Thinking of killing myself

[joerags]

For the past few days, I have had no desire to live. Throughout my entire life, I have always felt that I am ugly physically. I have never had a girlfriend, never had sex and never been kissed by a girl. The reason is: I am ugly. I know people say that looks aren't everything. It's the personality and what's inside a person that matters. But for me, I cannot believe that. We live a world where looks are the most important thing in life.
I have tried to say to myself, "Don't look at yourself in the mirror. Just be who you are and people will like you for who you are." There are times where I have been in high spirits, but then I regress and feel like an utter loser who is the ugliest person in the world. I can't take this misery anymore. Every night when I go to bed, I always say to myself, "I hope I don't wake up." Dying in your sleep is the best way to die. Sometimes, I wish I came down with cancer. This way, I won't have to kill myself. I know I'll be dead if I had cancer.
Why I am writing this? Maybe it's because I just want the world to know how I feel and this will be my suicide note. I want to turn to God and Jesus. Sometimes it works. I think about God and knowing that He wants everybody to feel that life is a precious gift and that everybody is worthy, no matter how you look and what... Sometimes I feel convinced of that, but then I go back to thinking that it doesn't matter; I am ugly and nobody likes me.
Why do we live in a world that values looks? Why? I really can't take this anymore.
I am trying to think about what brings me joy. And I have come to the conclusion that the only thing that really brings me joy is U2 music. Since I was 12 years, I have followed them religiously every single day. It has been 19 years and counting. If there is anything that will keep me going and living, it's the new album. Maybe I should just focus on the anticipation for the new album and not think about this terrible problem that I have. I hope it works. God, give me strength.

 

[TheBrazilianFly]

PLEASE DON'T!!!! Go to a whorehouse, get out with an ugly girl, start acting differently (like step into a role and see where it leaves you with the ladies), think about your parents pain, think about your friends BUT DO NOT KILL YOURSELF!!!!! I wasn’t going to say anything because this is quite heavy but I would feel too much remorse if I didn't say something positive!!! Believe it or not but LOOKS ACTUALLY AREN'T ALL THAT IS IMPORTANT, yes it maters but that doesn't mean you will never get laid. There must be other things in life that you must look forward!!! Please think about those things!!! And please, please, please try to see a doctor about this, a psychiatrist or something. I went psychiatrist for quite some time and it really helped me, I AM NOT where I want to be and I’m not all that I want to be but I got faith!!!! Please have some more faith!!!!! Better times might still come for you!!!!!! AT LEAST talk to a close friend about this but really think about seeking professional help, it might give you the tools you need to feel better! Think about the people who are in worse conditions than you, like living in a country with war or seomething!!!! THINGS STILL CAN GET BETTER FOR YOU!!!

 

[Bonochick]

DO NOT DO IT.

It is a permanent solution for temporary problems.

Read this:

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide

If you ever want to talk, please email me:

Bonochick@interference.com

That is not an empty offer.

Take care of yourself...I mean it.

 

[celia]

There have been times when I've thought about it too...I've felt crap, still do sometimes, but then there are moments when you really are happy to be alive...like this new U2 album, if you can see that as a reason to live then there are certainly loads of other reasons - you just need to look around for them.

Find things that you enjoy, and give yourself things to look forward to.

I mean I get quite sick of working at the moment and feel quite down about where Im living, so Ive been buying concert tickets quite a bit and its given me a hell of a lot to look forward to.

Just take each day as it comes. I know it's hard and life is crap at times and totally unfair, but ending it will just cause so much more pain than you are feeling right now to the people that love you.

If you want to talk to me, add me to msn or drop me a mail:

celiau2@hotmail.com

take much care

 

[-macphisto-]

DONT KILL YOURSELF, KILL THE NEGATIVE MIND, DONT LET IT THINK- ENDURE TO THE END. Whenever your down, look for other people to help, charity, lift other peoples spirits, ask people if you can help them in any way! God never said it would be easy, but it will be well worth it! ANIMO!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Tomer]

natural death would be good for me




seriously

 

[Danospano]

Joerags,

Like the person above me, I can obviously relate to your dilemma. Just look at my former posts in this forum and you'll know what I mean. I want you to know one thing: you can't change reality, but you likewise can never let the bastards grind you down. Remember those words? Well, they're true and they've always inspired me to keep truckin'.

