The ole "Apple of one's eye cheats with bestfriend" scenerio...

[Danospano]

The thrills never end.

Last night I found out that this chick I've been involved with in the past few months and whom I still felt madly in love, made-out with my best friend...and the kicker....HE instigated the tongue-fest!

What the hell is going on with the world? I mean, he knew how I felt about her, and she knew better!

I think it goes without saying that I'm both hysterical and numb at the same time. The hysterics are on the inside; numbness is quite visible on the outside. Hmmm....

Just needed to vent this to some sort of group of people....(sigh)

That's all.

 

[MrBrau1]

Goodbye girl, goodbye friend.

 

[Danospano]

Mr. Brau, is that the way to achieve pleasantness? I'd hate to ruin a 7 year friendship over a girl. In fact, I can't fathom that as a possiblity.

Additional info: He confessed the whole thing to me. When I asked who instigated the 'affair' he told me the truth; that it was him. I respect that, and he sounds like he truly regrets it, but it still stings.

 

[diamond]

Dano,
sorry to hear that.
believe it or not it happens to a lot us.

you find inner strength and persevere.

good luck,
db9

 

[BostonAnne]

Mr. Brau, is that the way to achieve pleasantness? I'd hate to ruin a 7 year friendship over a girl. In fact, I can't fathom that as a possiblity.

Additional info: He confessed the whole thing to me. When I asked who instigated the 'affair' he told me the truth; that it was him. I respect that, and he sounds like he truly regrets it, but it still stings.

It's a good thing that he confessed the whole thing to you and you didn't have to find out that he kept a secret from you before he told you. People make mistakes and 7 years is a long time. It hurts like hell to be hurt by people you love.

 

[MrBrau1]

Mr. Brau, is that the way to achieve pleasantness? I'd hate to ruin a 7 year friendship over a girl. In fact, I can't fathom that as a possiblity.

Additional info: He confessed the whole thing to me. When I asked who instigated the 'affair' he told me the truth; that it was him. I respect that, and he sounds like he truly regrets it, but it still stings.

I would be very upset. The fact he confessed to you is good. But he still did it. Did he know you love her? If he did, bad, very bad.

 

[Liesje]

Lose the girl, try to salvage the relationship with your friend. No matter how in love you are/were, do you really want a girl who will consent to makeout with your best friend behind your back? I'm not saying it's all her fault, but it sounds like you're open to making ammends. Make sure your friend knows he's in the dog house for a LONG time!

 

[Diemen]

I agree with LivLuv. Lose the girl, try to keep the friendship, especially if he is genuinely sorry for his actions.

I recently ended a 12 year friendship, but in my case it was the right thing to do since she wasn't willing to admit any guilt or apologize for anything.

 

[martha]

Both relationships need to be reconsidered. They're both low-down cheaters.

I'm sorry about your pain, Dano.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I'd say forget trying to salvage the friendship. It's just this girl... this time. Who's to say he won't do that again?

Sorry, that really sucks, Dano.

 

[Danospano]

Wow...I was wanting to hear someone say, "Oh, forget about it. It's no big deal...It's not worth worrying about". Evidently, the consenus is to hold a grudge and stay pissed off.

Of all the people I know, he's the last person who would EVER do this to me, or anyone else. I'm still in shock.

Thanks to everyone who has posted.

 

[HeartlandGirl]

You'll know the right decision for yourself after a little time to process things. Take care, Dano.

 

[KhanadaRhodes]

did he tell you why he did it? did he know how you really felt about her? if so and he still proceeded to make out with your girlfriend, then dump his ass too.

if not, then it could be salvaged...the friendship, that is.

 

[BostonAnne]

Wow...I was wanting to hear someone say, "Oh, forget about it. It's no big deal...It's not worth worrying about". Evidently, the consenus is to hold a grudge and stay pissed off.

Of all the people I know, he's the last person who would EVER do this to me, or anyone else. I'm still in shock.

Thanks to everyone who has posted.

I think it takes a mighty big person to just forget it. What happened really hurts. I also wonder about the depth of a person that could just forget the hurt and forgive so easily. You have the right to be upset.

