The double-bladed knife

[the soul waits]

...meaning, the risk you take when you come out of your comfort zone and get involved emotionally, right through to your core..
You know it's a risk, because if it goes wrong, you'll be left to pick up the pieces of your scarred heart and eventually chalk it up to a lesson learned, an experience richer and having grown as a person (in reality, meaning that you've become, yet again, a tad more sceptical about love/relationships)..

But if you don't get emotionally involved anymore because you're fed up with hurt, dissappointment and their pleasant likes, you think to yourself that life would be so incredibly dull, safe, monotone...but at least, the closest to stable you'll ever get.

This is an ongoing dilemma for me.
And yes, I had decided to feel alive upto my toenails again and open up to love, with past experiences under my belt making me milder, more patient, stronger..but also, more decisive and responsible for my own well-being rather than handing over my heart to the significant other...and I got hurt..yet again.

I feel so thrown off my balance. God, heartache is the worst feeling in the world. I'm saddened to my core.
And I hate feeling this way.
It's all too familiar.
It's one time too many. I resent the fact that I feel so depressed because of love.
I know it will take time to get into my strong happy spot again, content with the world. I'm being kind to myself.
But it sucks, dang, it does.

Can anyone relate, or care to share his/her ramble on this?

 

[dandy]

i've so been where you are, and it sucks. but it does get better with time, even if you don't feel it just now.

i'm currently in hiding from the whole dating scene, partially due to lack of suitable possibilities, but more because i don't want to go through it all again. my last relationship put me through the wringer, and it took me awhile to heal, but i focused my energy on getting myself back on track. now i don't want to give up being single and carefree. it's been almost three years, and i haven't felt that lonely feeling i was dreading--not even for a second.

i am, however, bitter and jaded, and unwilling to a point that it's just not healthy. it's better to open to new possibilities (within reason, of course) than to just give up.

one thing i have learned during the course of my new-found singleness: i thought that keeping myself out of a relationship would keep me from feeling the pain of heartache, but it's not only another person who can make you feel like you've been run over by a bus. i had the job of my dreams offered to me, only i could not financially afford to make it work--to accept it would have been foolish. having my dream come true, only to have it snatched away again was more pain than i've ever felt from the breakdown of a relationship. the lesson: pain can come in various forms, and you can't simply lock yourself away hoping you'll never have to feel it. it's a part of life, but it's always possible to turn it into something positive.

take care of yourself, and be generous in giving yourself time to heal. you'll wake up one of these days and suddenly you won't feel so badly anymore.

 

[the soul waits]

Thanks, Dandy

I do know that I'll be ok, because experience taught me that a few times now, it's more a feeling of "oh no, not *that* whole process again, I know it all too well.
It's making me pensive of whether or not it is worth throwing my hard-earned balance in the scale again in the future.
I was single for a year and happy to be so! I love being single, I absolutely do, and I don't fall in love easily, nor do I believe that I need a partner to be complete (which I used to believe in the past). But ya know, sometimes it just happens and that's rare to me so I chose to follow that feeling.

That's an interesting train of thoughts you mention, about the carreer-heartache so to speak. How did you deal with that?

 

[For Honor]

Heh..... I will spare a long post........... for now......


But I will say that I can relate..................


and that's all......... believe it or not....
(consider this a prelude.....)


The theme music is playing, and the main show will be coming up all too soon, don't worry......

 

[dandy]

Originally posted by the soul waits I was single for a year and happy to be so! I love being single, I absolutely do, and I don't fall in love easily, nor do I believe that I need a partner to be complete (which I used to believe in the past). But ya know, sometimes it just happens and that's rare to me so I chose to follow that feeling.

i'm exactly the same way. took me a long while to figure all that out, but life is much better now that i have.

That's an interesting train of thoughts you mention, about the carreer-heartache so to speak. How did you deal with that?

kinda like all the other heartaches, lol. i was quite depressed last summer after it fell apart on me, but i'm lucky in that i have an amazing group of supportive friends who helped keep my spirits up even on my worst days. i had to keep believing that something good would come out it all, even though i couldn't imagine what it could be. six months later, i landed a great job with the federal government here in canada. it's not my dream job by any stretch, but i do like it, and there are lots of future possibilities that will come out of this experience. i'm still going to get where i'm going, it's just that the path is going to be quite different than i had imagined. but that's how it goes--life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.

 

[the soul waits]

Yes, isn't that always how it goes? One would think we'd learn to expect about the opposite of what we're expecting, no? Or something like that

 

[For Honor]

The Beatles, as people, have said so many great things, with their own words and their songs, too.


One of the most ... sensible thoughts I've come up with, in regards to realtionships, is just trying to find someone who is in the same mindset and wants the same thing you do.

It should be two people working for the same thing.
Orat least, two people who want the best for the other person.

The pain is always internal, but, if you can make it "not" about you sometimes, somtimes that makes it a little easier


- said by the man who alwas writes about himself, conceitedly so.

 

[Amélie]

Can anyone relate, or care to share his/her ramble on this?

hi fellow belgian,

I had the same experience in february...
I never felt so bad, i had never had such strong feelings before...
but it gets better some day and you know that too!
I hope you'll be strong and focus on the positive things in life!!

you can always sent me an email
amelie_842002@yahoo.com

 

[the soul waits]

Hi Amélie,

Thanks for replying..I have an update on this by the way, we spoke and have decided to try to work through the differences because we're insanely in love and I seriously felt like I had lost a limb during the days we were "broken up". Mind you, this is a long distance relationship we're in (he lives in Lisbon, Portugal) so it's not making a physical difference, as him being near me or not, because we havent seen eachother since February. But seriously, the mere thought of him not being part of my life anymore, made me feel sick.
We're seeing eachother next week, he's visiting here

I'm sorry you had to go through that Amélie, it sucks monkey balls. Feel free to email me too if you want :
tocagirl@gmail.com

Are you going to the Brussels gig? I am!

 

[dandy]

i hope you two can work things out. you must feel so much better.

best of luck to you both!

 

[the soul waits]

Thanks, Dandy