There are so many times when I don't "get" people my age...

[U2democrat]

What's the obsession with partying and getting drunk as much as possible? I don't understand it at all...getting wasted, doing/saying things you regret or don't even remember, puking, blacking out, destroying your liver, brain, or even worse, driving and getting in an accident (or killing someone else). What's the big deal about it? For the record I have been drunk before, and honestly I act just as stupid sober so I don't feel the need to use/abuse substances to be an idiot.

Because I don't drink, this really hinders me socially. It's really hard to meet/get to know guys, and weekends I'm usually left driving around or watching a movie in the room because everyone is out partying. Not to mention I get drunk dialed a lot...and let me tell you...drunk people are REALLY annoying.

I love to have fun, I just don't feel that getting drunk is the only way to do it. It just sucks on weekends when I want to hang out with people but they're all going out to bars and wild parties, it makes me feel very lonely...and I'm usually stuck with my roomie and her b/f (and for those of you who have read my other thread you know what THAT means...) When I'm with them I usually have fun, but I always feel like I'm the odd one out.

I almost always have more fun hanging out with a group of adults than I do with people my age. The conversations are more interesting, as well as the stories, and I just get along with them better. While I can't always relate to them, they can relate to me and experiences I am currently going through. The problem is, it's not exactly easy to find myself in a group of adults while I'm at school.

While there wasn't much of a point to this thread, I just want to get things off my chest.

 

[Angela Harlem]

I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way, but you've mentioned this a few times in passing and I have to wonder why you seem to be under the impression that drinking is so important to people "your age"? Maybe it is where you live, or college lifestyle, but it's a foreign concept to me. 'When I was your age'...lol, people drank, but it was a part of things. Never the whole deal. There'd be a pub with socialising or pool. A party with seeing friends and catching up with people. Always drinking PLUS whatever else. Sometimes people got drunk. Sometimes people did stupid things. But more importantly, we drank as adults do. With no reason to worry or think there was a problem developing. With where you live it seems like a dangerous epidemic. You seem to seperate yourself entirely from people your own age by saying you dont fit in because you dont party hard and drink. It almost makes you appear as though you are elevating yourself above them, or belittling them by saying they dont do anything else.

 

[U2democrat]

Maybe it is just where I live, but it really is what most people do here on weekends. People definitely don't drink like adults, Mondays they're always like "OMG I'm so hungover" and they're posting pictures online and talk about how drunk they were when the photo was taken, etc. etc. I may sound like I'm belittling them, but at the same time when people find out that I don't drink they act like there's something seriously wrong with me. Plus I should mention that a few members VERY close to me in my family have battled/are battling alcoholism, so maybe I am just taking it to an extreme because of my experience with that.

 

[Party Boy]

Not sure how old you are U2Democrat, but sometimes people do things that seem cool at the time, fitting in with the crowd etc. Only with age etc can you make your own decisions. Maybe these people like getting drunk partying etc. Maybe they drunk dial you because they know you are sobar.

Either way, while you might not understand why these people are doing what they are doing, you shouldnt exclude yourself frorm them completely. Your going to spend enough time in your life being an adult, so maybe you should just enjoy yourself being young while you can.

 

[U2democrat]

I don't want to exclude myself, I want to hang out with them, but so many times people have developed their niche of friends that they like to go out with and I'm not usually included. I don't know what to do to be more social, but for some reason it's hard to make friends. I get along with a lot of people, but for some reason I have difficulty extending friendly relationships outside the classroom.

 

[Party Boy]

You know, you dont have to drink when you hang around with them. They might make fun of you initially but eventually they will accept you for who you are. Growing up, I had a few friends who didnt drink. Sure we teased them a little and probably put them through the same situation you are going through. However, eventually we just accepted it and in the end if we ever saw the person drinking (they converted!) we tried to talk them out of it.

Just go with the flow as much as you can - just be sure you dont exclude yourself from these people just because they drink.

