Shy good looking people

[BrownEyedBoy]

One of my best friends is considered good looking by a lot of people. I know him really well and I know that he's a really kind guy. But he's very shy and insecure which is what I can't understand.

We had an argument the other day with some other friends - he wasn't around - about how he's rubbing off the wrong way with them and they wanted me to tell him about it.

I just found it hard to explain to them that the guy is insecure and shy and that's probably why he might offend some people. They just didn't buy it.

Do you guys know anybody like that? Any comments? Becaause I'm beginning to have my doubts whether or not he's just a jerk.

 

[Dulce de Leche]

Being shy usually has little to nothing to do with your looks. If you`re shy, you`re shy.

 

[Schmeg]

I can be very quiet when I meet new people and I come across as a snob. Maybe the same thing happens to him.




*could also be considered a snob for posting about shyness in a shy good-looking people thread* :wink"

 

[**Liesa**]

*is lurker that felt like saying something*

I definitely know people that are so shy that they come across as very snobby people. One of my very close friends just clams up when she's around new people and they definitely accuse her of being a snob, unfriendly, etc.

I have been accused the same, but I've worked hard to overcome my natural shyness so it's not so much problem. (I'm also ridiculously good looking.) Kidding.

 

[nbcrusader]

Some people are just not wired for easy social contact. If it is a challenge, they tend to stay away.

 

[For Honor]

Didn't you ever read Pride and Prejudice when you were younger?

Sorry, i just had to say that.

As for your guy friend being a jerk... do you really know him well, or do you just think you do? Sometimes people say they are shy when they are really reserved for a reason.

Maybe he doesn't want to associate with those people. Or maybe he really is shy. Maybe he just doesn't like to be aroudn people (there are those humans who are that way).

no matter what, you need to elaborate a little more here...

We had an argument the other day with some other friends - he wasn't around - about how he's rubbing off the wrong way with them and they wanted me to tell him about it.

How is he rubbing people the wrong way?

Why do your friends think that?

How is their personality, etc, different from his?


There are lots of variables

 

[Achtung_Bebe]

I don't understand the good-looking/shy correlation entirely, unless you meant to say that his shyness/insecurity seems unusual as he has a lot going for him

I tend to be shy, and sometimes I experience some level of anxiety. The same thing happens with me, where I'll just have trouble socializing in a group and will come off as snobbish, as if I'm snubbing those around me. If this is the case with your friend, then I'm sure it's something he himself is aware of and regrets. I can see how a more outgoing person may not understand this type of reaction, because it's a hurdle that they rarely have to deal with.

 

[kafrun]

I'm supposedly good-looking and I can be shy and self-concious at times. I get the "snob" thing too from other people. Being good-looking isn't the be all and end all. I suspect his self-conciousness comes from some deeper issues that only he can really figure out.

 

[TripThruUreWires]

it's rarely the case that "anti-social" people are snobs (a notion that can be the furthest thing from the truth).

i'm an introvert. in high school, i was rather shy and kept to myself. i respected and cared about other people; unfortunately, that didn't always come across. i required very little social contact to sustain me, and too much of it would overwhelm me. the insecurity i experienced back then stemmed from an unhealthy degree of perfectionism (in all areas). it wasn't that other people made me feel insecure; my own personal standards were unrealistic.

i'm guessing that being deemed "attractive" (as well as academically and athletically competent) by others, in some ways, helped draw people towards me. in other words, i rarely had to take initiative in social situations. as for those people who took the chance on me, they were able to see past the "snobbish" facade and establish a friendship and openness with me. these same people even commented (to their surprise) that i was one of the more genuinely amicable, down-to-earth, funny people they knew.

over the years, i've learned to put on an "extrovert's hat" every now and then (and simply remove it whenever i feel the need to so). i've also managed to work through most of my insecurity. you could safely say i'm in a pretty good place now, having accepted who and what i am, recognized and fulfilled my own social capacity and readjusted expectations of myself.

the only advice i can offer you is to be a good pal by helping your friend sort out whatever issues he may have: accept him for what he is (shy by nature); help him distinguish his shyness from the insecurity; assist him in identifying the insecurity (and, as someone already mentioned, it's probably not stemming from his looks); and encourage him to work through it with your support.

 

[TripThruUreWires]

oops. double post.

