Should I say something

[Doozer61]

well said, Char. that is exactly it.

it is so draining.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

 

[Liesje]

Char

Since I'm only 20 I can't relate to having a kid like that, but a few years ago I nannied for 4 kids and the six year old was absolutely out of control. They said he was ADHD but I think he's manic depressive. He was either bouncing off the walls and basically causing bodily harm to himself b/f of his euphoria, or he was slumped in a chair moping or sleeping. Sometimes I wanted to just let him do whatever b/c he would go off on me and get so MAD at EVERYTHING it was so depressing and scary. But then I figured, this kid has problems that really aren't his fault and as an adult that's responsible for his well-being, I owe it to him to do what's right in the long run even if it means dragging him out to the car kicking and screaming or making him do his homework even if he laughs hysterically the entire time or scribbles on every page.

 

[Doozer61]

i totally understand. we have discussed ADHD, manic depressive and now, possibly bi-polar.

 

[beegee]

i know she has fears of me moving in and taking over her mom's time and maybe i need to be the one to tell her that is not going to happen.

how long have you and caron been together?

i have been divorced for six years, and my ex has had the same partner for five. still, chelsea wants nothing to do with him. she will never stay at their house, and when he (selfishly, imo) brings his partner on his visits, chelsea becomes extremely moody and difficult.



teenagers are tough. it makes me laugh at the term "terrible twos." at least back then you could crank up their swings and shut them up.



i hope everything works out for you, doozer.

 

[Doozer61]

thanks, bg.

caron and i have known each other for almost 5 years. we have been dating almost a year. but there was the whole "coming out" thing for caron too. and we only told sarah in november.

however, all the behavior and moodiness, etc. was already there.

and the possibility of manic depression and bi-polar are being brought up to her therapist.

 

[Liesje]

i totally understand. we have discussed ADHD, manic depressive and now, possibly bi-polar.

Even if there's nothing wrong with her, as a parent, it's Caron's responsiblity to do what's best for her even if that means more conflict than just letting her have her own way. Honestly, it doesn't *sound* like she's manic depressive/bi-polar from your posts. It sounds like she just has an attitude and a lot of self-confidence issues, which are normal for teens, but shouldn't be left alone. This boy I took care of...he was just different. You could tell that there was something wrong with him. For a healthy 6 year old to have no joy was terrible to watch.

 

[Doozer61]

I agree and I would hate to jump to a medical conclusion if all this is is just teenage rebellion, etc.

 

[Liesje]

I agree and I would hate to jump to a medical conclusion if all this is is just teenage rebellion, etc.

Yes, and even if it IS a medical condition, that still doesn't mean her behavior is excused or acceptable, it only offers an explanation.

 

[martha]

I agree and I would hate to jump to a medical conclusion if all this is is just teenage rebellion, etc.

But a medical condition must be seriously considered, and then either treated or ruled out. I've seen SO MANY kids with genuine medical issues disciplined for something that's essentially not their fault. Privacy laws and professional rules mean I can't say anymore, but chemical imbalances are treatable. They jusy have to be found and admitted to.

 

[For Honor]

yeah, medical is a tough way to go.... if you do go, get the best opinions possible, as in, someone who is not afraid to say "no, she doens't need this". (I don't need to say it, but a lot of doctors see it as easy money to get someone taking some pills....)


I'm sorry to hear that her father doesn't care about her.


I'm sure it's out of the question, but if they could somehow get him involved that would obviously be a step in the right direction. But that's easy for me to say.


I know what the answer is, but it's just not going to happen - everyone needs to grow up. The dad needs to care, the kid needs to stop being so selfish and be the hero and not the victem, and the mom needs to be strong.


It's so easy to say it, isn't it?

I'm sorry, that's no real help though. I guess I was just compelled to say it, even if it's just me ranting.


But maybe that would be a new approach, ask her to become the hero and let go of being the victem.

People have to be the hero of their own life...


keep fighting the good fight

 

[Doozer61]

thanks everyone for your thoughts. i appreciate all the input. and i am certainly giving everything some thought and opening up continuous dialogue with caron on this. right now, we are in a calm but who knows when the storm will hit again.

 

[For Honor]

Best of luck to you

 

[Doozer61]

here's the latest, she wants to quit school and do home schooling like she did during the summer.

and she is totally envious of her friend whose mom doesn't make her go to school when she doesn't feel like it.

caron's response "have you lost your mind?"

 

[For Honor]

whenever she says "well my friends mom...." or whatever, just tell her to stay on topic.

her friends are irrelevant.


Why does she want to drop out of school?
Is it a place where she doesn't feel comfortable anymore?


No matter what, she's got to stop thinking about herself.
The root of all problems is perspective, and what you think about your problem.


Maybe she needs to understand how lucky she is that she can go to school, and that she does have "friends" (if they are real friends, I don't know), or that her mother cares about her, and that her mother is working hard for her, and that you, yourself, care about her.


A lot of kids don't have any of those things.



A lot of kids don't have anyone who cares about them at all.

And for a lot of kids, no matter how much trouble they cause, or how radical they act, or rules they break, or how hard they push...

they don't get any attention, they don't get any counseling, they don't get a sense of involvement that comes from causing problems- they get nothing, because, for a lot of kids, no matter how much of a commotion they cause, nobody around them cares enough to listen. A lot of kids don't have people who want them to be successful in life. A lot of kids don't have anyone. But is fortunate in that she does.



That child is very lucky, and I don't think she understands that.