 

[Angela Harlem]

Maybe it is just where I live, but it really is what most people do here on weekends. People definitely don't drink like adults, Mondays they're always like "OMG I'm so hungover" and they're posting pictures online and talk about how drunk they were when the photo was taken, etc. etc. I may sound like I'm belittling them, but at the same time when people find out that I don't drink they act like there's something seriously wrong with me. Plus I should mention that a few members VERY close to me in my family have battled/are battling alcoholism, so maybe I am just taking it to an extreme because of my experience with that.

If someone acts like there's something wrong with you for not drinking, you should tell them to go fu...Hmm, maybe not. I guess you can't, as you're hoping to go into politics. Attitude is not needed. But anyway. Whatever the reasons for not drinking are aren't the issue. You're living in isolation and it is being attributed to alcohol. Is it really alcohol? Is there so much drinking that no one your age does anything else? I'm not trying to make some unhelpful hyperbole exaggeration, but you take issue with the amount that is being drunk and say the alcohol is what alienates you from your peers. I dont get that. Alcohol can bring people together, but a lack of it can't isolate, I'd not have thought. Alcohol is not something that people typically say is something they have in common with someone. It's a sport or hobby or work or something. Not drinking. So while a lot of them do drink, and will drink to excess and irresponsibly, there's more to these peers of yours than alcohol just like there is more to you than a lack of alcohol. It seems there might be a big wall between you seeing their other traits and they seeing yours. There could be some fallacy in how you all see each other - or how you come across. You'd not want any group to think you're a boring stiff who doesn't know how to have fun, wont joke, wont take time out, who cannot mix with a variety of people and can't break barriers. They cant be mindless constant drinkers, either. They're at college. They must be more rounded than this, right?

 

[snowbunny00774]

If someone acts like there's something wrong with you for not drinking, you should tell them to go fu...Hmm, maybe not. I guess you can't, as you're hoping to go into politics. Attitude is not needed. But anyway. Whatever the reasons for not drinking are aren't the issue. You're living in isolation and it is being attributed to alcohol. Is it really alcohol? Is there so much drinking that no one your age does anything else? I'm not trying to make some unhelpful hyperbole exaggeration, but you take issue with the amount that is being drunk and say the alcohol is what alienates you from your peers. I dont get that. Alcohol can bring people together, but a lack of it can't isolate, I'd not have thought. Alcohol is not something that people typically say is something they have in common with someone. It's a sport or hobby or work or something. Not drinking. So while a lot of them do drink, and will drink to excess and irresponsibly, there's more to these peers of yours than alcohol just like there is more to you than a lack of alcohol. It seems there might be a big wall between you seeing their other traits and they seeing yours. There could be some fallacy in how you all see each other - or how you come across. You'd not want any group to think you're a boring stiff who doesn't know how to have fun, wont joke, wont take time out, who cannot mix with a variety of people and can't break barriers. They cant be mindless constant drinkers, either. They're at college. They must be more rounded than this, right?

I agree with this. Does your campus not have any clubs or social things going on? even if you are generally not sport minded there must be some non competitive things, or something. I used to even hang out at a frat house a lot when I was at uni, and while we drank a lot, we did so much other stuff (not sex )..and I am sure there were people who had the mind set like you that drinking was the main thing but it really wasn't. What city are you in?

 

[U2democrat]

Well let me restate that there's more to it than just the partying...I find myself being more interested in a group of adults than people my age. Not really sure why, but that's the way I've been my entire life. I just focused on drinking as one aspect in my original post because that's the main issue I find myself dealing with. I know there's more to most people than mindless drinking...which is part of why I don't understand why they do it

 

[nbcrusader]

Many kids who go to college are leaving home for the first time. The new found "freedoms" are often abused, sometimes just for the sake of abuse. It can take the form of sex, drugs, drinking, staying up late, etc.

