The 40...errr...27 year old virgin.

[Hallucination]

O.k. so here's the thing. I'm 27 years old and without sounding like a cocky ass I realise that I'm a fairly decent looking guy. I do get hit on alot, my friends call me beautiful all the time(even my guy freinds) so it confuses them as much as it does me to know that at 27 years old I am a virgin. Now here's the weird part. I have no explanation for it. I'm not affraid of it, I'm not holding out for marriage, and it's not a religious thing for me. It's simply somthing that has never happened. I have no answer for it, and that's part of the problem. I'm not ashamed of it but the truth is I wish I wasn't. It would make things easier. Now fixing this problem should be easy. Just go out and get it done but I'm not like that. And it's not that I'm against one night stands(if it were the right time and person sure) but I guess I'm extremely picky. Quality over quantity. Now the last two times I've had girlfreinds I've had to go through the process of telling them I'm a virgin. I call this process "dropping the V-Bomb". It really sucks. I tell them because I think it's good to be honest and up front. They always ask "why?" When I explain to them that there is no real reason for it it confuses them even more and I don't blame them. I mean I struggle to answer the question. Partly because I don't know why and partly becasue I don't know what they want to hear. Anyways the last two times I dropped a V-Bomb it ended the relationships extremely fast. I don't know why. Though I do have ideas why Far too often I get people(freinds) telling me how much they respect the fact that I am a virgin. Alot of my female friends say they think it'd be cool to date a guy who still had his V-card. I don't buy this. For guys it's different. I'd love to date a virgin(we'd be on the same level) but for girls even those who are still virgins I think they tend to want a guy who's more experienced. I think knowing that they would be "the first" puts unwanted pressure on them. Anyways I know that it's not a thing I look forward to. The process of telling. I look forward to the process of doing obviously but already I'm extremely nervous about dropping the V-Bomb on this new girl I've met assumeing it would get to that point. And the whole "if they don't accept you for who you are than they aren't worth it" statement doesn't really hold up because the last two girls I dated were great girls but I think the whole thing made them uncomfortable. I guess I'm not really looking for advice but rather opinions and comments. Female perspectives would be fantastic.



Even on the internet that was hard to talk about. Like I said I'm not ashamed of it but it's never somthing you want to shout from the roof tops.

 

[For Honor]

NExt time you see those girls, flip them the bird. Those fools don't know what they want!



*ahem *

excuse me about that there.......

As I was saying....
Well, quite frankly, I wouldn't give a damn. I don't really, and I mean I can understand it but don't endorse it, I don't really 'get' that. If you really want a realtionship with someone, then sex shouldn't be the main point.

Sexual intimacy is important, no doubt. But not having done it before doesn't really mean a whole lot to me. I know a girl or two who are virgins and certainly will be good in bed, and I'm sure that, though odd to say, I know a few guys who are in the same catagory.

As for quality over quantity - I'm all for it. I might be right there with you someday, but I don't care. It's in my destiny to be that way, so to say, heh, hahahaha......

And as per my initial statement - maybe those girls do know what they want, and it just wasn't you either way, it doesn't matter anymore. I wouldn't let some experiences that didn't turn out as you'd have liked change who you are.

ANd don't lower your standards too too much...
I don't like it when people do that, regardless.


I've seen the bad side of that sort of thing




edit- ...... but then again, I'm no woman. I'm interested in what the ladies have to say about this, too....

 

[AtomicBono]

You know it's funny because I feel the same and I'm only 17 but i've never had any relationship, at all. and personally I wouldn't care if a guy was a virgin, in fact I think I'd respect him more for that. I think it's dumb and unfortunate that the girls you dated were apparently turned off by that. I think it would make the first time easier if both people are virgins cuz there's not as much pressure. but that's just what I think

 

[Dulce de Leche]

I think any female who is not a virgin would be hesitant to be a guy's first, just as in a vice versa situation the guy would be hesitant.

While a girl's first time may be a bigger deal, for most guys their first time is somewhat of a big deal too.

