Slightly embarassing question about High-School "Boyfriend/Girlfriend"

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FitzChivalry

FitzChivalry

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Ok, to set the stage, some background info:

I am in my early 30s. I have one sibling, my sister, who is finishing up her freshman year in high school.

I am gay. My sister is not.

When I was in high-school, I was in denial and in the closet and as a result of all those volcanic issues, I never dated. I actually didn't really date until a couple years out of high school, and I was already around 19 by that time.

So my sister comes to me with a lot of questions about boys and dating. And my parents have a lot of questions for me about high school, boys and my sister potentially dating.

And I have no frickin' clue! I didn't date in high school, so how the hell should I know???

So my sister text messages me while I'm at the Arcade Fire concert last night and tells me the boy she likes in her class asked her to be his girlfriend. I guess my sister told my Mom as well. My parents don't want my sister dating or to have a boyfriend b/c right now she is getting kick ass grades and in extra-curricular activities full time.

Now my Mom (who also didn't really have "normal" high school dating experiences) is asking me what does it mean when 9th graders are "Boyfriend-Girlfriend"?

So . . . . what does it mean when 9th graders say they're boyfriend and girlfriend?

In my mind I see them hanging out at break and lunch. He will walk her to her classes. They will hold hands. *gulp* They will kiss. They will talk on the phone/MySpace all the time. But they're not having sex or anything like that, are they!!!???

I wish I had the experience to be able to give her and my parents the answers to the questions they're asking. But I don't.

So, I turn to you, wise and experienced Interferences.
 
It all depends on the person because everyone wants something different in a relationship at that age. Your parents are probably right when they worry about the affects on her grades. I'd tell your sister that it's normal to have a boyfriend but that she should keep focused on school.
 
The same thing as 18 year olds minus a car!

Its not like a crush kids in 9th grade that are dating mean business. Hormones are hopping at this age. :huh:
 
In my opinion its all about trust, if you trust your sister then it doesnt really matter about your experince or lack of experince at dating during that time.
 
We live one block from the Middle School exit...this is a common site on their way home....

kids-kissing.jpg
 
Mr. BAW said:
We live one block from the Middle School exit...this is a common site on their way home....

kids-kissing.jpg
Click to expand...
The differences brought on by puberty in girls and guys around 8th grade are hilarious :lol:

Different stages of development for the lose :up:
 
There's a lot more than groping going on in both middle AND high school. When my son was in HS the campus locked all the bathrooms because kids were even having sex in the bathrooms! As someone said above, trust is so very important....and as for drugs, the worst drug IMO is peer pressure. If your siblings, kids, friends, cousins, etc. do not succumb to peer pressure they will turn out alright. :wink:
 
Every relationship is different. I can safely say I've seen/heard it all by the old age of 16.
 
depends on what youre sister is like..im a junior well technically a senior :wink: and my sister is a freshman and it really all depends on the person.
 
I was an angel my Freshman and Sophomore year. Junior and Senior I was completely opposite & got married right out of high school. Stupid mistake. But that was loooonnnng ago and times have changed DRASTICALLY on high school campuses since I was in school.

Fitz--your sis is so lucky to have you as a caring older sibling! Good luck with that talk!
 
Yeah, getting married right out of high school - I can't even fathom that today. I know friends who graduated who have been with their highschool sweethearts all the way through college and are marrying soon. I just throw a big WTF to that - you barely even start a career after university and you're already settling down?
 
Canadiens1160 said:
Yeah, getting married right out of high school - I can't even fathom that today. I know friends who graduated who have been with their highschool sweethearts all the way through college and are marrying soon. I just throw a big WTF to that - you barely even start a career after university and you're already settling down?
Click to expand...

Actually that still happens, at least in this area. Often the case is that a child was conceived.
 
Canadiens1160 said:
Yeah, getting married right out of high school - I can't even fathom that today. I know friends who graduated who have been with their highschool sweethearts all the way through college and are marrying soon. I just throw a big WTF to that - you barely even start a career after university and you're already settling down?
Click to expand...


I've been married for almost 17 years to my high school sweetheart, I was 16, he was 17. Like all couples we've had our ups and downs, mostly ups. We both had careers at the same time. We didn't married until I was 24, just because we weren't ready with school etc.

I have to say though it is nice to know that he will always be there and its was great to grow up with someone who understands you probably better than yourself. There are alot of benefits to it!

