you enjoy the kiddie activities more. But as an older parent, you have way more patience, the sort that comes with life experience.

So I think either way, you'll be happy when you have the first mini Utoo.

 

[Carek1230]

Weird I can deal with. Rude I cannot. Comments like, "So, when are you going to start having little ones?" or "You don't really need a 3 bedroom house unless you're going to fill it with children, do you?" I know they're meant as innocent questions, but they really strike a nerve with me.

Of course, as someone who is unable have kids & suffered through a miscarriage several years ago, I may be a bit more defensive about the whole thing than your average woman on the street.

Luckily, Mr. Blu & I have family who stay out of our reproductive decisions. Plus, we've been married almost 14 years - only the thickest of skulls would start questioning us now as to whether we're going to have kids or not. The obvious answer is pretty much No. The reasons for that, though, are nobody's business unless I care to divulge them.

I understand and completely relate.

 

[Utoo]

when you have the first mini Utoo.

anitram, you just made me crack up! Yeah, I guess I'm a little biased toward younger parents 'cause my folks had me at 25, then my brother at 27. I always enjoyed the fact that my dad played sports with me, etc., up into high school..whereas I had friend whose dad was nearly 70 by the time my friend got to college. Hopefully, the wisdom & the patience will be there....I think it'll come with the experience. Monica (my wife) and I are the type of people who dance with little kids at weddings more than with adults; we can sit in a grocery store for hours and chuckle at all the little dudes & little chicas that toddle by. So, I think we'll be able to make it the year, living vicariously through other 4-year-olds.

 

[Angela Harlem]

Youse can have my kids if you want.

 

[indra]

Youse can have my kids if you want.

uhoh...someone had a bad day....

I'm sure my mum wanted to give me away a few times too...

 

[Angela Harlem]

I haven't slept since December!
I have had a (coincidental) headache for the last 2 months and every time the older one screams, it feels like a knife. Or maybe a rotary saw.

 

[fah]

I haven't slept since December!
I have had a (coincidental) headache for the last 2 months and every time the older one screams, it feels like a knife. Or maybe a rotary saw.

~been there~

Sends Ms Harlem some Tylenol, beer and earplugs