Should I be upset?

[AttnKleinkind]

I feel like this shouldn't be a big deal...but my significant other has just told me that they've been looking at porn. I mean, I know lots of people do it, but for some reason it really bothered me and I got really defensive. It just made me feel really insecure and like "Well what's wrong with me?"

So...has anyone else dealt with this?

I feel like I'm being oversensitive...but I also can't help the way I react, can I?

 

[UberBeaver]

Don't look at porn as a subsititute. It's an enhancer and/or educational tool. Don't sweat it.

 

[martha]

I feel like I'm being oversensitive...but I also can't help the way I react, can I?

Yes, you can help the way you react. You can be hurt, but your reaction is your choice.

It depends on how much porn, what kind of porn, and why he's looking at it.

If it's occasional, with consenting adults, then I wouldn't worry about it all that much.

 

[redhotswami]

Hey, well now you can help yourself to some without feeling guilty

Okay but seriously, just talk to him about it. You can ask why, and you can tell him how it makes you feel and why. I'm sure you two can come to some sort of understanding.

 

[Lancemc]

*sigh* We men watch porn. I don't even think it's a voluntary thing, haha, like it's in our genetics or something.

But seriously, unless it's really freaky stuff he's looking at, there's nothing to worry about. I can almost gaurantee it specifically doesn't imply anything wrong with your relationship. For guys, watching porn is like watching football.

 

[redkat]

*sigh* We men watch porn. I don't even think it's a voluntary thing, haha, like it's in our genetics or something.

But seriously, unless it's really freaky stuff he's looking at, there's nothing to worry about. I can almost gaurantee it specifically doesn't imply anything wrong with your relationship. For guys, watching porn is like watching football.

I've finally realized this

unless it's extreme in content or the amount of time he spends... it's normal.

 

[U2Man]

For guys, watching porn is like watching football.

really?

 

[Lancemc]

really?

Actually no. That would be quite weird. I don't usually order pizza before watching porn.

 

[pepokiss]

Actually no. That would be quite weird. I don't usually order pizza before watching porn.

but you could still ORDER something....



CA-SHIN!!!!!

 

[BonosBaby12]

I would have a talk with your significant other about how you feel. Personally I wouldn't be too upset by it unless it was putting a strain on our relationship. Would rather have him check out porn rather then going out and do something with another girl.

 

[starsgoblue]

I guess my question would be is whether or not your sex/romantic life was subpar before you found out about this? I mean, if your SO is viewing porn in substitution of intimacy with you or can't function sexually without it then there could potentially be a problem.

If everything was fine and you just found out this is something 'extracurricular', it may be different story. But again, I don't know the context of your relationship with regards to this...

 

[Bonochick]

I think it's different for each relationship...and how it personally affects yours. Like, I wouldn't care if my significant other looked, but if he became consumed with it and started ignoring me, then there would be an issue.

Oh, and I also tell him he can't do that stuff on the computer, because I don't want my computer getting all jacked up with spyware and pop-ups and crud.

 

[Screwtape2]

Perhaps the two of you should watch or look at the kind of pornograhy he is viewing, together. It could simply be that he is simply being a man like Lancemc said. However it could be a reflection of something he feels is missing or lost in your relationship and not simply of the sexual nature. A man isn't meant to be with a single lover by the laws of nature. So sexual urges towards a different person or independence issues are not uncommon and simply natural. Again it could be nothing but in case there is a deeper emotional issue that is causing it you really should look into it. If it is bothering you then maybe that's a sign that you should really pay attention to this. Just a thought.

 

[Sicy]

I think it's different for each relationship...and how it personally affects yours. Like, I wouldn't care if my significant other looked, but if he became consumed with it and started ignoring me, then there would be an issue.

I have come to realize in my wiser adult years that yes, men like porn. It's part of being a man.. something in their brain I guess but doesnt necessarily mean that they love you any less or find you any less attractive.