There are so many times when I don't "get" people my age...

[U2democrat]

Partyboy...Ireland sounds wonderful. Like I mentioned before, I've heard that in other parts of the world younger people have a healthier attitude about alcohol. When I was in college I didn't think much of it but looking back it really was excessive. I knew plenty of people that ended up in bad situations due to this...getting alcohol poisoning to the point of needing a breathing tube inserted, or passing out and ending up in a bad situation with a guy. I'm not saying this is true at every college, but there really are some dangers associated with this kind of thing.

U2 dem, where you are sounds like where I used to be in Woodbridge...really bad urban sprawl?

Tim Kaine stories, ay...

Yup, lots of sprawl. It's like that back home in Richmond too...I guess Virginia is really appealing to outsiders

As for the stories...heh...maybe I shouldn't go there
Seriously though he's a really good guy, one of the kindest, most personable people I have ever met.

 

[Ralphie]

As for the stories...heh...maybe I shouldn't go there

Interesting...

Alright, I'm off to sleep. Hang in there U2dem, and remember, one day your friends that love to get hammered will mature a bit. After all, you don't ever see middle aged business people funneling beer in bars, do you (although actually, it would be freaking hilarious if they did...ok, I really should just go to sleep now).

 

[yolland]

I'm not trying to make some unhelpful hyperbole exaggeration, but you take issue with the amount that is being drunk and say the alcohol is what alienates you from your peers. I dont get that. Alcohol can bring people together, but a lack of it can't isolate, I'd not have thought.

I don't know about that--binge drinking really is an epidemic problem on many American campuses, and has been for awhile; certainly it was the predominant focus of most of the larger, better-"advertised" (by word-of-mouth) parties back when I was an undergrad in the early '90s. If U2dem were expressing discomfort merely with the fact that most folks at the parties she's been to happened to have (gasp!) a beer in their hands, that would be one thing, but she's not--she's talking about an all-too-familiar (to me, anyway) sort of scenario where the whole point of the party is for EVERYONE to get absolutely shitfaced, then have fun reminiscing afterwards about the entertaining (up 'til you passed out or puked) total group inhibition that results. For the under-21s this usually happens at (theoretically illegal) dormitory or off-campus keggers; for the "legal" set, it more often happens at bars (good luck finding anything other than a chaotic madhouse scene in a college-town bar on a weekend night).

If you're not someone who personally enjoys getting drunk--or who, like U2dem, maybe carries bad memories of watching repeated drinking to excess ruin the lives of people you care about and (perhaps more to the point) frighten, alienate and humiliate their loved ones--then I think it is most understandable and not at all belittling to recoil from such situations. It *is* true though, U2dem--like angelordevil said--that if you hang in there and commit yourself to holding out hope that eventually you'll find some friends who share your own preference for more moderate forms of socializing, you will eventually find them, and some great friendships based on shared life passages--*not* something you can get from hanging out solely with older folks--will result, and some of those friendships you'll cherish and maintain for the rest of your life. Maybe not until next year, but it'll happen. And yeah...maybe a few of today's chronic binge-drinking friends will expand their weekend repertoires later...but no need to wait around with your teeth gritted and a phony smile of enjoyment on your face for that.

 

[Carek1230]

My son is almost 20 and all he has been doing since about age 14 or 15 is "party". It's the cool thing to do. He's told me about the pressure and I say peer pressure is really the worst drug in schools now. My son got into drugs and drinking and kids I didn't approve of. He became uncontrollable in high school, cutting school and stealing from me, pushing me around. His father and I are divorced and the "father" was no help. Male friends of mine couldn't help, and I found myself calling police regularly. My son woke up one day realizing he was rotting away and he wanted to make something of himself so he quickly cleaned up his act, ended up accepted at a Southern Calif. Cal State campus and he walked with his class at his high school graduation with decent grades. As soon as he turned 18 he moved out and since he wouldn't listen to me and refused to stop drinking and smoking pot, I stepped back and let him go. He seems to be doing well, holding down a PT job, going to classes, basically being responsible but he lives and breathes for being social and "partying". He claims it's all kids at his school do is party every night. It's annoying because I never see my son and he lives 30 miles away and whenever we ARE together his phone rings constantly. He is always planning drinking fests and parties. I don't know how he does it. He rushed a fraternity in his freshman year but dropped out because the drinking was too much for him. The morning he awoke remembering nothing from the day or night before and he'd puked all over himself, his bed and his bedroom scared him. But he has no explanation for why teens and college students drink and party so much. They didn't when I was in school.