 

[briarrose]

I'm a very shy person and I think it's partly because I'm embarrassed about my looks. I don't like to look people in the eye. I often think I look hideous so I try to stay away from people. Maybe he's the same way.

 

[For Honor]

I think a lot of people have expectations that good looking people are supposed to be outgoing, etc. Or perhaps they just put the responsibility on that person because of their looks. I don't know, I'm just speculating a bit with those remarks

 

[u2bonogirl]

Just because somebody is deemed good looking doesnt mean they are naturally personable

 

[verte76]

I'm supposedly pretty, but I'm very shy.

 

[BrownEyedBoy]

Apparently it's not such a rare thing.

 

[XHendrix24]

Yeah. I think of myself as somewhat good looking (well, I've had some pretty good looking girlfriends in the past ), but I'm an unbelievably shy person. Honestly, I can't pinpoint why I tend to be so shy and insecure - I just am. I rarely look people in the eye and am extremely afraid/nervous when it comes to most kinds of social situations (especially in school). I can probably come off as snobbish from time to time as well. Even when people that I like but don't know that well attempt to talk to me, I have trouble looking them in the eye and saying more than a few words at a time to them.

So yeah, I'd be careful before assuming your friend's just a jerk. Apparently this type of shy isn't that uncommon.

 

[Blue Room]

I can be very quiet when I meet new people and I come across as a snob. Maybe the same thing happens to him.

I can atest to this one!

Even though I dont qualify under the "good looking" umbrella. I'm shy when its an uncomfortable or odd situation. As Schmeg, Kariann and ARW97 can atest to! Otherwise I'm really not all that shy.

 

[Canadiens1131]

All the best-looking girls I've known have been very reserved and shy.
There's just something so hot about being reserved

 

[SunBloc]

Shy people are very interesting. They seem to be a bit more mysterious and deep than outgoing people.

 

[BrownEyedBoy]

Sometimes I think I have that Asperger's syndrome bcause I really don't know social cues and do's and don't's or that natural instinct most people have to say the right thing at the right time.

 

[SunBloc]

^It must be contagious then, because I'm the same way!!!

Really.

 

[For Honor]

az-berger
If only Insptr. Clouseau was close by...

... ... the weather... it is very nice today......

 

[tarquinsuperb]

Your opinion of his appearance may not correlate with his opinion of his appearance.

 

[sami0201]

I'm very shy when I first meet people or just in general- so a lot of people at school think I'm a "snob" or a "bitch" because I don't talk a lot. I can't help it, that's just how I am! I try to be more outgoing though. But when I'm with my friends I'm the total opposite of shy- I just have to warm up to people, I guess. Like one girl said something to my friend about how I never talk, and my friend said to her "are you kidding?!"

And SunBloc, I've had some people tell me that I'm interesting and mysterious One teacher even told me that the other day. I kind of find that because I'm shy, some people want to get to know me more or know more about me, if that makes sense.

 

[For Honor]

Dark and mysterious... I've been labled that at times. It's somewhat an interesting thing to be called, I suppose. SOmetimes people say things liek that at the stranges times, but that's neither here nor there...

 

[Windmilllane]

I'm a very shy person and I think it's partly because I'm embarrassed about my looks. I don't like to look people in the eye. I often think I look hideous so I try to stay away from people.

I feel exactly the same way. When I meet someone for the first time, the first thing that crosses my mind is, "they probably think I am the ugliest person they have ever seen."
I am downright ugly, and people's first impression of you is how you look physically. Thus, when people first see me, they think I am ugly and right away they won't like me.

 

[Achtung_Bebe]

I am downright ugly, and people's first impression of you is how you look physically. Thus, when people first see me, they think I am ugly and right away they won't like me.

People will form first impressions based on looks, mainly because that's the only information available initially. Forget this preoccupation with looks, be genuine and kind, and then they will have no choice but to form a favorable impression of you.

Seriously, a person that loses interest based on looks alone is not someone you should want to be with anyway.

 

[briarrose]

People will form first impressions based on looks, mainly because that's the only information available initially. Forget this preoccupation with looks, be genuine and kind, and then they will have no choice but to form a favorable impression of you.

Seriously, a person that loses interest based on looks alone is not someone you should want to be with anyway.

I agree. Usually after I start to get more comfortable around people I don't worry about my looks. Personality is the main thing. At first glance, a person can be unattractive, but after getting to know them, you start to notice things about them. You could eventually find them to be a very sexy person.