please give me a good reason to live

[Red Ships of Scalla-Festa]

Suicide: A permanent solution to a temporary problem.

agreed.

 

[mcranston]

I wont trivialize your problems by saying 'well, other people have it worse',

disclaimer: these are merely my thoughts, not advice

That is my mentality. I live in Toronto in a good neighbourhood, go to a good school, and get food. Of course I get depressed and sad sometimes, but I never give sympathy to myself nor do I expect it from others. If you do have food and shelter, you're half way there. We all know that there are countries torn by war and hunger that have nothing. In that context, we have to be grateful. However it happened, the odds are that anyone with a computer able to use the internet has access to basic necessities (food, shelter, etc.) is lucky so we should be partly grateful. Trust me when I say I'm not this joyful life-preacher, but that's my mentality on life. I found that having those thoughts helps relieve a lot potential depression.

I basically started feeling that way after I downloaded this U2 show on Sept.23, 1997 in Sarajevo (in Bosnia & Herezgovina). They did the show for Sarajevo because the whole (former) country of Yugoslavia was torn apart by war. I started looking into the Yugoslavian war more, I basically realized that I have to be happy with my surroundings cause I am lucky.

While I realize that depression can be a deadly thing, it can be overcome with great ease. To say "nobody cares about me" is ridiculous, I can't sympathize with that. Everyone has someone.

 

[The_Sweetest_Thing]

sorry to interrupt...MCranston, how's it going? Are you going to see Coldplay on Wednesday? Guess who?

 

[U2zoogirl]

hi again...

I have food , I have a house, I go to college every day... but I feel a hole that won't be filled with meals or education.... I have lost most important things... my faith, my reason to be here, and I try every morning to find them...

You say that I must be happy because I have so many things that others don't... I know I'm lucky in that way ( in fact we are in war too) but I'm looking for something more... inside of me.

 

[oliveu2cm]

hi again...

I have food , I have a house, I go to college every day... but I feel a hole that won't be filled with meals or education.... I have lost most important things... my faith, my reason to be here, and I try every morning to find them...

You say that I must be happy because I have so many things that others don't... I know I'm lucky in that way ( in fact we are in war too) but I'm looking for something more... inside of me.

I think that even though others have less than us, some much less, it is still okay to be upset with things in our lives. Being upset doesn't mean we are ungrateful for the things we have. While meals and shelter will satisfy our basic human needs, sometimes our other needs require more attention and fulfillment, and a lack of fulfillment leads to dissatisfaction and turmoil. I know where U2ZooGirl is coming from as I'm sure many others here do too.

I don't think the fulfillment can be found in an outside source, I agree with U2ZooGirl that it must be found inside. Wether you connect into a faith that is inside of you or have an "Ah-ha!" moment where you realize what you need to do, or even if it is simply getting up every day and giving life your best shot, it is something we all personally have to do, no one can do it for us. That can be intimidating, but I personally manage with the help of my faith.

U2ZooGirl, I encourage you to visit The Goal Is Soul forum here if you have any faith questions/complaints/comments. People there are very good at talking about that sort of stuff.

 

[diamond]

this is a brilliant thread w marvelous posts..

Hope its getting better for you Zoogirl.

diamond

 

[mcranston]

sorry to interrupt...MCranston, how's it going? Are you going to see Coldplay on Wednesday? Guess who?

Hey Janine! How's it going? Yep I'm seeing Coldplay. I assume you are too?

Well inner happiness is very difficult to find. I haven't read this whole thread so I can't comment too confidently ... but my point is that depression is okay. You don't have to be happy (I never said just because you have food you have to be happy). My point is (like I said I havent completely read this whole thread) that measures such as suicide as very extreme considering all the good things we have in life.

And as far as the war comment ... that was just an example. I was referring to places such as the Congo where people fear for their lives everyday. While the U.S. is at war, Americans don't fear for their lives from Iraqis'.

 

[najeena]

My Mom died that way, U2zoogirl. You don't want to do that to the people who care about you.

