Was it my fault? - U2 Feedback

Go Back   U2 Feedback > United Colours > Zoo Confessionals
Click Here to Login
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 05-04-2013, 12:22 PM   #1
The Fly
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 60
Local Time: 05:55 AM
Was it my fault?

I moved in with a man that owned his own business in handyman and housecleaning. Strictly professional relationship.
I had recently lost my job and was forced out of my apartment for non payment of rent and I was practically out in the street when I took the opportunity to work as his housekeeper in exchange for a room in his two bedroom apartment. The first night we had a few beers and I woke up pantless and pantiless. I was in shock and denial and I thought there was no way he could do this.. so I figured I had just gone into the room and laid down and maybe during my sleep my pants had come off. I never mentioned it again. Even though deep in my gut I felt something was off.
Fast forward a month, again a few beers too many, and I wake up again naked from the waist down. This time I'm angry because I KNOW for a fact that I did NOT do it. He started making comments and arguing back that I was the drunk one that did it, that I kissed him, I lifted my shirt up and showed him my breasts and even put them in his face. He said I let him do "raspberry kisses" on my belly. (I never let anyone touch my belly- it's a self-image thing- I hide it because it's fat and I'm ashamed of it so everyone knows that I never show my belly, flaunt my belly, or let anyone TOUCH my belly, let alone raspberry fucking kisses? WTF is that?! This comment sent me over the edge- I told him to never fucking come near me again, I won't call the police, I will simply KILL HIM. I couldn't control my anger, but it was at that point I knew that I was being touched against my will- but there was no proof. No evidence. He made up a story about me wanting him. I'm a pretty 30 year old girl, okay. I have all my teeth and in perfect condition. He's 55, a rotted-toothless ugly, drunk, and a druggie (trust me, I didn't know this in the beginning, these things escalated).

I know what you're thinking now... why the hell didn't I call the cops, why did I stay.
Well he threatened me, he humiliated me, and he taunted me with the lies that he fed me, and everyone around us, saying that I was in a blackout drunk state and that I enticed him, that I wanted it, that I wanted him.
I also was underpaid and only made $50 a week, I could not afford to leave even if I wanted to.
Finally a couple days ago I confronted him again, I told him I never wanted to be touched. He said that I must be a different person when I am drunk because I flash him my tits, my vaginal area, that I taunt him and I invite him to touch me, and that I even laid down on the floor, took my skirt off and manually stimulated myself and even had an orgasm! I don't know but I have NEVER done that and I have NEVER had an orgasm while being under the influence. I have tried with my boyfriends but to no avail. It is physically impossible for me to do that. SO I knew he was lying.
He would also bring up sex each time he could and bring up just some sick stuff, also showing me his naked body, pulling his pants down. The other day a friend was showing him a porn pic on his phone and he tried pushing his mobile phone over to me and said, "Show her". The guy got so mad that he pushed the pervert off and even yelled, "No she does NOT want to see it, stop man."

I have moved out after nearly killing him with my bare hands and I have filed charges.
But there is no evidence, no proof, no witnesses.. I just don't know what to do.
Has anyone dealt with anything like this at all?

And please no name calling, I've been through enough name calling. I know I am not perfect. But I said NO, and I meant NO.
__________________

feedthetree is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-04-2013, 02:53 PM   #2
Blue Crack Distributor
 
corianderstem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Seattle
Posts: 64,496
Local Time: 03:55 AM
You did the right thing by getting out of an unsafe situation, and no, this is not your fault.
__________________

corianderstem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-04-2013, 04:58 PM   #3
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
Pearl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: NYC
Posts: 5,741
Local Time: 06:55 AM
You said it yourself: But I said NO, and I meant NO.

You did nothing wrong. That man was a slimy pervert who had no right to take advantage of you while under the influence. He was beyond wrong, and you deserve to press charges.

Seriously, he really thought he can leave you half-dressed without you doing something? He was out of touch of reality.

Pearl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-06-2013, 08:14 PM   #4
The Fly
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 60
Local Time: 05:55 AM
What would the charges be? I had a rape kit done and there was no penetration (thank GOD) but here is what he did:

He waited till I passed out, unclothed me, fondled me, and kissed me... all without my knowledge and permission. Can people even be charged or get in trouble for this action? It's just touching.
feedthetree is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-06-2013, 08:16 PM   #5
The Fly
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 60
Local Time: 05:55 AM
Thank you for your support btw

I'm very blessed because I have very few friends that are here and my bosses at work are my only support, all four of them, know what's going on and has stood behind me 100%. Because where I live, I'm far from family, so they have been there.

Thanks! It's appreciated.
feedthetree is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-06-2013, 08:30 PM   #6
The Fly
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 282
Local Time: 03:55 AM
I don't remember the exact charge but he could get up to 5 years in prison. (maybe more I know someone this happens to and this is how time much they got in prison). Also thank God there was no penetration. Also it wasn't your fault and you have nothing to feel bad about besides the fact he has violated you. You knew nothing of his pervertedness. No one ever expects it to happen to them. If you'd like to talk more my PM box is always open.
dettersree is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-13-2013, 02:46 PM   #7
Rock n' Roll Doggie
Band-aid
 
jeevey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Rue St. Divine
Posts: 4,096
Local Time: 05:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by feedthetree View Post
What would the charges be? I had a rape kit done and there was no penetration (thank GOD) but here is what he did:

He waited till I passed out, unclothed me, fondled me, and kissed me... all without my knowledge and permission. Can people even be charged or get in trouble for this action? It's just touching.
What you are describing is sexual assault. Any unwanted sexual contact is. This is the legal definition from the US department of justice:

"Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape."


What happened to you is not at all different from the Stubenville case. I think that this will be publicly prosecuted, ie the DA will decide which charges to press. You shouldn't need to hire an attorney, because sexual assault is a crime against all of society, not just you. Your job is just to tell your story. And PLEASE continue to press charges so that this fellow gets something on his record and others will be more likely to know and not get victimized. Don't drop the charges!

Did your rape kit test you for traces of drugs? If you went from a few drinks to waking up not remembering how you got undressed, it sounds like he may have put something in your drink, which is a crime itself.

This is not your fault. No one should ever have sex with a person who is incapacitated. Even if you did beg for it (which you didn't) the fact that you never would have if you weren't under the influence was his clue that you were not able to consent. He is a rapist, and it is not your fault.

You may like to contact a sexual assault hotline and see if you can get some counseling and support. Here's a couple of links with more info

http://silentnomore.org/
http://www.aftersilence.org/ (forum)

Many hugs.
jeevey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-20-2013, 06:50 PM   #8
The Fly
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 60
Local Time: 05:55 AM
Oh I'm continuing to press charges, I will NOT back down. I got another detective assigned to the case, and she seems to be really nice.
They did test for drugs but since I did not report it quickly (I waited four days) they probably found no traces of drugs in my system.

Thank you for all your help!
feedthetree is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-06-2014, 06:17 PM   #9
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
gareth brown's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 6,592
Local Time: 09:55 PM
good luck, I really hope this asshole gets what's coming to him.
__________________

gareth brown is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:55 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Design, images and all things inclusive copyright © Interference.com