That being said, there could be a ton of reasons why those girls bailed. Maybe they were freaked out that you'd always remember them as your first, maybe they used it as an excuse when there were other underlying reasons, or maybe they didn't like you enough to overcome that.

But when the right girl comes along, she won't mind and won't be freaked out. Until then, just be yourself and try not to worry too much about it.

Sorry, that is just me rambling and probably doesn't help you at all. Also props to you for not being ashamed and being able to talk/write about it.

 

[joerags]

I am in the same boat. I am 32 and still a virgin, but it's because I am downright ugly. Does it bother me that I am still a virgin? Some days, yes. Some days, no.
I would absolutely, ABSOLUTELY, tell no one that I am still a virgin. It is utterly embarrassing. But in my case, I would assume that people think I am a virgin, only because I am so ugly and I have never had a girlfriend.
But my question is, if you are not ashamed of it, why tell girls you are a virgin? Is it a pride thing? Do you tell them that so girls will be like, "Oh, that is so sweet" and they'll be even more attractive to you? I was thinking of playing that card, but I know it will backfire.
If you say you are an attractive guy, obviously girls are going to assume that you are not a virgin.
If I were you, I would just keep this little secret to yourself.
But don't beat yourself up over when and if you will lose your virginity. If it happens, it happens. That's the attitude I have.
In my case, I don't think girls will ever like me. If I were a girl, I wouldn't like me. I am really, REALLY ugly. I have a big nose, skinny face and losing my hair. Spare me the "oh no, it's not about looks. It's about personality." Yeah right.

 

[martha]

If I were a girl, I wouldn't like me.

This says more than you think it does. Beauty is as beauty does. If you don't like yourself, then how can you expect others to like you? Clean yourself up physically, and then go get some counseling to find out why you base your self-worth on your perceived lack of good looks. No girl wants to have anything to do with a man who dislikes himself as much as you appear to. You'd be surprised to find out how far self-confidence and self-esteem can go towards improving a man's looks.

 

[martha]

Anyways the last two times I dropped a V-Bomb it ended the relationships extremely fast. I don't know why.

Maybe it's got something to do with the way you say it? I dunno. You may be so obsessed with how these women will see you after the news, that you deliver it in a weird way. Ask some wives of friends about it.

Or, it could be that you're not as picky as you think and these women are shallow or easily freaked out.

Maybe it's the timing. Are you bringing up the subject too early? It could be that they weren't ready for it yet.

If I were dating a man and sex started to become a possibility, that would mean I really liked him and cared for him. His virginity wouldn't be a big issue. It would be an issue to some extent, but only because having sex with him means that he thinks enough of me to want me to be the first. It would be a compliment.

 

[Muggsy]

to not feel ashamed about that is a really positive thing cuz it shows that you are looking for a healthy relationship and it won't cause you any problems (emotional and "technical" ones) in your first time .

I learned that from my own experience. I was dating with this guy for a long time and he told me that he was a virgin and stuff... that didn't scared me (in fact I have to say I felt flattered when he told me that he wanted me to be his first) , but he started to talk a lot about how would be his first time and he did a lot of plans for it (he even choosed a date for that)... I decided to do it cuz I was in love with him and I tried to make him understand that he can't go from 0 to 100 in one night, but he just wanted to "compensate" all the "wasted" time he made me feel under a big pressure and he got really anxious too cuz he wanted us to be like porn stars ... you can't imagine how that night ended , I can't even write it here ...

I have a point to make with that awful story from what I call my dark age : being a virgin is not the problem.... the things start to get ugly when you get really anxious about that and when you show yourself like a sex freak to the girl.... reading your post I noticed that you are not like that so I don't think there's nothing wrong with you and the way you're taking your life. I think martha's right when she says that maybe you should think about the way you talk about it.

 

[AcrobatMan]

Re: Re: The 40...errr...27 year old virgin.

he just wanted to "compensate" all the "wasted" time

thats a feeling I can relate with

that what I am going to do ..whenever

 

[hiphop]

I´m with joerags, martha and Muggsy on that one.