 

[mmmBono]

najeena
I'm sorry about your mom.
U2zoogirl...if you were wondering about the fact if you had friends...just this thread alone proves that you do. Please know that we are all here for you. Whenever you need to rant...we're here.
This is a wonderful thread...some great advice and love here. Just hiphop's advice alone was some pretty heavy yet simple advice. He offered some awesome insight in what we should do every day....good stuff hiphop!
U2zoogirl...I've been where you are now...MANY times before.
I left home at 18 during my last year of highschool...I had no choice but to leave. My parents were( and still are) over-the-top religious freaks that let themselves get way out of control. If you need an example of how extreme they were (and still are), here's a good one. How about being hit over and over again in the head while saying "Jesus, get the demons out!!" ? That's right. They were basically trying to perform an exorcism on me because I disagreed with them on something to do with the bible. That's when I decided to leave and never go back. I had no where to go.
In fact, by the time I started university...I lived in 6 different places. No family connections. I was pretty much alone.
But I'm here. I'm okay. That was 13 years ago. I'm still here.
Whoever said to look at your situation right now and just say "It's just a moment...this time will pass" is so right.
My bad moment came and went. So I'm confident yours will too, it will pass.
You have your mom...lean on her...and hang in there, girl

 

[diamond]

"please give me a good reason to live"

u have friends here..

 

[U2zoogirl]

Hello!

Thank you all for your replies again. (I don't know what to say but thank you ). Maybe I have to talk to some people I have problems with, But I'm soooo afraid, I'm just don't know where to start to.

Najeena, I'm sorry about your mom. Maybe I'm selfish, with myself and my parents, and I don't wanna hurt them.

Hi Cranston... Well, I'm not american, I'm from Colombia, and we don't fear for our lives from Irak, We fear for our lives from the terrorists and guerrilla.

lorena

 

[mcranston]

Hi Cranston... Well, I'm not american, I'm from Colombia, and we don't fear for our lives from Irak, We fear for our lives from the terrorists and guerrilla.

lorena

point taken! I didnt see you lived there.

But like someone said above, the amount of pain that suicide coudl potentially cause a loved one is astronomical. You said yourself that you wouldn't want to hurt your mom.

 

[oliveu2cm]

mmmBono. Wow.

 

[Sweet Tart]

Hello!

Thank you all for your replies again. (I don't know what to say but thank you ). Maybe I have to talk to some people I have problems with, But I'm soooo afraid, I'm just don't know where to start to.

Najeena, I'm sorry about your mom. Maybe I'm selfish, with myself and my parents, and I don't wanna hurt them.

Hi Cranston... Well, I'm not american, I'm from Colombia, and we don't fear for our lives from Irak, We fear for our lives from the terrorists and guerrilla.

lorena

the more you pent up your feelings the worse things get. that's what i did cause i felt that i had no one to talk to about things or that if i did that no one would care. guess what?....i was wrong. when i finally opened up about my feelings i started to feel better. you obviously can't solve all problems that way but it's a start. people that your upset with won't know unless you tell them and maybe they are willing to change and if not than that's ok too. at least you let them know how you felt.

no one can solve your problems but you but that doesn't mean that you can't get some outside help. talk to your mom about things. mom's know you better than anyone else and they can be a great sounding board for problems. maybe you should also seek profesional help as well. if depression leads to suicidal thoughts than maybe a trained professional like a psychiatrist or a social worker would help give you some tools and strategies for dealing with your depression.

so...all i can say is hang in there, dont be afraid, and let people know how you feel so they can help you. stick with us cause in a few years when everything has passed you'll be glad you did and so will your friends and family.

good luck and take care.

 

[Danospano]

I don't know you, nor do I imagine I ever WILL know you, but I will tell you that you life is better than you think.

I'll bet you've heard that line time and time again, but right now it's coming from a dude who's been slightly bi-polar (The happy depressive) for his entire life, and knows that things could be worse. Trust me....go with me on this.

