Some opinions please on this.

[Justin24]

Well I am taking public speech. My first assignment is a self introduction. I would like to get some input.

My introduction


Good evening everyone. My name is Justin Schlesinger. I am a native San Franciscan. I was born in Kaiser Hospital there on Geary, on September 24th 1981. My family and I moved to Daly City a few months later as my dad inherited the house from his uncle so he could raise his family.

My father’s side is Jewish, Catholic, Polish, German and English. One interesting thing is a relative from along time ago established the first railroad in Guatemala. My mom’s side is Guatemalan and Spanish, with a catholic back round. My mom taught us Spanish when my brothers and I were young. In my later days I never really practiced and my Spanish has suffered from that.

I attended Marjorie H. Tobias Elementary and from there I went to StanBridge Academy, a private school for children with learning differences. I have never been very social and I am trying to break that, by taking this class. I also wanted to join the Army after high school and follow my grandfather’s fooftsteps. I wanted to join the infantry, but that has changed.

I always felt like expressing through photos which I have been doing for over 5 years. One of my photos that I submitted to Kodak was chosen as picture of the day back in August 5th, 2003. It was also displayed on huge monitor in Times Square, New York.


I have traveled to many parts of the world. Guatemala many times, Mexico, Canada, NY, Hawaii, Germany(layover) Italy and Ireland, and various cities in CA. The first time I traveled alone across the Atlantic was to Ireland. My friend since Jr. High was supposed to travel to Ireland with me, but died tragically in a car accident two months prior to leaving, so I went for the both of us.

My mind has been wandering for to long on my major, I have been at city for a long time and want to graduate, but I like taking my time taking different classes and learning new things plus traveling

Before I end this introduction into the world of me, I have been helping my mom establish her business of Real Estate investing and I plan on buying a house in Idaho which I plan to rent out and pay the mortgage, that way in my future I have a place to live if I decide to move to Idaho.

 

[martha]

I like it. The only thing I would suggest is give another sentence elaborating on this point:

I wanted to join the infantry, but that has changed.

 

[BonosBaby12]

I think it's pretty good Justin would just agree with Martha though on changing that one part. You have lived a very interesting life

 

[Justin24]

So just take that part out completly

 

[martha]

No, you don't have to do that, but the way you have it sort of leaves your listener hanging. A short explanatory sentence would clarify your meaning.

 

[tpsglick2424]

 

[Justin24]

Ok will do.

 

[Justin24]

Updated

My introduction


Good evening everyone. My name is Justin Schlesinger. I am a native San Franciscan. I was born in Kaiser Hospital there on Geary, on September 24th 1981. My family and I moved to Daly City a few months later as my dad inherited the house from his uncle so he could raise his family.

My father’s side is Jewish, Catholic, Polish, German and English. One interesting thing is a relative from along time ago established the first railroad in Guatemala. My mom’s side is Guatemalan and Spanish, with a catholic back round. My mom taught us Spanish when my brothers and I were young. In my later days I never really practiced and my Spanish has suffered from that.

I attended Marjorie H. Tobias Elementary and from there I went to StanBridge Academy, a private school for children with learning differences. I have never been very social and I am trying to break that, by taking this class. I also wanted to join the Army after high school and follow my grandfather’s foot steps.

I wanted to join the infantry, I wanted the thrill of being in combat. After speaking with a friend I went to trade school with in which he joined the army after completing the trade school he said he really could not talk about it. What he did tell me was, he did have to shoot and kill some enemies after coming under fire. He said it was not easy for him to do. After that I changed my mind, and if I did join today I would look into being a journalist in the army. (army photographer)

I always felt like expressing through photos which I have been doing for over 5 years. One of my photos that I submitted to Kodak was chosen as picture of the day back in August 5th, 2003. It was also displayed on huge monitor in Times Square, New York.


I have traveled to many parts of the world. Guatemala many times, Mexico, Canada, NY, Hawaii, Germany(layover) Italy and Ireland, and various cities in CA. The first time I traveled alone across the Atlantic was to Ireland. My friend since Jr. High was supposed to travel to Ireland with me, but died tragically in a car accident two months prior to leaving, so I went for the both of us.

My mind has been wandering for to long on my major, I have been at city for a long time and want to graduate, but I like taking my time taking different classes and learning new things plus traveling

Before I end this introduction into the world of me, I have been helping my mom establish her business of Real Estate investing and I plan on buying a house in Idaho which I plan to rent out and pay the mortgage, that way in my future I have a place to live if I decide to move to Idaho.

 

[martha]

Much better! Now it's good to go. Your added part is a nice introduction to the photography part.

 

[Tilli]

Yeah - I agree with Martha the added part makes the whole thing flow better.

Do you have to just speak or can you use your photographs? It would be interesting for them to see the photo that you had displayed in Times Square.

 

[Justin24]

I am bringing my photos to class. This is the one that was displayed by the way.

 

[Tilli]

I was hoping you'd post it! Wow - I like that - it kinda captures an eerie-ness what with the trees bent over the path like that and the light at the end

Good luck with the introduction.

 

[BonosBaby12]

Very good Justin . And your picture is incredible!

 

[SunBloc]

Justin - you are very interesting, and obviously a talented photographer.

 

[Earnie Shavers]

Great photo Justin.

 

[tpsglick2424]

Wow awesome photo Justin!

 

[Dismantled]

what a great photo!