However, I think that your friend made his feelings for you clear by coming clean with you. If you weren't important to him, it would have been easier for him to be silent. I don't think you SHOULD hold a grudge and stay pissed off - I think your friend is regretting his mistake. I don't blame you for being pissed off and holding a grudge for a bit because I think that is just a natural reaction.

 

[martha]

Holding a grudge and thinking long and hard about the quality of one's friends are two different things. Only you know how much your "friend" hurt you and how much you're willing to forgive.

 

[Cleasai]

Perfectly said... er written Martha

 

[Mrs. Edge]

What a terrible situation for you to be in, I am so sorry!

Everyone here is quick to say (in essence) "dump the girl keep the friend". I would be curious to know if she feels terrible about this. The friend feels badly and everyone says OK, but I wonder how she feels about this. If everyone makes mistakes does that not apply to her also? I am not excusing either of them, but if you are willing to salvage the relationship with him, and you really love her, maybe you should salvage the relationship with her too?

The fact that HE is your long time friend and HE instigated it, seems that he is the much guiltier party here. The fact that he admitted it is good, but I'm sure he was also relieving his guilty conscience.

 

[Danospano]

I got an email from her this morning. She was honest with me and said that once she moved to a nearby town and stopped talking to me as much that she did this so as not to lead-me-on. That she had started liking my friend and that the feelings just grew.

Keep in mind that we weren't dating when this happened. The things that infuriate me are: 1) She didn't date anyone since me, so she basically jumped right into my best friend's lap. Rather than dating someone I didn't know, or wasn't even my best-friend, she went with the last person on earth she SHOULD HAVE. 2) He knew better, because until she confessed that she had a crush on him, I spoke often about how much I still loved her, and longed to be with her, if it was only possible. This is the big one. 3) They both apparentently WANT each other. This is mainly a huge blow to my ego, or what was left of it (sigh). I spent months trying to please her, and all he did was show up a few times and send her a few text messages.

Is the world fair? No. I thought about this last night as I went to sleep; thinking about the life of Queen Elizabeth compared to some innocent child in Africa being born with AIDS and living 2 years at the most. Yeah, that kids situation is much worse than mine, so I shouldn't feel so bad. But regardless, this is my life, and exposing oneself to love and attempting to make that step with someone you really care about, only to see her fall for the best-friend/and vice-versa, is more than I can manage.

She wants to apologize, but is adament in her feelings for the friend. He regrets it, but says if the situation were less dramatic, he'd love to date her.

GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

----the more I type, the angrier I get.

 

[diamond]

dano,

i know it hurts.
u have to ask yourself why would u want to be w/someone whose heart wasn't the same as yours?

it couldn't of been worse, u coulda been married to her.
u couldn't been married to her for years wchildren and your friendcoulda did this.

talk to someone and let go.

sincerely,
db9

 

[Headache in a Suitcase]

twas alcohol involved?

 

[dreamingoutloud1]

If you're going to lose anyone, it should be the friend! How could he betray you like that?

 

[dreamingoutloud1]

and....

was alcohol involved?

 

[V Nura]

What a terrible situation for you to be in, I am so sorry!

Everyone here is quick to say (in essence) "dump the girl keep the friend". I would be curious to know if she feels terrible about this. The friend feels badly and everyone says OK, but I wonder how she feels about this. If everyone makes mistakes does that not apply to her also? I am not excusing either of them, but if you are willing to salvage the relationship with him, and you really love her, maybe you should salvage the relationship with her too?

The fact that HE is your long time friend and HE instigated it, seems that he is the much guiltier party here. The fact that he admitted it is good, but I'm sure he was also relieving his guilty conscience.

Dump the girl keep the friend.


and HI Jess!

 

[Justified]

I am guilty of doing that to two best friends. Thankfully it did not end their friendship but there were a lot of problems and I realized it wasn't worth it and I stepped out of the picture.

 

[Diemen]

I feel your pain, dano. My friend (the one I ended the friendship with) was once my girlfriend for a short time, and I basically found out that when I thought she was talking things over with her ex-boyfriend (which I had willingly given her the space to do), she was actually talking things over...and sleeping with him.

