cell
Rock n' Roll Doggie VIP PASS
i've been listening to this song alot lately and im really trying to start off the new year right...i could have typed this in my journal, but i felt it was time to close it. the journal certainly changed my life in ways i wish i never opened it to type out my daily life and struggles. this is the internet. anything can happen.
lets see...potential new years resolutions...
eat healthy? pft...after several pepsis later...right. start working out? the gym is down the street from me. i could use it for free. im sick as a dog. not good to work out right now. i could use a healthier body. i have only one. make the most of this life.
go back to church? i have no motivation. i dont have the drive to seek Him as i should. even though there are signs everywhere we are living in the end times...my heart is hardened. how do i get back to that place?
get a new bf? haha..try again. rob is a great guy...except he has commitment issues i wont speak of. i love him to death...but i need to let go. i hope he and i can remain friends. im having doubts about this one.
so...do i make new friends? god, im too scared to. as most of you know of my past experiences im very reluctant to get to know any more men in my life. i crave love, but im afraid to open my heart to anyone else again. im also thinking i should try and rebuild the bridges i burnt, to make amends with people who i've hurt badly. im afraid of the answers...i've fucked it up too much to even try. but i wont know til i say "im sorry."
as the new year came, im starting to realize i need to look out for daisy and myself alot more. my self esteem is not the greatest, but i feel i've taken huge steps this past 3 months to overcome certain obstacles. alot has to do with my friends. i have great friends on here. as well as outside of interference. its why i chose the thread title.
im thinking of getting another tattoo. something deep. my first one is of a celtic tribal butterfly. it was to celebrate my freedom as a single woman, now that my ex remarried. the second one is a chinese character strength. both are on my back. each tattoo that i get on my body is something very significant in my life. the character, strength...i chose that one because i know that if i get that tattooed on me permanently, i will no doubt carry on. i HAVE to have strength in order to survive this thing called life. daisy has tested me severely this past couple of months. and im still here. mind intact. no bouts of depression im glad to say. you dont know how relieved i am.
daisys better, a bit more accepting of where we live, but still kind of hopes we'll move out of long beach sometime soon. she's agreed to start seeing her father again on the weekends. baby steps...one night every other weekend. she understands i could get into mucho trouble for not enforcing the court order. we'll see how long this lasts...
i tried to do this on my own, but im finding out i need my friends to carry on.
thanks for reading.
lets see...potential new years resolutions...
eat healthy? pft...after several pepsis later...right. start working out? the gym is down the street from me. i could use it for free. im sick as a dog. not good to work out right now. i could use a healthier body. i have only one. make the most of this life.
go back to church? i have no motivation. i dont have the drive to seek Him as i should. even though there are signs everywhere we are living in the end times...my heart is hardened. how do i get back to that place?
get a new bf? haha..try again. rob is a great guy...except he has commitment issues i wont speak of. i love him to death...but i need to let go. i hope he and i can remain friends. im having doubts about this one.
so...do i make new friends? god, im too scared to. as most of you know of my past experiences im very reluctant to get to know any more men in my life. i crave love, but im afraid to open my heart to anyone else again. im also thinking i should try and rebuild the bridges i burnt, to make amends with people who i've hurt badly. im afraid of the answers...i've fucked it up too much to even try. but i wont know til i say "im sorry."
as the new year came, im starting to realize i need to look out for daisy and myself alot more. my self esteem is not the greatest, but i feel i've taken huge steps this past 3 months to overcome certain obstacles. alot has to do with my friends. i have great friends on here. as well as outside of interference. its why i chose the thread title.
im thinking of getting another tattoo. something deep. my first one is of a celtic tribal butterfly. it was to celebrate my freedom as a single woman, now that my ex remarried. the second one is a chinese character strength. both are on my back. each tattoo that i get on my body is something very significant in my life. the character, strength...i chose that one because i know that if i get that tattooed on me permanently, i will no doubt carry on. i HAVE to have strength in order to survive this thing called life. daisy has tested me severely this past couple of months. and im still here. mind intact. no bouts of depression im glad to say. you dont know how relieved i am.
daisys better, a bit more accepting of where we live, but still kind of hopes we'll move out of long beach sometime soon. she's agreed to start seeing her father again on the weekends. baby steps...one night every other weekend. she understands i could get into mucho trouble for not enforcing the court order. we'll see how long this lasts...
i tried to do this on my own, but im finding out i need my friends to carry on.
thanks for reading.
and i am practically your neighbor!