Aside from looking toward the lyrical mastery of Bono, you're going to have to live with your current lifestyle, or change it. You can complain about how unfair life is, but that's not going to change the rules. You might get pity, but you know, and I know, that it just makes others aware of your disgust. I don't think anyone should wear a facade of happiness, when they're truly upset, but your bad thoughts lead to a morose outward appearance. I know this, dude. When I'm happy, I attract more people; women to be more specific, but when I'm depressed or wearing a frowning face I get about as much play as the Elephant Man at a supermodel convention. (That was a joke..hahahaha...uhhhh...got any gum?)

If you need to speak with me: nealdy@hotmail.com

If you need to talk with another "ugly" guy ...and want to wallow in our misery together...then send me an email.

If you want to kill yourself, you'll be cheating yourself out a life of experiences and eventual accomplishments that will include "Kissing", "Fucking", "Minature Golf"...etc etc. Death may seem like a good idea, but I know your life can't be as bad as never having lived it. You da man, man.

Keep it real, but keep it really really cool.

 

[Mr. BAW]

Do we have a duty or obligation to report the poster for his own well-being????

 

[verte76]

Please don't do this! It's so extreme. I have had an unbelievably bad 2004, and have mainly hung in there because I know all of the bad times are transient. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. E-mail me if you want.

verte76@bham.rr.com

 

[Danospano]

Yes (if he doesn't reply to this thread, or this website)

Otherwise, no. It's his life, let him do with as he pleases. He knows living life is worth it, even if it is filled wtih heartache and tragedy. If he can't realize that everyone, including supermodels and athletes and so on, have insecurities and want to change the way they look, feel, and act, then he simply needs to realize the whole world has his feelings, but some people are just a little bit more conventionally 'good looking'.

Everytime I consider suicide, and I've done it alot in the past, I remember all the great, fun things I've done since the last time I contemplated sliting my wrists. I realize that if I had killed myself I wouldn't have met my old girlfriend (whom is now my no-good-for-nothing ex), whom I still admit brought me joy for a year and half...I wouldn't have seen the miraculous come from behind Red Sox victory (when everyone said it was impossible). I never would have lost myself in U2's music...the words of Bono...the filmmaking of Quentin Tarantino...the taste of a Caesar Salad with a serving of The Olive Garden's fettachini (sp?) alfredo...the millions of books that I want to read, but never have time to read...the joy of getting drunk...smoking weed...loving someone only to realize they don't love me (which is sad, but has made me stronger)...my dogs, who need my love and affection more than any other creation I've ever known...

the list goes on and on...and now I realize that had I killed myself I wouldn't have experienced any of them...and wouldn't THAT be a reason to feel depressed? To miss out on all that great stuff? Man...I shouldn't have mentioned the Olive Garden. I'm starving.

Anyway... JoeRags, if you're reading this...I want you to reflect on the cool things you've experienced in the last few years. They don't have to be crowning historical achievments...just fun little things that have made life worth living. I'm nothing special, but those things I mentioned have proved that MY LIFE has meaning and a purpose...and I know you share a few of those things. U2, a love of good food...and so on...but what else? That will make you feel better and give you a new outlook on life.

Like I said...keep it real, but keep it really really cool.

 

[nurse chrissi]

I know coming froma person that you don't know - Just saying DON"T isn't going to cut it
I deal with people who are SERIOUSLY depressed every day (as a imagine you are). So I will pose ths question - If you cut your arm or felt horrible chest pain would you seek medical help? Hopefully the answer is yes. Depression/metal illness is just that - it is an illness that should be seen in the same respects as a cut of a heart attack. Talk to your MD, find a psychologist, a pastor, a counseling hotline but talk to someone. Taking an antidepressant already? Switch - each is different and only by talking with your MD can you find the right one for you. Talk with your family, your friends let them know how you feel - I think that you will find that you are loved a lot more than you feel right now.

I deal with death - I deal with it every day- either fighting to keep someone alive or dealing with the loss when we are not successful. This has given me a sense that we are here for a reason - this human body is really pretty fragile - a higher power wants/needs you here.