"why tell girls you are a virgin?"

"If I were dating a man and sex started to become a possibility, that would mean I really liked him and cared for him. His virginity wouldn't be a big issue."

"being a virgin is not the problem.... the things start to get ugly when you get really anxious about that and when you show yourself like a sex freak to the girl.... "

you can see that 1. there are 2 possibilities 2. it depends on the way you tell

1. if she loves you, it will not be a big issue to her. if its rather a short affair, why tell? in every new situation, it should depend on what feeling you have with the girl, say, at which point the relation is.

when you meet someone, don´t know if you´re in love, end up in bed - why tell her at all, before. try to relax and enjoy the situation, maybe its gonna be a one night stand, (which would maybe not be the best thing to start with but i´m not the one to suggest); then she doesn´t have to know - or you can tell her later.

if you both fall in love, dating, you trust her and she trusts you, you are close... then you can still decide if to tell her before or after the big bang. if she loves you, it shouldn´t be an issue, if

2. you come over the right way. its not about dropping the V-bomb or how didya call it its not a bomb. its nothing negative. women are not scared of virgins.

the contrary is the case. women would be scared and back off if they feel it is getting ugly, you could be a sex freak or violent or whatever, and they can´t trust you. if they can, if they feel comfortable, there is no reason for them to interprete your "confession" negatively.

which leads me to the positive part of it... to the coaching part. see, express yourself positively. there is no use of telling girls details about your sexual life before you actually have sex. when you are in bed with her, then everything will be different. then you can cuddle and talk and slowly explore each other. when there is love, then you can look into her eyes, and tell her:

see, i never ever made love in my whole life, i never was that close to a person in my whole life. but with you, i would like to go the way. love means change. i have the feeling that with you, changes are possible. i can´t guarantee you that i will be a good lover, i haven´t explored it all yet. and... with you i would like to explore, because there is trust and you are so sexy and i want to go all the way with you.

heh.

i want to see one woman who is love with you to resist that. the biggest compliment you can make her is that you offer all and everything to her - she is so special that you would like to go this way with her.

then take a breath and see what she says.

 

[For Honor]

That's too bad your situation went that way, Muggsy.

Not that I am saying I know a lot...... but...... it doesn't sound like that guy knew the first thing about ....... well............. I'll just leave it at that. Maybe he knew the first thing, but sometimes #1 on the list isn't the most important.

I'm still a virgin, as I already mentioned, but that doesn't mean I can't be a (somewhat at least) well informed virgin. And the same goes for all the other guys and gals.


==== edit - well said, hiphop

 

[girlhappy]

I am woman and have same problem.I am seeing this guy who is putting me under the pressure of "doing it".I just cant. partly because,i am in love with another guy, i suppose. But, there is more sexual chemistry between me and this guy. Still,why i cant to this?And i am bit older than you? I can tell you, i just cant do it without love. As for your problems with those ladies.... they are actually afraid that they arent strong enough to take it. That is my opinion. On the other hand, as a girl, you dont have problem with that, because guys dont see that as a problem, and nothing would stop them .But, just wanted to tell you...i feel like...what would i say if someone ask me "WHY"? I am waiting for the right person? I know it sounds like a fairytale in the modern world

 

[For Honor]

Some people MUST be very, very selective about who they are in relationships with. Especially sexual ones.

Some people are more delicate, more sensative than others. This isn't a bad thing, though, because I think it means you have more depth availible for intimacy. I'm all for waiting for the right person, or even marriage. Besides my own beliefs, I've seen a lot of evidence first hand that supports (and influences) how I feel about subjects like that.

***There's no need to rush.........

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I think it's awesome that you don't want to just "go out and get it done", that you want it to be meaningful. You should hold to that belief no matter what. I don't know, maybe those girls weren't ready for a relationship on the level that you being a virgin meant etc., and that was what "freaked them out".