You seem to have a well developed ability to self regulate behavior, so the fact you have certain "freedoms" does not mean you go right out and abuse them.

Unless you count that binge session of Dr. Pepper and the tube balancing thing.

 

[Ralphie]

U2 democrat...I'm assuming you're from the Virginia area (saw the Tim Kaine thing...I'm from NOVA, btw). I ask because if you're enrolled in an American University then yes, I can totally vouch for the fact that many of them are drinking obsessed. Seriously, I mean getting drunk until you puke is like the focal point of most social life. At least that's how it was at my college, and most people I knew in other colleges reported the same things. At my school it really was just about all anyone did...it was a typical 'college town' and even if there were other forms of entertainment, getting drunk (or otherwise intoxicated on...uh...other things...) was pretty much just what people did.

I'm just curious, Snowbunny...did you go to college in the US or elsewheres? From what I've heard from German friends, this fixation on extreme partying and drinking to get really drunk are more common in the US.

U2democrat, I can totally sympathize as I was often the only "slightly buzzed" girl in a group of totally trashed people, and no, it's no fun to listen to some drunk person tell you over and over in slurred English that you remind them of this one girl they knew in the fourth grade so freakin' much man!

If it makes you feel any better, this thing seems to taper off around age 21,22 and get steadily better from there. So if what I described is your current situation, it won't last forever. In the meantime, you could always do what I used to do, which was to go out to the bars for awhile to socialize and leave about the time everyone was getting sloppy drunk. Also, there usually are at least a few more serious students who don't get so into that kind of thing, if you can manage to meet them.

What's your major? Sometimes doing work in that area can help you to meet people with similar interests who might be more academically minded. If you're in psychology, for example, volunteer for one of the research projects and maybe you'll meet some cool volunteers/grad students.

 

[Ralphie]

I find myself being more interested in a group of adults than people my age. Not really sure why, but that's the way I've been my entire life.

Don't worry...soon enough you'll be a full-fledged 'adult' (much to your own shock, let me tell you!) and then that problems more or less solved. Also, once you enter the work force, you'll be mixing with people of all ages, many of them older.

 

[U2democrat]

Another Virginian on interference, we just keep multiplying!

I'm at CNU, in the tidewater area. My situation is pretty much what you described. When the weather warms up I'll probably be heading to Virginia Beach more often...the problem is this requries money and like most college students I don't really have much to spare.

 

[Got Philk?]

Hey U2Dem,
I hear what you're saying. I've been there with people I would consider friends. I too am not a party kind of guy. So when my friends would go out and get trashed, I'd say no thanks and just get slammed or called names etc. It sucked. Really, I hated to go with them though b/c of how stupid they actually looked. When drunk, they weren't the people I got along with.

Even now, I live with some friends still in college(aka cheap rent). I watch them drink and drink till they puke in the bathroom next to my room. And I think, how is that fun? It's confusing to me.

I don't know what else to say besides be who you want to be.

 

[Party Boy]

Just an observation which may or may not be accurate - I grew up in Ireland where alcohol was available from a young age (I could get a beer in local pub aged 14). So by the time late teens/early 20's came about, most of us had outgrown the whole lets get drunk for the sake of it thing and instead went out and had fun.

Maybe these people are, for the first time in their life, being given the freedom to make their own choices. They arent always going to be right, but thats a learning curve.

By sounds of it U2Democrat, you have learnt a lot faster than most of your peers. Its ok to be different and its ok not wanting to get drunk and do all that stuff. However, I think its unhealthy to surround yourself with people who are much older than you and not people around the same age as you - besides the drinking, you are going to share a lot of other life experiences with them.

When it comes to all the drunk escapades, just turn a blind eye and do whatever you normally do. I am guessing they are not drunk all the time, which means you have lots of time and chances to do the things you want to do?