And I really, really, really tried to forgive her for that. The relationship was obviously over, but for a while things were all right and the friendship was ok, and I had convinced myself that I had forgiven her. But she never actually admitted any wrongdoing, and through a few years of stupid arguments, awkward situations and outlandish accusations, it became clear that I should've cut her off clean when it first happened.

Forget the girl, she obviously doesn't have feelings for you like you have for her. As for the friend, only you really know the dynamics of the friendship, so if you think that it's not that big a deal and the trust can be rebuilt pretty easily, then maybe so. But at the same time, I thought I could trust my friend after the fact too, and things only went downhill. And that's an awfully big breach of trust, even though you weren't actually dating this girl. He needs to know that and understand what an asshole he is for going there (alcohol or no).

 

[martha]

Keep in mind that we weren't dating when this happened. The things that infuriate me are: 1) She didn't date anyone since me, so she basically jumped right into my best friend's lap. Rather than dating someone I didn't know, or wasn't even my best-friend, she went with the last person on earth she SHOULD HAVE. 2) He knew better, because until she confessed that she had a crush on him, I spoke often about how much I still loved her, and longed to be with her, if it was only possible. This is the big one. 3) They both apparentently WANT each other. This is mainly a huge blow to my ego, or what was left of it (sigh). I spent months trying to please her, and all he did was show up a few times and send her a few text messages.

Hmm.

So you weren't dating? And two people you know started something? So they weren't cheating at all?

It does help to know the whole story before we offer advice.

It may not be surprising that she went for someone you like very much. You both may have a lot in common and be the type of man she likes.

It sounds like your relationship with her was over, she moved on, and moved on with a friend of yours.

It sounds like you may have to get used to them being together.

 

[Danospano]

We were more of less together during the summer. She moved, so I figured it was overwith. I confided in my best friend on multiple occasions that I still loved her and wished it would have worked out.

That's the sum of it all. He then moves in on her, not a week after I last expressed my feelings.

I understand that two people should be together if they want to be, but these two people? WTF? He knows that I rarely fall for a woman, yet she was worthy of my effort. He hit on her, she responded, and so it goes.

She hurt me, because she doesn't love me, doesn't find me attractive, and so forth. He hurt me because he broke the underwritten rule of manhood; you don't hook-up with your best friend's ex.

Am I right, guys?

 

[diamond]

That's the sum of it all. He then moves in on her, not a week after I last expressed my feelings.


She hurt me, because she doesn't love me, doesn't find me attractive, and so forth. He hurt me because he broke the underwritten rule of manhood; you don't hook-up with your best friend's ex.

Am I right, guys?

Code of ethics among brothers=
1. Always try and stay away from your buddy's lover, ex or otherwise.
2. If it's broken off it is the duty of your buddy to at least notify or ask if it's ok to start dating the 'Ex'.

it's that simple, Code of Ethics.

Martha appears to be a very liberated thinker

db9

 

[KhanadaRhodes]

well it appears that the girl isn't a problem anymore as it seems there's no chance of a relationship with her. i don't know if i'd keep the guy as a friend since he moved in on your ex days after you confessed you still loved her. if he valued your friendship, he would've at least confessed his feelings BEFORE he did anything.

this is what happens when men use their penis as a brain.

 

[Danospano]

It's so out of character for him to have done this. That's the vexing question. Why would he? Is he trying to end the friendship? He said, he wouldn't date her if I objected, but that was after the make-out session.

I'm so confused. He keeps wanting to hang out with me, but I keep avoiding the question. In fact, I don't feel like going out anymore. I go to work, come home...and read...or watch the baseball playoffs, listen to music, or fool around online.

I know it's not healthy to avoid the confrontation, but I'm afraid I'll do something I regret, or be a huge asshole and bring up shit that should never come up. I don't trust myself to remain civilized, ya know? I'm afraid I might say, "Well, dude...how's your ex doing? You know the one...the one that you were hung up on for the past few years? " I'm afraid I'll be dripping of sarcastic remarks and make the situation worse.