When it feels right to you you will know, try not to worry about what society says, your friends say, whatever. I don't think "dumping" someone because they're a virgin is right, that doesn't sound like the kind of girl you'd want to be with, no offense. Any girl who falls for you should respect your standards and your honesty.

Maybe your beauty and cuteness is just too intimidating too

It hasn't happened because in your heart you weren't ready for it to happen, there's nothing wrong w/ that in my opinion.

 

[Hallucination]

Thanks for all the feedback everyone. A couple things: As for why I tell these girls I'm a virgin it's because it comes up. Sex comes up and they'll find out whether I tell them or not and for me I'd rather be up front with it than have someone say to me "What the hell are you doing? Is this your first time?" You know. It has nothing to do with me trying to play a card that would make me more desirable. Not at all. I mean being up front about it is important I think. Also I'm not really waiting for love/marriage or anything like that. Yes I have obviously decided that it isn't going to be a spure of the moment thing with a random chick at a bar when we're both hammered. It will be on my terms with or without love. The problem is though I think the perception that the women might have is that I'm actually IN LOVE with them. I don't pretend to live in a cookie cutter world. Sex does happen when love isn't involved and I have no problem with that but to be my age and have not had sex the perception if I were to have sex might be that I am possibly too seriously involved in the relationship. I think that's what scares people off. As for the timeing of my V-Bomb assault well.... I don't know what the right time is. Both times it came as things were geting heated. Possibly the very worst time but what other time is there? It's definately not a conversation starter at dinner. I guess the best case scenario would be for me to be an absolute natural and when the deed is said and done for me to say to her "Not too shabby for my first time eh?" Becasue it was sooooo good and it was only my first time it turns her on even more kowing how damn good I'm gonna get. What? It could happen

Originally posted by MrsSpringsteen
Maybe your beauty and cuteness is just too intimidating too

This couuld very well be the heart of the issue. I'm just too damn good looking.

Oh and Joerags the others are right. Confidence and self image are extremely important. I don't know if your post was sarcastic or what but that attitude of "nobody would like me cause I wouldn't like myself" has got to go. Confidence in the right amounts is very attractive. For both guys and girls.

 

[Numb1075]

confidence will get you places you never thought possible.

 

[Numb1075]

<---- look at me, I look like a freaking mime !!










just kidding. Confidence is half he battle.

 

[AtomicBono]

If I were a girl, I wouldn't like me. I am really, REALLY ugly. I have a big nose, skinny face and losing my hair. Spare me the "oh no, it's not about looks. It's about personality." Yeah right.

First of all, I like guys with big noses, like Bono secondly...well, there are definitely many girls out there who are shallow, and physical attraction is always a factor. But you know what? The guy I'm in love with now I didn't find attractive at all when I first met him. In fact, I thought he was kinda ugly, kinda weird lookin'. But I got to know him and fell in love with him and I became more and more attracted to him and now I think he's the sexiest man on the planet...well, after Bono So for me it is about personality. It was the same way when I had a crush on my teacher

 

[starsgoblue]

Bono's got a big nose. And the last guy I dated had one. I rather like 'em.

 

[hiphop]

I guess the best case scenario would be for me to be an absolute natural and when the deed is said and done for me to say to her "Not too shabby for my first time eh?"

I guess so, yep

And stop calling it the V-Bomb! Sounds like Bart Simpson working for the Pentagon.

 

[For Honor]

Minds, essentially, are the most sensual of all body parts, even if you are a guy.

And I've always heard that women like guys with a big nose

 

[Hallucination]

And stop calling it the V-Bomb! Sounds like Bart Simpson working for the Pentagon.

Sorry. It's just that the last two time I dropped them they had massivley destructive impacts on the relationship. I'll try my best in the future not to sound like Bart Simpson.

 

[BonosBaby12]

From a female's perspective I highly admire the fact that you are still a virgin! You aren't going out there and having sex just to say that you did it. As for why the girls dropped you the way you did I don't understand. If the topic comes up than there is nothing wrong with being honest about being a virgin! Apparently you are pretty comfortable with it and that's what matters .