 

[snowbunny00774]

Hi Ralphie...
I went to UWO in Canada, not that much different. Maybe I just can't imagine how desolate things sound where Dem is because my campus was huge. I drank a lot, but as someone else said it was during the course of other things. Camping, snow activities, sports, watching sports...and there were people who hung out with us for a bit, and then left early if they weren't drinking. That was fine. I just can't fathom that there are no other people who don't drink where Dem is....is it a very small uni? you have to be yourself like philk said....but if this will make a neg experience for you can you transfer to a bigger place?

 

[Ralphie]

I drank a lot, but as someone else said it was during the course of other things. Camping, snow activities, sports, watching sports...

Hi Snowbunny! You're college sounds like it was a blast! I went to a big state university but seriously, we really didn't do much of the above. We did watch football games, but these were the biggest drunk-fests of all. I actually had someone lean over and throw up on me a couple of times right in the bleachers. Even activities that happened during the day, like cookouts or music festivals seemed to involve people getting really trashed as well. It seems like maybe the state universities are the worst (some of them, at least). I think that some of the smaller private colleges are much better in terms of this.

 

[U2democrat]

It's a small school, and I don't want to transfer as I love it here. The people are great, they really are...please don't get the idea that I don't like people because they drink, I just don't want to be around them when they do. The problem is, when I have time to hang out with them is on weekends, which is when they drink.

 

[Ralphie]

U2democrat...Virginia just keeps growing and growing, doesn't it? And I swear that 95% of the state's population is on I-495 with me every evening at rush hour... that's a whole other post, though.

I keep looking at the picture under your post and thinking "Got a problem? Call Tim and Mark". In that pic, they look like they'd get right on it!

 

[anitram]

This is the problem with small schools in the middle of nowhere where there is nothing to do but drink and go to bars. While there is drinking and partying in an urban setting, IMO, people went out and did different things because the schools were bigger and more diverse, etc.

Another thing is the drinking age at 21 - so that when you go to college at 18 it's this hugely exciting thing for you to get wasted. In Europe, most kids got drunk way before that and it was no longer this fun thing by the time they were in their 20s. But here, even in med schools and law schools most people are drinking their way into oblivion from Thurs-Saturday, well into their 20s.

The thing is, I don't think that every time people go out to a pub they are trashed. I mean, isn't it possible to go out with a group of people, and hang out at the bar and not have a drink, or have one drink and leave? It's not as if you have to go to a kegger, but a dinner or a small house party or something doesn't have to be this huge drunkfest, with the right people.

 

[U2democrat]

I thought it was a great picture myself...I love those guys. I interned for Tim on his campaign and got to know him pretty well...I'm hoping I can get a real job for him one day. Home is Richmond so I see him fairly often, I've got some great stories if you're ever interested.

As for 495-that interstate is insane. Don't get me started on transportation!


ETA-The drinking age at 21 is a huge problem IMO...it should be lowered, but that's a whole other thread...mainly for FYM

 

[anitram]

Honestly, I think the college experience is different at a large school in a more urban setting. I'm not saying you should transfer or anything, but these really small schools in little towns self-select a type of student who is looking for that kind of college experience.

In a large city, the population of the school is generally more diverse ethnically and racially. For example, I knew plenty of people who were Muslim, and some Hindus who completely abstained from drinking, and still had a fun time. Also, more people are working part time, doing other things in the city, getting away for weekends and so on. The cost of partying is also more prohibitive and so on. In small towns, you have your student holes, ie. bars and clubs and that's pretty much your sole entertainment. And campus keggers.

 

[melon]

I tend to think "the college experience" is kind of overrated. But I tend to feel alienated no matter where I am.

Melon

 

[U2democrat]

It's hard to describe this area...the immediate area is a small town...but really its a lot of sprawl, growth, small towns are growing rapidly and merging with other small towns and cities to become one big conglomeration of people. It's also a peninsula, so there's a lot of water and not much room for cities and towns to sprawl yet remain seperate localities.