My parents are alcoholics, my father died from alcohol-related problems and my mother denies she has a drinking problem. I drank in high school but rarely drink now. I can see U2Dem's point about feeling left out and ignored when everyone it seems is out drinking and partying. I just don't get it. I am not against letting loose and having a good time, it's just that I don't understand how people can afford it night after night, and doesn't it become old after feeling so sick and hung over so many times? Some get in real trouble with drinking by driving while intoxicated, getting into fights and such. And people just get so loud and stupid when they are drunk. I cannot stand being around them so I choose not to go to parties and bars or clubs. There ARE other things to do for entertainment. There ARE other people out there to befriend, and I don't see anything wrong with U2Dem befriending older folks. She seems more mature than her drinking and partying classmates, so it makes sense that she feels more comfortable with a crowd a bit more mature.

I also feel there has been some productive sharing of opinion in this thread.

 

[Bono's shades]

When I was in college, at least during my freshman year, I felt like I was surrounded by drunken idiots who were complete ditzes even when they were sober. I couldn't relate to any of them. It took a long time, but I did find some people whose lives didn't revolve around alcohol and understood the concept of just going out to a quiet neighborhood bar and having a few drinks and a nice conversation rather than just getting trashed. (This was back in the good old days when the legal drinking age was still 19, at least in my state. As stupid as binge drinking is, I never thought raising the drinking age to 21 was a good idea. I don't think it ever stopped anyone from drinking, and only made criminals out of legal adults who did know how to drink responsibly).

Oh, and the point is? Hang in there and keep looking for new friends. And be proud of yourself for being mature for your age!

 

[VintagePunk]

Wow. With so many who have added their eloqant thoughts. I have some, too.

My daughter is similar to you. She's in her senior year, but feels that, a small group withstanding, she's isolated. She's actually interestd in experiencing life, and thinks that many people her own ages are superficial.

She's in Europe right now, and her favourite parts have been the roman bridges and aqueducts, She's looking at that as major now.

So sorry for your frustrations - not a ton to add, except that you're normal, and boys will catch up eventually.

 

[RocknRollKitty]

First I want to say that my nephew who is 2 days older than you U2 Democrat feels the same way about most people his age, hates the mindless partiers and can't relate to most of them intellectually. I don't think you all would get along though because he doesn't like mainstream politics but he does feel the same way and has complained about it a lot. He does have 2 friends who go to your school and don't party. He spent a few days with them in their dorm and said he went outside at 1AM and saw drunk kids playing 'duck, duck, goose' on the grass. Still your school is not as bad as some.

But I don't want the people here to get the wrong idea about the area. Newport News is NOT a 'small town' by any stretch. It has a land mass of 63 square miles, stretching from the Chesapeake Bay to Williamsburg. It has a population of 181,913 (catching up with Richmond) It's HUGE, and crowded, as is the entire Hampton Roads metro area which has a total population of over a million. The problem is, there is nothing in Newport News. There is the sprawl, but most of what is there, especially surrounding the college, is just rundown area with nothing worthwhile to do or see in the immediate area. (The nice, newly remodeled college looks out of place sticking out of this rather lame spot)There
is an 'on the run' gas station across from it, and a lot of grungy old buildings that aren't worth anything to college kids. There's a museum and the arts center if that is of interest to some, but it's not a cool or fun area. It's not small at all, but it's a drag.

 

[U2democrat]

Yeah, it's hard to explain the Newport News/Hampton Roads area to people who have never been here.

A lot of good opinions have been voiced in the thread. I guess at this point I'll wait out the semester (there's not much left) and maybe next year I'll meet more people to hang out with on weekends.