Find out what makes you happy - if its the new u2 album so be it -add to that list - when I'm down I'll force myself to write down 5 things a day that I am grateful for - they can be as simple as I did not fall on my face today to as grand as I've helped someone live today. But it helps to shift your mindset to graditude.

In terms of girls - once you feel better you will get out more and then you'll meet people but find out who you are before you find meaning in another

if you ever want talk - and this is by no means an empty invite email me
chrissib@mac.com

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Do we have a duty or obligation to report the poster for his own well-being????

This is exactly what I was wondering.

 

[pax]

I won't say much because more articulate and knowledgable people than I have already posted, but just know that there are people here--and elsewhere, too, I am sure--who I agree that the world would be a poorer place without you. Don't give up.

 

[joerags]

Thanks to everyone's support.

You guys made me realize that I really need to get a grip and have a better outlook. There are people out there with much worse problems and I need to be grateful for what I have and appreciate life.
There is a really cool picture of Adam wearing a shirt that says, "Every little thing is going to be alright." And Adam has a really big smile. It's a great picture. I hope you guys have seen it. All I have to do is just think of that picture, and I totally feel good about myself and life.
I know that these suidicidal moods are going to come and go for me. But after reading what you guys wrote, I know that there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[Muggsy]

you're right: there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. don't give up. as I do now, you will feel glad of giving yourself a second chance ...

lore

 

[Bonochick]

I'm glad to hear you say that.

My offer still stands if you ever want to talk.

 

[TheBrazilianFly]

A big feeling of relief I'm having now.....

Good to know you have changed your mind. Please be more active on the forums.

 

[UnforgettableLemon]

Thanks to everyone's support.

You guys made me realize that I really need to get a grip and have a better outlook. There are people out there with much worse problems and I need to be grateful for what I have and appreciate life.
There is a really cool picture of Adam wearing a shirt that says, "Every little thing is going to be alright." And Adam has a really big smile. It's a great picture. I hope you guys have seen it. All I have to do is just think of that picture, and I totally feel good about myself and life.
I know that these suidicidal moods are going to come and go for me. But after reading what you guys wrote, I know that there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

That line is from a Bob Marley song, "Three Little Birds." It's a good song to listen to when things get really rough.

 

[uwwedoogie]

dont man

 

[melon]

Let me put it this way. If you're afraid you're ugly, then take a look at pictures of celebrities without their makeup. Some of them are REALLY ugly. Even then, you can't trust photography, because everyone in the industry (which includes myself) knows that a photo is half-fact, half-fiction, as every photo is closely airbrushed and altered digitally (hell, if I had makeup and three-point studio lighting with digitally altered photos, I'm sure I'd look like a model too...lol). A lot of "beauty" in the real world, though, involves a positive attitude and attention to hair/clothes. Hell...isn't that what that show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" is ultimately about?

Anyway, I know how life can be difficult at times (half of my life was mired in nearly unbearable depression, actually), but sometimes, you just need to try and keep things in perspective. Hope it all works out for you!

Melon

P.S. Blech...what a frightening photo of Jennifer Aniston here!

 

[OnFire]

I usually stay out of a thread like this because I know I've been blessed in life and never had those kind of thoughts or feelings.

All I can say is try to channel those shitty feelings into a creative outlet. You may not feel like you're attractive but you might be able to create something of beauty if you tried. Hang in there.

 

[Sherry Darling]

Good call, Mr BAW.

Please, please talk to a professional, Joe! You'll be in my prayers.

SD

 

[AcrobatMan]

If you are ugly you are more likely to get a beautiful girl.

It rare to find a beautiful girl with a handsome man or a ugly guy with a ugly girl.

About sex or GF or anything like that, even I dont have any ( though I consider myself average looking ) and I am probably older than you

I like staring at pretty girls

 

[macphisto777]

