On marriage and children and age

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clarityat3am

clarityat3am

I Serve Larry's Stick
Joined
Feb 5, 2001
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I'll be 30 next month. :ohmy: I've been thinking a lot more lately about having children after I get married. This is a strange feeling as I've never ever wanted kids. That has a lot to do with the fact that I'm now in a relationship where I feel completely at ease and, frankly, like we belong together. I know that I won't have to look for anyone else. At any rate, I feel that biological clock ticking, and loudly. Even if we get married in the next couple of years, which would put me at 32ish, I still get this feeling as if I'll be old and haggard when my kids finally grow up and move out. I guess I just don't want to be an "old" parent. I dunno.

I was curious to know at what age you got married and had kids and if maybe I just need to stop thinking so much. :uhoh:
 
Well, you're one step ahead of me. I'm almost 35 and still on the fence about the whole thing. I wish I could just DECIDE one way or the other! :sigh:
 
Oh I didn't meet him online. This was the old/new fashioned met him in person and asked him out myself. It hasn't been long, but I'll tell you, it's not like any other relationship I've been in. I never knew it could be so good. :love:
 
Two is my limit. I already told him that. I don't really see myself only having one though. I still feel like I'm about to fall over the edge and feel like I'm too old. :|
 
congratulations on your upcoming engagement. :D

i'm almost 28 and still single so the prospects of me getting married and having kids at a reasonable age is slowly slipping away. Not like i want one anytime soon cause i'm so not ready for that. :shifty: i can't even take care of myself on a day to day basis. :huh: but if i was lucky enough to find Mr. Right and get married i would like 2 kids. although at the rate i'm going i will probabaly be 70 by the time the kids graduate and leave the house. :ohmy:
 
clarityat3am said:
Even if we get married in the next couple of years, which would put me at 32ish, I still get this feeling as if I'll be old and haggard when my kids finally grow up and move out. I guess I just don't want to be an "old" parent. I dunno.

I was curious to know at what age you got married and had kids and if maybe I just need to stop thinking so much. :uhoh:
Click to expand...

I was 32 and my wife was 30 when we got married. We had kids a couple of years latter, and speaking for myself and from a man's perspective, I'm glad I didn't waited both to get married and have kids.

Although it takes energy to raise kids, it also take maturity and wisdom which comes with age (not that I have tons of either, just more than I did in my twenties). Most of the other parents we've met along the way because our kids play together are in the same boat, even if they married in their twenties they didn't start having kids until their 30's. One of my best friends who had kids and got married young and in that order said he felt out of place around other parents because they were so much older than him.

I wouldn't say don't think about this stuff or talk about it with your future fiance, I would just caution you not to obsess over it. Relax, enjoy where you are together, planning for a wedding is stressful enough.
 
From what I've seen.... 30-early 30s seems the most common age nowadays that women are starting to have children. You've got plenty of time IMO.
 
got married a month shy of my 26th birthday
had my son a month shy of my 29th birthday

but that's just me

everyone's clock is different

as was mentioned above, relax and enjoy where you are at the moment...that's good advice......I should use it too.:wink:
 
I'm 28, been married 6 years, and am in no hurry to have kids. When people ask me when we're having kids, I've always said, "Maybe in 10 years". So maybe when we're 40 and if we feel ready, we can adopt.
 
I don't think you need to worry about running out of time at all! 30 is still so young! I would say the majority of new parents these days are in their 30's, so you will be no different to most parents! My mum had me at 33 (I was her fourth), and I am now 24. I don't think of my mum as an 'old' mum at all!

I am married with 3 kids. I had my first at 18 and my 3rd at 21. I am happy with the age I had my kids, but it isn't for everyone. If I still didn't have kids at 30 though, I don't think I would be too worried about it!
 
When we got married, i was 23, husband 24. We had our daughter 1 year later , and our son at 26. For us i think it was great, we had the kids young but on the other hand it did not leave much time for us to really get to know each other!
We have both decided not to have any more children, we both really enjoy the stage that they are at now, and we would like to travel when the kids are older, probably when we are in our 40-50's.
But the general concensus is i believe, that anytime is a good time it all works out in the end!
 
You've got to consider what a later pregnancy will do to your body as with age comes an increase in caesars which plain and simply major abdominal surgery and then lessen the odds of more successful pregnancies with each one you have. After one, your odds of needing another are increased but you face a weakened uterine wall and the scar not holding up if it is not cut out on #2. People seem to prefer waiting til their 30s these days, but it comes at a price.

I am in the obvious minority which believes there is not an abundance of time and as time passes the risks increase and it becomes more difficult.
 
The age has been pushed back in large part because women are electing to stay in school longer, get multiple degrees, or want to establish themselves in their career. Those are all things that you have to consider for yourself individually.

IMO, it's better to wait until you are sure you want a child than to have one early just for the sake of pumping it out at a younger age.
 
I didn't suggest anyone has a child early just for the sake of pumping it out at a young age. If someone wants to have children, then they need to be aware and learned on what it entails and that includes the impact age has.
To not do so is idiotic, IMO - which I am not suggesting is happening in here.
 
Was married at 23. (My wife was 19.)

We had our first when I was 26...just two months shy of my 27th birthday.

I think it's all in how you look at it. If you find The One, that makes a big difference. It cracks me up when people get all principled about it -- because it doesn't really work that way... neither does having kids. I know a few parents who really planned out having the kid -- but I think most times it winds up being at least something of a pleasant surprise...
 
While it's true that with age come certain drawbacks, medically speaking, it's really after 35 that we start seeing significant increases. Women in their early 30s are statistically no worse off having a child than somebody who is 28.
 
Angela Harlem said:
You've got to consider what a later pregnancy will do to your body as with age comes an increase in caesars which plain and simply major abdominal surgery and then lessen the odds of more successful pregnancies with each one you have. After one, your odds of needing another are increased but you face a weakened uterine wall and the scar not holding up if it is not cut out on #2. People seem to prefer waiting til their 30s these days, but it comes at a price.

I am in the obvious minority which believes there is not an abundance of time and as time passes the risks increase and it becomes more difficult.
Click to expand...

You never can tell, though. I had a c-section at 21. While there might be increased risk with age, problems with pregnancy can happen to the young, as well.
 
VintagePunk said:


You never can tell, though. I had a c-section at 21. While there might be increased risk with age, problems with pregnancy can happen to the young, as well.
Click to expand...

True.

I have an aunt (who I take care of) and a cousin, both with down's syndrome. My aunt's mum (my maternal grandmother) was 42 when she had the baby. Very typical.

My cousin's mum, however, was only in her early twenties when she had my cousin. That's not typical.

Shit can happen. At any age. Whatever you do, realise that.
 
indra said:


True.

I have an aunt (who I take care of) and a cousin, both with down's syndrome. My aunt's mum (my maternal grandmother) was 42 when she had the baby. Very typical.

My cousin's mum, however, was only in her early twenties when she had my cousin. That's not typical.

Shit can happen. At any age. Whatever you do, realise that.
Click to expand...

Again, here's something else to think of - my mom had me when she was 40, back in the day when 40 was ancient as far as childbearing went. Said her sisters were horrified, and practically had me institutionalized before I was born. But I turned out okay.

Relatively speaking, that is. :wink:
 
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