Ooops! Plus we never meshed into one person, we each have our own ideas and opinions. Completely different personalities,
but we work.
 
well ok i don't date my age:silent: i date older....
but the people who do date my age it's: kissing, holding hands hanging out..making out lolz.some resort to sex but i go to a school with a lot of sluts. but since i havent dated someone my age for like a few years and since i havent had a boyfriend for 2 months. i don't know what dating is right now..it changes every minute like alberta weather;)
 
love_u2_adam said:
well ok i don't date my age:silent: i date older....
but the people who do date my age it's: kissing, holding hands hanging out..making out lolz.some resort to sex but i go to a school with a lot of sluts. but since i havent dated someone my age for like a few years and since i havent had a boyfriend for 2 months. i don't know what dating is right now..it changes every minute like alberta weather;)
Click to expand...

havent had a boyfriend in 2 months? thats like forever ever. hang in there :hug:
 
JCOSTER said:



I've been married for almost 17 years to my high school sweetheart, I was 16, he was 17. Like all couples we've had our ups and downs, mostly ups. We both had careers at the same time. We didn't married until I was 24, just because we weren't ready with school etc.

I have to say though it is nice to know that he will always be there and its was great to grow up with someone who understands you probably better than yourself. There are alot of benefits to it!

Ooops! Plus we never meshed into one person, we each have our own ideas and opinions. Completely different personalities, but we work.
Click to expand...


:up:

Two of my really good friends met in a judo class when he was a junior or senior in high school and she was a sophmore in high school. They got married when they were around 24, 25. Now they're in their early 30s and have 2 beautiful boys, 3 and 1, and they're just a really cute family, and he and she have only ever been with each other (in the Biblical sense). :sexywink:

:wink:

I think it's great. I'm not sure that would work for everyone, but it worked for them.

As for my sister, well, I guess she had her first date yesterday. They went to the movies to see "Pirates". I got an e-mail from her today . . . . she sounds over the moon!

My poor Dad, on the other hand. Yeah, he didn't sound too good yesterday. Very quiet and sullen. My poor Dad!

On Friday, I got to have a quick chat with my sister over the phone. Since it was a short conversation, I just got out the basics: Enjoy yourself, take things slow, have fun, be kids, enjoy your first boyfriend, don't have sex with him, if you do always us a condom, and don't be pressured into doing something you don't want to do.

Kind of like Cliff's Notes for your Teenage Sister's First Date. :lol:

I think she's a pheonmenal kid. I think she'll make the right decisions.

:pray:
 
Chizip said:


havent had a boyfriend in 2 months? thats like forever ever. hang in there :hug:
Click to expand...

:lol:



Anyway, I was very calm when I was in high school... I didn't go out very often but I had good friends wich I still keep today (3 years later).
In fact I didn't have a boyfriend back then but I was broken- hearted once. It was difficult at the time, especially because I was very vulnerable and used to lock myself in my shell. Maybe I should have been more outgoing... Anyway, I was there too, and though I didn't actually "go with the wave" I know how it works, and the ones that answered to this thread are right.
It's difficult for most peolple but your sister seems to have the brains and she is lucky to have you... I remember that I wanted to have an older brother so much... Now I don't think about it that much anymore...
 
I just went thru this with my 2 baby sisters,so I'm going to weight in:

#1 The SEX talk, ASAP, especially the part about PROTECTION, STD's and pregnancy. Also a nice booklet for Planned Parent hood. The more info a kid has, the better decisions they will make. Yes you emphasize that waiting is good, more maturity, better experience, etc. One thing I told my sisters, was that if they were at their BF's house and they got their period, they should be able to comfortably ask their Bf's to go to the pharmacy (by themselves) and get them some pads/tampons. If they were too embarrased or they boys would not do it, then they would not they were not mature enought for sex.

#2 Since your sister is what, 14/15? And she gets good grades, there is really no reason that GROUP dates not be allowed. group dates where MOM/DAD/Sibling takes them, picks them up,

#3 If the grades drop, she loses the PRIVILEDGE of the group dates untill the next report card. No and,if's or but's about it.

#4 Meet the boy!!!!! Meet the boy!! Meet the boy!!! And meet the boy's parents. Or at least know where he lives, and the parent phone number. Yes it is bothersome to the teen, but you need to know who they are hanging out with.

#5 My sisters were only allowed to get a My Space is they added me as a friend. I dont rat them out, but I do guide them. And yes, I did check their pages.

#6 In relations to #1, also have the "you dont have to do anything you are not ready/copmfortable for" talk. A self defense class is a good suggestion, as it gives girls a LOT of confidence and self esteem, so they ar eless likely to be pressured into doing something stupid.

Ok these are basics, if you need anything else, you can find me in Zootopia :D
 
Fitz - pass me those cliff notes, will ya?!?!? :wink:

I have no idea how to have the "sex talk" with my daughter :reject: Don't think I had one from my mom. I know she's learning about the body in school right now, and I think the 7th graders are learning stuff about it now. I know it makes her a little uncomfortable to talk about it :sigh:

And Chizip - :hi5:
 
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