~LadyLemon~
I Serve Larry's Stick
I keep wondering where it all went wrong--where did my happiness go? The last time I can remember being truly happy was when I was 21 years old...soon I'll be 25. I find joy in small things, but lately, I feel like just existing on this planet is a downer.
This year, I hoped that things would turn around but they've only gotten worse: I was kicked out of grad school, I watched my grandfather die a horrible death and I struggle daily dealing with alcoholism in my own house. I used to love my job, but lately being there is also very draining. We're going through a lot of stressful changes right now, everyone is on edge, plus I'm getting sick of my co-workers being catty. I went through high school once--I really can't take it again, but I suppose that's what happens when you work primarily with women. I'm starting to resent even being there.
So I'm stuck--in debt, living at home, looking for a new job, wanting to get far the hell away from here but being terrified of doing that at the same time, trying to decide what to do with a career, if I should go back to school, etc. The only things that seem to bring me joy now are music and going to shows, but being broke gives me less and less of these small pleasures. I feel so worn down, not knowing where to turn. The thought of doing something "ordinary" has become so stifling to me, but at the same time I feel like i have no marketable skills.
Blah blah blah, I feel so self-indulgent and whiny right now. Who else has been in a life rut like this and how in the hell did you get out of it?
This year, I hoped that things would turn around but they've only gotten worse: I was kicked out of grad school, I watched my grandfather die a horrible death and I struggle daily dealing with alcoholism in my own house. I used to love my job, but lately being there is also very draining. We're going through a lot of stressful changes right now, everyone is on edge, plus I'm getting sick of my co-workers being catty. I went through high school once--I really can't take it again, but I suppose that's what happens when you work primarily with women. I'm starting to resent even being there.
So I'm stuck--in debt, living at home, looking for a new job, wanting to get far the hell away from here but being terrified of doing that at the same time, trying to decide what to do with a career, if I should go back to school, etc. The only things that seem to bring me joy now are music and going to shows, but being broke gives me less and less of these small pleasures. I feel so worn down, not knowing where to turn. The thought of doing something "ordinary" has become so stifling to me, but at the same time I feel like i have no marketable skills.
Blah blah blah, I feel so self-indulgent and whiny right now. Who else has been in a life rut like this and how in the hell did you get out of it?
I can relate to a lot of it, and I wish I could tell you how I got out of my rut but truth is, I've still got one foot firmly stuck in it. 
Actually, I had a rough first semester, and one of my classes was only 9 weeks long. I wasn't ready for getting into things so intensely again, plus the one hour commute didn't help either. I was supposed to have a 3.0 in my 'core classes' and I ended gettting a C in the shortened class, thus resulting in my dismissal from the program. Yay me.