 

[Liesje]

I went to the same school as my fiance, Got Philk, but had an entirely different experience with drinking, mainly because he was an RA and is friends with everyone. I was lucky in that I decided as a senior in highschool to go to school and share a room with my best friend from high school. Neither of us party, so there wasn't any pressure. We got REALLY lucky as freshmen because our assigned suitemates were awesome girls and we became great friends with both of them, and still are great friends with one (the other died of cancer). So right away I had a group of close friends with no interest in partying or drinking just for the sake of drinking.

I think it really depends on who you surround yourself with. I'm a pretty black-and-white person. I don't mind drinking, but it's the things people do when they drink - things they promise they'd never do - that pisses me off and I just can't be good friends with people who have zero self-respect and will morph into a totally different person for the sake of a few beers. Everyone in my house drinks socially. We never get trashed, but we enjoy some drinks every once in a while. The difference is, our drinking doesn't get so out of control that we change personalities and lose control of ourselves.

 

[Party Boy]

Back in Ireland, pretty much everything socially involves alcohol. The pubs and bars are the centre point of the village or town. Thats where people meet, catch up, gossip, relax etc. In a sense, a good pub and everything that goes on within is like what a cafe or coffee shop is like now.

So, we meet, we drink, we chat and we have fun. We may drink a lot and end up getting drunk, however the main difference is that getting drunk is not the sole aim of the evening. Having fun with friends is. Getting drunk or not getting drunk is a side issue. In fact, should people be getting drunk in the first place is a whole different issue on its own. What I am saying is that it is possible to socialise and include alcohol into the equation without everyone getting completely blotto.

 

[U2democrat]

I totally believe you Party Boy, but in that aspect it's very different from America. I look forward to a time where I can casually buy a drink and socialize, but that's just not the way things are at this point in time.

 

[Techie2000]

I don't drink, my friends don't drink a lot really, but sometimes they do but when they do I don't, and we still hang out and do stuff. Bowling, pool, sports, and what not. I go to college in a "dead" city but really I never felt pressure to drink at all. Except maybe when I went to a Harvard Model UN thing with a different circle of people than I usually hang out with, but I still didn't. It doesn't bother me at all if people drink, but people getting drunk turns me off. I know there are lots of people that do it. Doesn't interest me, so I do other stuff.

 

[Ralphie]

Partyboy...Ireland sounds wonderful. Like I mentioned before, I've heard that in other parts of the world younger people have a healthier attitude about alcohol. When I was in college I didn't think much of it but looking back it really was excessive. I knew plenty of people that ended up in bad situations due to this...getting alcohol poisoning to the point of needing a breathing tube inserted, or passing out and ending up in a bad situation with a guy. I'm not saying this is true at every college, but there really are some dangers associated with this kind of thing.

U2 dem, where you are sounds like where I used to be in Woodbridge...really bad urban sprawl?

Tim Kaine stories, ay...

 

[angelordevil]

You seem to seperate yourself entirely from people your own age by saying you dont fit in because you dont party hard and drink. It almost makes you appear as though you are elevating yourself above them, or belittling them by saying they dont do anything else.

Angela, I think this is a major fear of people like U2democrat: the possibility of coming off looking high and mighty because you don't go along with the group. This was very much the way it was for me. I felt tremendous pressure to drink on weekends, at parties, etc. It's very much ingrained in the culture (and maybe doubly so in a small town, like the one I come from) that alcohol is a social glue. Although that may be true, I've never bought into the philosophy that you have to temporarily alter your personality to connect with someone on a deeper level. I just turned 32, and I've never been drunk a day in my life. I've had moments where I've caved-in at parties and had a few beer, but I always feel like a hypocrite, because I hate beer.

Early on, when heavy drinking became the thing to do in my group, I probably lost a few potential close friends and girlfriends for not going along, but I don't regret that. I eventually gained a handful of friends I have more in common with--friends who like to remember their conversations over an occasional glass of wine instead of getting wasted.