If you need to talk, here's my email: nealdy@hotmail.com

I won't be mushy or gushy. I'll be honest with you from a stranger's viewpoint. The reason I won't give you advice right now, is because I've got too much stuff to do. But if you really want me to cheer you up, email me....

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

That was SO WELL SAID Sweet Tart-great advice

Yes indeed, keeping your feelings pent up will only create a vicious cycle, and you can get into some very bad, self-destructive things as a result.

Good luck on your journey U2zoogirl-that's what it is, and I hope you can find the strength w/ in yourself, because it IS there, even though it feels for you right now that it isn't.

 

[U2zoogirl]

I was thinking... I always wanted to be smarter, prettier, to be acepted by other people. I feel that I have no place here, I'm not good enough for them (my family, my friends...). I want to share so many things with them, but they won't listen because I know they don't care about the things I do .

I'm a good student, but I'm not pretty or funny and I'm not too smart. sometimes I want to be like the others.

 

[hiphop]

Take a pen and write down the things you want to share. If you play any instrument, do a song. If you don?t play any instrument: go to learn it.

 

[Klaus]

U2zoogirl:

I hope you feel better allready. There are so many wonderful things out in this world waiting to be discovered by you, so many people you don't know yet which can become close friends..
Don't throw away that unique opertunity

Klaus

 

[Bono=Saint]

I understand your feeling.
Because I have same anguish of heart.
I don't have job,boyfriend,trust friends.
I was afraid pepole.
I thought ,they don't understand.(my family,friends...)
Always ....
But I met U2 song,changing my life a little.
My English not so well.And I started computer in March.
But I want to talk same thinking pepole.
So I made appeal this site last day.
They gave me precious advice.
They gave you,too.
When I was in sorrow,I always comes to my mind U2 lirics.
"Walk on,Electrical storm" etc...

I can't say well.
Sorry.

 

[HeartlandGirl]

I understand your feeling.
Because I have same anguish of heart.
I don't have job,boyfriend,trust friends.
I was afraid pepole.
I thought ,they don't understand.(my family,friends...)
Always ....
But I met U2 song,changing my life a little.
My English not so well.And I started computer in March.
But I want to talk same thinking pepole.
So I made appeal this site last day.
They gave me precious advice.
They gave you,too.
When I was in sorrow,I always comes to my mind U2 lirics.
"Walk on,Electrical storm" etc...

I can't say well.
Sorry.

Welcome to the board, Bono=Saint! I think your English is quite good. Better than my Japanese...

I know there have been times in my life where a song or an album was the only thing keeping me excited about living. Music inspires, especially U2's music. What you said is probably true for a lot of us.


Music can be a refuge.

 

[mmmBono]

mmmBono. Wow.

aww thanks
I'm okay now...I still don't talk to them...it's almost 14 years now. I think I'm much better off without them....sad but true.

 

[oliveu2cm]

aww thanks
I'm okay now...I still don't talk to them...it's almost 14 years now. I think I'm much better off without them....sad but true.

I'm sorry to hear this. I know what you went through wasn't easy in the least. I've realized recently that there are such things as "soul families" which are people completley independent of biologial relations- and these people are who matter and truly care about you rather than fanatical beliefs that were used to "justify" disturbing behavior. ((Soul families/friends))

ugh.. anyway, sorry to go on. I was just taken aback by your post and can't imagine that! I hope they didn't leave a spiritual scar on you & I think it's pretty great you got out & found yourself!

 

[U2zoogirl]

mmmmbono...