 

[RocknRollKitty]

Because there really is nothing else like Hampton Roads anywhere else How could anyone else have any idea you can be in the 'middle of nowhere' surrounded by an urban area, but it's true! Well, I do hope you have some fun, sometime with somebody!

 

[snowbunny00774]

U2 Dem - Do you have a part time job? I was thinking that a lot of places would love someone who could work weekends without having to worry about them calling in hungover or not showing up because of a party. You could be making money for your summer trips, and you might be in more of a position to meet people in the same boat as you. I know when I worked weekends in school, most of the nights I didn't go out to party I spent with people like me who had worked and were too tired so we watched movies, played board games etc. Sometimes it was nice because it gave me an excuse to not go out!! It might be something to think about for next semester.

I also think there is nothing wrong with hanging out with older people, but it is important to try to have communication and relationships with people your own age. When you join the workforce it is important to be able to relate to people your own age, if only to make things easier especially if they have worked there longer than you. I am not suggesting you change to fit in...but just ...this is hard to put into words..stay in the moment or stay current with your age group, or stay aware of what is going on without being judgemental, it will help when relating to people which is a big part of politics....which you love.

I guess this also gives people some food for thought when choosing their schools. A smaller school might be nice for some things, but make sure there are lots of extra curricular activites that suit YOU, not things that you hope you might fit into. This is for people going to school in general, not U2 dem.

 

[Ralphie]

A smaller school might be nice for some things, but make sure there are lots of extra curricular activites that suit YOU, not things that you hope you might fit into. This is for people going to school in general, not U2 dem.

Yeah, I think this is the issue with a lot of schools...there aren't many extra curricular activities and students are left to come up with their own entertainment, which is usually the kind of thing we've discussed here. There's the whole sorority/fraternity scene for extra curricular stuff, but that's usually just more of the same thing you'd find elsewhere on campus. I'm sure that some schools do offer more of this type of thing, though.

You're thoughts on enjoying adults more are interesting U2dem, although I feel I must warn you (I'll be 27 soon, that makes me a full-fledged adult, right?) that the traits you like/don't like in people will probably be dispersed throughout all ages. I've been with groups of people older than me who acted like they were 13 and met teenagers who are light years more mature. I think maybe what you're looking for is maturity, not necessarily age.

 

[Irvine511]

i think a lot of this gets outgrown for several reasons -- your body cannot keep up a Thursday-Sunday heavy party schedule as you start to get into your early and mid-20s. i went to a small liberal arts college with nothing around it but the woods, and i drank quite a bit, and often had a great time, and often didn't have such a great time, but i did find the appeal wearing off by my junior or senior year. it was never as if people sat in a room and never spoke and just drank, but drinking was the focus of the event, though it always went hand in hand with socializing, music, movies, games, intellectual discussion (really!), and general rememberance of fun times past. i have always enjoyed the feeling of being buzzed, or even straight up drunk -- i simply think it's fun to cut loose and sing "Tumblin' Dice" as loud as possible with a big group of people. i live a generally high-pressured life (and it was even more so in college), so i found that having a bunch of beer with friends and watching a stupid movie or listening to "Appetite for Destruction" was a great way to unwind.

these days, though, the hangovers aren't worth it anymore. ugh.

i'd say that that the early college years are the worst for binge drinking, and i do think that some of that is unique to the US. now, i've spent plenty of time in Europe, and i've seen many a European get plenty shitfaced, but i do think the bar/pub mentality is far healthier than the kids-go-crazy-in-the-dorm that is the fate of the 19 year old American student. when you turn 21, and people start to go to bars, you'll probably find that a bar is a more fun atmosphere than a dorm room because there are more people at a bar, and it's simply more expensive to get trashed at a bar than in a dorm room (compare $4 for a beer vs. $9.99 for a 30-pack).

 

[Liesje]

But I don't want the people here to get the wrong idea about the area. Newport News is NOT a 'small town' by any stretch. It has a land mass of 63 square miles, stretching from the Chesapeake Bay to Williamsburg. It has a population of 181,913 (catching up with Richmond) It's HUGE, and crowded, as is the entire Hampton Roads metro area which has a total population of over a million. The problem is, there is nothing in Newport News.