For the past few days, I have had no desire to live. Throughout my entire life, I have always felt that I am ugly physically. I have never had a girlfriend, never had sex and never been kissed by a girl. The reason is: I am ugly. I know people say that looks aren't everything. It's the personality and what's inside a person that matters. But for me, I cannot believe that. We live a world where looks are the most important thing in life.
I have tried to say to myself, "Don't look at yourself in the mirror. Just be who you are and people will like you for who you are." There are times where I have been in high spirits, but then I regress and feel like an utter loser who is the ugliest person in the world. I can't take this misery anymore. Every night when I go to bed, I always say to myself, "I hope I don't wake up." Dying in your sleep is the best way to die. Sometimes, I wish I came down with cancer. This way, I won't have to kill myself. I know I'll be dead if I had cancer.
Why I am writing this? Maybe it's because I just want the world to know how I feel and this will be my suicide note. I want to turn to God and Jesus. Sometimes it works. I think about God and
knowing that He wants everybody to feel that life is a precious gift and that everybody is worthy, no matter how you look and what... Sometimes I feel convinced of that, but then I go back to thinking that it doesn't matter; I am ugly and nobody likes me.
Why do we live in a world that values looks? Why? I really can't take this anymore.
I am trying to think about what brings me joy. And I have come to the conclusion that the only thing that really brings me joy is U2 music. Since I was 12 years, I have followed them religiously every single day. It has been 19 years and counting. If there is anything that will keep me going and living, it's the new album. Maybe I should just focus on the anticipation for the new album and not think about this terrible problem that I have. I hope it works. God, give me strength.

Have you ever seen Mick Jagger or Billy Corgan? I am the next big thing! I don't even have what they have, but I love it! So much beauty must come from ugly. Very much ugly seems to come from somebodies undeserved beauty! See beyond this. See what you create as the ultimate beauty!
The lyrics from MDH = Falling at your feet,... A face spoiled by beauty...? what do you think this means? Beauty is more of a curse than ugly... I believe this wholeheartedly. Am I a fool. I think not. Jesus says, " as you do unto the least of these, so you do unto me."... Stop thinking about you and give unto these and you will understand the fullness of life. If you are already, give more of yourself until you forget about you!

 

[starsgoblue]

Joerags, your feelings concerning suicide are just that, feelings . Feeling aren't objective truth. Feelings shouldn't define who you are as a person because feelings are so transient and fickle. If I let my feeling control all of my actions, well let's just say I'd probably be in a world of trouble, for example if I let my feelings control how I handled a driver who cut me off this morning...well you get my point...

I am not belittling your pain. I believe it is genuine. But the point I am trying to convey is that you are so much more than what you see yourself as. From your post I see that you are a man of faith. Perhaps this would a good time to deepen your relationship to God, for He offers rest and hope where there seems to be none.

I'd encourage you to talk to someone about this also. You can always talk to me or anyone else here that offered if you feel that there is nobody else to talk to in 'realtime'.


John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

 

[paulrg]

Recommended reading: Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho.

As a certain on-line book retailer puts it:
This poignant international bestseller by the author of The Alchemist takes readers on a quest to find meaning in a culture overshadowed by angst, soulless routine, and pervasive conformity. Based on events in Coelho's own life, Veronika Decides to Die questions the meaning of madness and celebrates individuals who do not fit into patterns society considers to be normal. Bold and illuminating, it is a dazzling portrait of a young woman at the crossroads of despair and liberation, and a poetic, exuberant appreciation of each day as a renewed opportunity.

 

[e edge]

i often say that U2 saved my life. 2 years ago i really wanted to kill myself, i was only thinking about best way to do it.

and then i heard "Walk On". i want to live now, no matter what happens. i've got goals i want to achieve and i truely believe i will achieve them one day. i'm walking on- thnx to U2.

 

[cell]

joerags, i could have wrote those very words myself. its unfortunate that looks play an important role in this world. but yes, its the heart, what's on the inside that really matters.

please dont give up...hang in there.

 

[AussieU2fanman]

in a typical movie cliche, the hot chick will eventually go for the ugly nice dude rather than the arrogant jock who's a stud.

 

[intedomine]

Suicide is pointless. I have sunk so low sometimes this year.


What gets me down is the idea that i'm not gonna ever feel like ive lived to my potential.That I'd die an underachiever and just another guy.

But then I think to myself, well, i still alive so there is still every chance to achieve. So I might as well try it. Motivation is hard though, but if i keep re assuring myself that i will achieve, and eventually i will actually act on my promise and hopefully succeed. I just dont know in what way i want or am going to succeed, but i will find it probably.

Never commit suicide, becuase as long as you are alive there is always a chance of succeeding, or in your case, getting that dream girl and that dream night of passion