I want to be stronger... like you, It was hard, but you did something to make the difference, to be happier and find yourself. I have to make my own choices now and things are changing for me, I guess... If everything goes fine I'll get a job as an Illustrator in a publishing house, and I'll do my best...

wish me luck

bye

Lorena

 

[mmmBono]

I'm sorry to hear this. I know what you went through wasn't easy in the least. I've realized recently that there are such things as "soul families" which are people completley independent of biologial relations- and these people are who matter and truly care about you rather than fanatical beliefs that were used to "justify" disturbing behavior. ((Soul families/friends))

ugh.. anyway, sorry to go on. I was just taken aback by your post and can't imagine that! I hope they didn't leave a spiritual scar on you & I think it's pretty great you got out & found yourself!

no need to apologize! You're Carrie, aren't you? I remember that there's 2 Carries here (atleast) I know HelloAngel is one of them...well if you're Carrie...hi Carrie It's Autumn.
Luckily I have found soul families since departing my own. I think that without these "soul families", I don't think I would be where I am today. You are so right about what you said here.
Thanks for all the encouraging and kind words...I think I've found myself...although I think it's natural to be full of doubt from time to time. Yes...it was excrutiatingly difficult what I went through...at times I took the blame for their obsessive and fanatical behaviour...like *maybe it was me*, etc. etc... now I know not only did it have NOTHING to do with me, but also that I had NO control over what had happened. Acceptance of this was truly the hardest part. Only recently have I come to this realization.
You brought up the point about spiritual scars....I dunno if I would say I'm completely without them....you tend to never forget when something like this has happened to yourself....I don't dwell on it...but it is there in the back of my mind.
I also, after all this, want nothing to do with anything associated with religion. I even cringe to go into a church...even if it's for a wedding. So that may be a spiritual scar.

 

[daafish]

mmmmbono...

I want to be stronger... like you, It was hard, but you did something to make the difference, to be happier and find yourself. I have to make my own choices now and things are changing for me, I guess... If everything goes fine I'll get a job as an Illustrator in a publishing house, and I'll do my best...

wish me luck

bye

Lorena

An Illustrator? any chance we can see some of your work? The world needs artists. Hang in there girl!

 

[ABEL]

I'd like to see some of your work sometime too, u2zoogirl

 

[a-mole]

hey
I am sorry.. I haven't read all the replies... I just wanted to say.. if your boyfriend doesn't treat you well, and makes you feel bad.. well
try to think about if you really need him, when it makes oyu miserable

also.. people... if you like and have time.. why not join a sports team, or a course where you learn new stuff (creative things or so) or just can enjoy hobbies you have
great way of meeting new people and getting some fresh wind in your environment

I am relly sorry to hear you fel so bad,
I know my advices / post wasn't very indepth and maybe a bit superficial..
but I just thought you could actually like one of those ideas

 

[oliveu2cm]

no need to apologize! You're Carrie, aren't you? I remember that there's 2 Carries here (atleast) I know HelloAngel is one of them...well if you're Carrie...hi Carrie It's Autumn.
Luckily I have found soul families since departing my own. I think that without these "soul families", I don't think I would be where I am today. You are so right about what you said here.
Thanks for all the encouraging and kind words...I think I've found myself...although I think it's natural to be full of doubt from time to time. Yes...it was excrutiatingly difficult what I went through...at times I took the blame for their obsessive and fanatical behaviour...like *maybe it was me*, etc. etc... now I know not only did it have NOTHING to do with me, but also that I had NO control over what had happened. Acceptance of this was truly the hardest part. Only recently have I come to this realization.
You brought up the point about spiritual scars....I dunno if I would say I'm completely without them....you tend to never forget when something like this has happened to yourself....I don't dwell on it...but it is there in the back of my mind.
I also, after all this, want nothing to do with anything associated with religion. I even cringe to go into a church...even if it's for a wedding. So that may be a spiritual scar.

Hi Autumn! Yep, I'm Carrie

Well, I was just amazed, impressed (..you know what I mean) by your story! It's so funny(more like ironic) how people take something so good & pure (faith/love) and bastardize it into something quite the opposite. Instead of encouraging love it breeds unfamiliarity & anger. But you are so right about it not being your fault. I'm glad you've found soul families & friends who can show you real love- and how I believe God meant familes to be. (And for what I know, I can't help but think He'd be pissed at how you were treated!!!)

lol now that i've hijacked this thread..
talk to u soon!
Carrie