sperm donation

[Irvine511]

That makes your father a bit of a hero in my book.

agreed. your dad rocks.

and good advice, U2SavesTheWorld.

but, in the state of Florida, for example, better a child locked in a closet than in the home of a gay/lesbian couple who love the child to pieces.

 

[martha]

if i were to sever parental rights, what then would my legal responsibility be? if they were both killed in an airplane crash, do i have obligations, or did i forfeit those?

Not to be too too predictable here, but men having been trying to have this both ways forever. Parantal rights when they want them, severed when they get in the way. HOWEVER, I am NOT accusing you of such behavior. This is what you want to work out with your lawyer. BUT, parents should always always always be prepared emotionally and financially to raise their children by themselves no matter what has been legally worked out. Ask the thousands of single mothers living in poverty about what was legally worked out with the fathers of their children.

if i were the Godparent, what would happen?

Godparents are a church function as far as I know. I'm my nephew's godmother, and I have no legal obligations to him. I haven't seen or spoken to my godfather (who is my father's brother) in at least 15 years, which says something about how we think relationships will last the test of time.

 

[Irvine511]

Not to be too too predictable here, but men having been trying to have this both ways forever. Parantal rights when they want them, severed when they get in the way. HOWEVER, I am NOT accusing you of such behavior. This is what you want to work out with your lawyer. BUT, parents should always always always be prepared emotionally and financially to raise their children by themselves no matter what has been legally worked out. Ask the thousands of single mothers living in poverty about what was legally worked out with the fathers of their children.

interesting ... is parent a legal definition? if i were to sever parental rights, am i still a parent even if i am the child's biological father?

simply because i am the child's biological father, doesn't mean that i'm an estranged father, or an absent father, or a behind-on-his-palimony father. i am not the father, right? the child has two parents, two mothers, and that's it, right?

or how does that work?

where's a lawyer when you need one ...

 

[martha]

I think this may be a very gray area where gay/lesbian couples/marriages/parents are concerned.

 

[dandy]

it should be that if you severed your parental rights, and the non-biological mother adopted the child, then yes, you would no longer be legally recognized as a parent/the father.

but martha's right--the law tends to cling to biology when it comes to reproductive issues, and depending on the state and how progressive its laws are on same-sex adoption rights, this may or may not be the case.

 

[U2SavesTheWorld]

That makes your father a bit of a hero in my book.

My book as well.....


One other thing.....and I don't have a lot of information about this but one of the ways that my dad's gay/lesbian clients found him was in specific newspapers and/or magazines geared toward that reader base. Not sure if its like that everywhere but its worth a shot.

 

[anitram]

It's a tough thing and no matter what we say, it has to be your decision in the end and only you know which way you are leaning.

Personally, I would not do it (I have no sperm, but let's say, donate an egg), because I think I would have a difficult time not being a parent to my child. Furthermore, I think it could really complicate matters down the road, if I were to have children - is this their brother/sister, should they know each other as such, and so on. They may want to pursue a relationship later in life which the parents themselves may not be totally comfortable with, for example. Basically, I think while it's a wonderful thing, I couldn't do it. I just don't see it as a decision that will only affect me now or in 20 years and I'm not so sure it's a fair thing to burden people who had no part in the decision making process with it later.

Only you know what's in your heart, however.

 

[hiphop]

It´s a great thing if you are very sure of yourself and want to do it. The pros and contras have been discussed, and I have nothing new to offer; just how I would deal with a situation like that..

I could not ever imagine to have a child and not raise it. If any woman really wants to destroy my life from the core, that´s the way to go. I would be destroyed if someone took my child away. I want to have much time, to be a good parent, all of that. I never want to be a weekend father.

Or, in that case, like you say, the "uncle". Imo the whole concept of having a child has nothing to do with uncle-feelings. A parent is responsible, and I want to be responsible for my child.

Shouldn´t a child be born out of love? An aspect that hasn´t been discussed here.

The whole question is if you see the child being "your" child, too. I couldn´t. I also couldn´t donate sperm. It would drive me nuts to know that one or more children exist on this planet, I am their dad, but I don´t know who they are or if I will ever see them. It would drive me insane.

While I surely appreciate the legal possibility for a gay or lesbian pair to "adopt" children, and I am all for it, I could not do it. On the other hand, I don´t know what other possibilities you have to be a dad; also, you seem to feel more free or relaxed about it than me, so if you think about the consequences and you are sure of yourself, why not.

Albeit, a little word of warning: while you trust those wonderful women who are good friends now, things can change a lot in a couple of years.

Consult an attorney, like MK said.

 

[joyfulgirl]

Shouldn´t a child be born out of love? An aspect that hasn´t been discussed here.

Given what two women who want to have a child together have to go through to make that happen, I'd say love is not in question.

 

[Headache in a Suitcase]

Re: Re: Re: sperm donation

OMG.

didn't even think about that.

also, "knee-jerk."

anyway ...

was the first thing i noticed


i have the sense of humor of a 12 year old.

it rules.

 

[hiphop]

Given what two women who want to have a child together have to go through to make that happen, I'd say love is not in question.

I see that as an aspect, one out of many. Actually I was rather referring to the act of making love, not of the loving will to carry and raise a child. Another aspect is that physically, one of the two women and the man "contribute" (either through the act of making love, or donating). The other woman has nothing to do with physically "creating" the child, the fetus doesn´t grow inside of her.. does that make a difference?

How would you feel about that? How would the child feel about that? Another positive aspect may actually be that there are two mothers and one father, three loving persons to raise the child instead of two. Why should the father take the role of the uncle, why not take the role of a father?

 

[joyfulgirl]

I see that as an aspect, one out of many. Actually I was rather referring to the act of making love, not of the loving will to carry and raise a child. Another aspect is that physically, one of the two women and the man "contribute" (either through the act of making love, or donating). The other woman has nothing to do with physically "creating" the child, the fetus doesn´t grow inside of her.. does that make a difference?

How would you feel about that? How would the child feel about that? Another positive aspect may actually be that there are two mothers and one father, three loving persons to raise the child instead of two. Why should the father take the role of the uncle, why not take the role of a father?

Well, children are born out of many things--love, violence (rape), "accidents," etc. If the child is loved, I don't think it matters much how it came to be. Of course there is evidence that an unborn child feels what the mother feels so of course if a mother is carrying a child that she doesn't want, that could affect the child. That would certainly not be the case in the situation we are discussing here since these women obviously want a child.

As for the father taking the role of an uncle, that is a decision to be made by the people involved. I don't think there is any right or wrong here, no shoulds or shouldn'ts. We've spent a lot of time talking about the cons because one would have to be prepared for those, but certainly there are many, many pros as well and as anitram pointed out, only the people involved know what's in their hearts, and it's a very personal matter (about which we've all chimed in with our thoughts since we were asked).