 

[Liesje]

From a female's perspective I highly admire the fact that you are still a virgin! You aren't going out there and having sex just to say that you did it. As for why the girls dropped you the way you did I don't understand. If the topic comes up than there is nothing wrong with being honest about being a virgin! Apparently you are pretty comfortable with it and that's what matters .

I agree. I've never met anyone who's regretted waiting, but I've met tons of people who regret not waiting

I'm not sure why girls would be put off by it, unless it has more to do with the way you present it. Personally, I'd never get into a serious relationship w/ a guy without inquiring into his sexual history (b/c of the risk of STDs), so if it got to that point, I'd ask and expect a truthful answer. Are you just bringing it up out of the blue? If so, maybe they see this as you being insecure about it? I dunno....

 

[U2MaNaIcWeIdO]

I'm also on the same boat too...since I'm only 22....but I've been a bit more reluctant in trying to find a guy just for that reason....yea...it would help if the guy was a Virgin....but that's the thing...I'm afraid I'm going to find a Non-Virgin guy and me having to tell him I'm a Virgin.

Yes...I do sometimes feel like I wanted to get rid of my Virginity...but most of the time I don't cause I'm happy with the way I am...and plus I'm also a bit reluctant in showing myself to the guy...since I am a bit overweight...amoung other more personal things.

I do tell other people...a very select few though...that I'm a Virgin...and I also tell those select few that I've never had the chance to date anyone before. Yes...I've never been in a relationship either...that's another reason why I'm still a Virgin.

 

[Hallucination]

Are you just bringing it up out of the blue? If so, maybe they see this as you being insecure about it? I dunno....

Nope. never. I wouldn't do that becasue then it does come across as weird. As if why do I feel the need to broadcast it. It would then seem as though i was useing it as a tactic to make myself seem more desirable. Nah. never outta the blue.

 

[Hallucination]

I'm also on the same boat too...since I'm only 22....but I've been a bit more reluctant in trying to find a guy just for that reason....yea...it would help if the guy was a Virgin....but that's the thing...I'm afraid I'm going to find a Non-Virgin guy and me having to tell him I'm a Virgin.

Yes...I do sometimes feel like I wanted to get rid of my Virginity...but most of the time I don't cause I'm happy with the way I am...and plus I'm also a bit reluctant in showing myself to the guy...since I am a bit overweight...amoung other more personal things.

I do tell other people...a very select few though...that I'm a Virgin...and I also tell those select few that I've never had the chance to date anyone before. Yes...I've never been in a relationship either...that's another reason why I'm still a Virgin.

That makes perfect sense as I ave also never been in any serious relatinship. I'm just prety independent and I ahve a hard time getting involved or even wanting to get involved in an actual relationship. Not that i don't welcome it but soemthing definately has to spark my interest in a big way to want to have a relationship with someone

 

[irishdove]

Boy, I sure am glad I came to this thread! I'm not going to say why, though

 

[For Honor]

^ why not?

just kidding, your business is your business, so if you don't want to share, that's not a problem

=============



I respect virgins. They are less deluded with seeking mere physical pleasure (though it can manifest into mental fixations, emotional .... well,nevermind).

I mean, I'm not going to say that I definitely will not get involved in some sort of sexual situation at college, but I'm certainly not going to go to booze parties and see who I can pick up for the night. That's just not me.

And besides, I think the best sex IS with someone you care deeply for, etc ,etc......

But everyone has their own opinions about this sort of subject, heh he heh.......

 

[U2MaNaIcWeIdO]

That makes perfect sense as I ave also never been in any serious relatinship. I'm just prety independent and I ahve a hard time getting involved or even wanting to get involved in an actual relationship. Not that i don't welcome it but soemthing definately has to spark my interest in a big way to want to have a relationship with someone

Yea...I totally agree with you in that aspect....but with me...No form of relationships ever...serious or not. I never kissed anyone before and like I said...I have never been on a date before.