Sounds like here too. City population = 200,000, metro population = 1.3 million, things to do = ZERO (except the beach but it SNOWS 8 months of the year).

My beef with my school is not their alcohol/party policies, but the fact that the way the school enforces them, or doesn't enforce them, is a joke. I don't really care if other people want to party 4 days of the week and drink themselves silly - that's their money, their business - but my school acts so high and mighty because we're supposed to be setting a Christian example and bla bla bla....too bad they're in constant denial about the whole thing. I know one guy who was on a school trip in Europe and ended up doing so many drugs he was hospitalized and sent home. Then, before I went to Africa for a school thing, we had to watch this video with the VP of StuLife explaining the policies and how we were not to drink and do drugs, etc, while we were out of the country because no one could do that and be a good Christian....HA! Did they ever wonder why the business in Europe program is so popular?

 

[Muggsy]

That situation is hard sometimes... I really enjoyed my time at college but sometimes there was a conflict between the social aspect and the academy. I studied graphic design and arts in a public college and in that career is really important to be a social person, I was a very good student and when it was time to work I worked the hardest, but I also liked to party and hang out with my friends. I don't see any problem to be on parties and drink as long as you keep in mind your real goals, I partied a lot but I always finished my projects at time and with good notes.

my friends (they really party hard ) know that i'm a but they respect me when I have to go home early to finish an illustration or when I can't drink with them cuz I have an interview the next day.

 

[Techie2000]

FWIW my school has list of things to do that don't involve drinking though lots of them are kind of specific to my school and Massachusetts. Some of them are clearly repeats (people watching and shopping). Just in case it might help. One thing not mentioned there is card games. Are there people at your school into poker? At my school its decently big, and if you talk around enough you can probably find a game going on. Sometimes they are cheap (dollar buy-in) and others not so much. It's fun, though if you aren't careful could take-up your money. Nice bonus is you might win money. Worst case scenario, chalk up your loss as being what you could have spent on a case of beer and getting hammered like other people might.

 

[WildHoneyAlways]

Are there any sit down bars/pubs you could go to to hang with an older crowd? I'm not saying you should give in and start going to bars but if bars where people socialize maybe there's a place that's laid back, not that loud and has interesting people in it. There were a few of those bars on my college campus. Grad student bars, as we called them.

 

[Liesje]

Are there any sit down bars/pubs you could go to to hang with an older crowd? I'm not saying you should give in and start going to bars but if bars where people socialize maybe there's a place that's laid back, not that loud and has interesting people in it. There were a few of those bars on my college campus. Grad student bars, as we called them.

There's so many bars these days that don't even let you in the door unless you're 21, even if you're not there to buy drinks. Most of the ones I'd go to are like that; only the trashy ones will let you in at 18. I don't drink that much and when I do it's usually at home with friends since drinking out is so expensive, but it still irks me that our drinking age is so strict.

 

[RocknRollKitty]

I wouldn't recommend college girls go hanging out in a bar. For every 'interesting' person there's a dozen bad drunks, and maybe even a killer. Taylor Behl, 17, a VCU freshman, told her roomate she was going skateboarding with a friend when really she'd been sneaking into bars hanging out with older guys. She disappeared, and a few weeks later her body was found in a wooded area miles away. A 38 year old man who looked much younger is held in her murder.

And if a person doesn't like the drinking scene in general, a bar is not fun.

 

[U2democrat]

Ah good ol' VCU in Richmond. Scary place. I half jokingly suggested that Gov. Kaine is safer in Baghdad than he is in Richmond

 

[u2bonogirl]

A lot of the college scene turns me off. The whole frat mentality of party party and getting laid just seems like a waste of my time
I'm really lucky that I don't have to go through what you are.

I've always liked being around people older than me too so it was hard for me to relate to most of the people my age in school. It's great when you find somebody your age that you can actually relate to though. I hope you find a few friends that you can be comfortable around so you don't feel isolated.