Thankyou
starsgoblue said:
I say this lovingly but I really want to kick both your asses right now.
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I'm going to tell you a story dear to me.
It is the living testment that personality matters. I say this with sincerity and respect for the person invovled - a dear friend of mine, one of my closest in high school.
When he was a freshman, he had a bad case of acne. Now, you may say that girls in highschool are rather superficial as it is. But don't worry about the setting, that's irrelevant, honestly. This friend of mine really wasn't bad looking, though. He just had a few pimples, etc, you know. Some days were worse than others. But, unfortunately, during that time, and we've talked about this so I know, during that time, and the surrounding few years, he really got to loose his self esteem, and became rather quiet, shy, and reserved.
Now, as highschool went on, his acne cleared up. He used to think that girls looked at him, starred, because of his acne. (Though, as I tried to explain to him, it was because he WAS good looking) And he was. As much as girls looked at him, or made attempts at conversations, he denied it, and refused it. He thought that he was ugly.
But like I said, over the years his acne cleared up, and he actually turned into one of the better looking guys in the school. He wasn't tall, or muscular either. Kind of below average build, but very handsome in the face, which girls liked a lot. And he was a nice guy, too, though quiet. Anyways, as the story goes on...
In his senior year, he was doing better.
But.... there was something missing.
Arguably one of the most handsome guys in the school, with his face, and how he wore his hair, everyone always wondered why he didn't have a girlfriend. UNfortunately, I knew the answer. I tried to work on it with him, but... well, he never had a girlfriend.
The point I'm getting at is, it was all in his head.
He kept thinking he was ugly. He told me all the time about how he didn't like his looks, and didn't think girls were looking at him, or when they did, they were laughing at him. He told me about this 'fat guy' who talked with all the hot girls in his math class, and he felt like shit about it, because he always wondered "what does he have that I don't???"
The answer, which I tried to reveal to my friend, was personality, charm, and confidence.
But he didn't get it. He was caught in his gloom of slef doubt and pity. One of the handsomest faces a guy could have, but he was scarred. And not physically from his acne, but mentally and emotionally. He never really got over it. He never put himself out there, he always doubted.
And we tried setting him up more than once, but..... he always took it as an insult, or more so, he didn't even give them a chance. Basically, he was really acting like a baby about it, and getting really immature, blaming his "bad looks" for everything, his lack of relationships on other stuff, and it was just.... kind of frustrating.
The lesson here is.... looks don't mean jack shit.
If you are not confident, the only thing you;ll get is pity.
If you are a jackass who looks good, then yeah, you get a lot of slack. Just like good looking girls who are brats.
But for guys... it's important that you feel good about yourself. It doesn't mean that you've got to be extroverted and a social king. everyone has their authentic self to be.
Out of the many women he's come into contact with, he's never had a kiss, non the less a relationship. He's getting better as he grows older, but.... the real issue is his internal weakness. He's acting like a baby, a boy instead of a man. HIding behind his illusion of "bad looks". But really, he just doesn't want to face change, he is afraid of it. He's used to how people treat him, and it's easier to stay in the same course (Newton's first law, right?).
But he's... hiding. I know what it's like because i've been there, but he just doesn't want to grow up, out of it. He's comforable in his self pity. And that is what is repelling women. It's repelling me, too. No one wants to hang around a bag of "sorry", apologies, and excuses. And his..... self doubt is drowning all his good qualities - humor, artistic, caring, loyal, dutiful, etc.
He's doing the exact opposite of what he should be - dwelling on the negative, instead of highlighting the positive.
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Once again, my statement is that looks are not essential, and personality is important.
If that is not your strength, then don't show it off, show off something else.
But if you have no self confidence, no self esteem, and no self respect, then you've got nothing. If you don't have any of that from yourself, how can you expect if from anyone else?
Esteem, confidence, and respect