Nice Guys

The friendliest place on the web for anyone that follows U2.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
See posts with no answers
The Hell with Nice Guys. I'd rather be a Good Guy. A good guy will care, but he won't allow himself to get shit on.

Right now, I don't know what the Hell I am. :huh: :doh:
 
Now I love looking at bad boys, all the tattooed skinhead, longhaired arrogant tossers who wear everyfuking clothes label under the sun and wear sunglasses inside places. they look so hot, and sure as hell you are guaranteed they date chicks that wear a short dress 24/7 and who looks close to heck like Megan Fox.......

then there are bad boy lookers who have a softer heart.

I have never been lucky to date a bad boy thou. however, having exp the arrogance of couple of hot bad boys in a social circle, I would def NOT wanna date one.



But I love a good quiet guy who curses.......I think that THAT is a lot sweeter. :up:
 
I think the same can go for women too. There's "Nice Women" who fit the same criteria...clingy, laughing at every joke, needy, etc. It's not just men who fit the criteria listed in the article.

That being said, as a girl who dates men, the "nice guy" thing is sometimes a cover up, like the article says, for a lot of issues. I've experienced this one too many times. He's a really awesome guy but he can't form a coherent sentence in your presence type thing. It makes me feel like a heel when I have to break it off, because I'm sure he would be a great guy, if he'd talk.

I guess I like a nice guy with a bit of piss & vinegar. And talking helps...
 
I find myself agreeing with a lot of this article on nice guys. Not all of it was true for my last relationship which lasted a year and a half... and in fact it seems she was the clingy one to begin with and then everything reversed upon itself so by the end I did put her on a pedestal and ended up getting hurt.
 
That is totally me. I am a nice guy. I would treat a woman like a queen. I would do everything to make her happy. At the same time, I have low self-esteem, no self-confidence and highly insecure.

I am the epitome of a nice guy. But it doesn't matter, because I will be single and lonely forever.
 
mad1 said:
Now I love looking at bad boys, all the tattooed skinhead, longhaired arrogant tossers who wear everyfuking clothes label under the sun and wear sunglasses inside places. they look so hot, and sure as hell you are guaranteed they date chicks that wear a short dress 24/7 and who looks close to heck like Megan Fox.......
Click to expand...

To me, this sounds like the description of world's tackiest couple. :lol:
 
joerags said:
That is totally me. I am a nice guy. I would treat a woman like a queen. I would do everything to make her happy. At the same time, I have low self-esteem, no self-confidence and highly insecure.

I am the epitome of a nice guy. But it doesn't matter, because I will be single and lonely forever.
Click to expand...

You are being simultaneously too hard and too easy on yourself.

What practical steps have you taken to change your situation?

Set yourself targets for the next month, for example

(1) I will initiate x number of conversations with women
(2) I will ask a subset of the above for their phone numbers
(3) I will take up new hobby or try something I haven't tried before.

Get some randomness going in your life. Have an adventure. Get comfortable in your own skin again, because you are not two-dimensional, you are not 'too old' or whatever despairing put-down you're using for yourself this week.

Success is not always immediate, but bear in mind the Casanova types you envy get knocked down all the time.
 
joerags said:
That is totally me. I am a nice guy. I would treat a woman like a queen. I would do everything to make her happy. At the same time, I have low self-esteem, no self-confidence and highly insecure.

I am the epitome of a nice guy. But it doesn't matter, because I will be single and lonely forever.
Click to expand...

I think you shouldn't be so negative about the future. Who knows what life has in store for you? Have a little more faith in yourself :)
 
joerags said:
That is totally me. I am a nice guy. I would treat a woman like a queen. I would do everything to make her happy. At the same time, I have low self-esteem, no self-confidence and highly insecure.

I am the epitome of a nice guy. But it doesn't matter, because I will be single and lonely forever.
Click to expand...


learn guitar. that might help.

just dont make the same mistake i did and learn music most girls dont know and/or dont give a shit about :lol:
 
joerags said:
That is totally me. I am a nice guy. I would treat a woman like a queen. I would do everything to make her happy. At the same time, I have low self-esteem, no self-confidence and highly insecure.

I am the epitome of a nice guy. But it doesn't matter, because I will be single and lonely forever.
Click to expand...

I mentioned a movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but for you I think you should see Groundhog Day with Bill Murray.

The character is always giving too much attention towards women and appearing thick and needy. Then he decides to just live his life and develop skills and treat people nice (nice guys do have their positives) and have a good time single. At this point the woman he likes starts being attracted to him because he's nonchalant, self-improving, mentally stable, relaxed and happy.

I think most people eventually figure out (men or women) that you have to be okay with yourself before anyone else will be okay with you.
 
purpleoscar said:
I think most people eventually figure out (men or women) that you have to be okay with yourself before anyone else will be okay with you.
Click to expand...

i've read that a lot of times before, and it does make sense. i mean that sort of "law of attraction" stuff has been written about in a billion different ways (and made a lot of smart manipulative types a lot of money when they rebranded it as The Secret) but i think it's a process that can take a long time for some people i guess. i'm only 19.
 
Yeah it makes a lot of sense. I've experienced it myself too and once I started to gain confidence in myself others started to talk to me more and I've become more social, got more friends and such.
 
Galeongirl said:
Yeah it makes a lot of sense. I've experienced it myself too and once I started to gain confidence in myself others started to talk to me more and I've become more social, got more friends and such.
Click to expand...

It's all those micro-facial expressions and body language signals we send to others that people can read very quickly. Psychologists have also studied moods and found that if you are in a negative or positive mood you actually have an effect on others that are there to witness your moods which is why it's important to have good family and friend relationships and to have work environments that are less toxic. Choosing employment based on networking and people is often more important than company names or salary. Also choosing relationships less on looks and more on comfort and ease of being yourself will lead to a more peaceful life. It's so important because stress wears you out and shortens your lifespan.

cobl04 said:
i've read that a lot of times before, and it does make sense. i mean that sort of "law of attraction" stuff has been written about in a billion different ways (and made a lot of smart manipulative types a lot of money when they rebranded it as The Secret) but i think it's a process that can take a long time for some people i guess. i'm only 19.
Click to expand...

Yeah I agree. There's lots of Tony Robbins etc exploitation out there. After studying Buddhism you could see Buddhist and Hindu ideas being watered down and spread to books just ripping it off. It's better to study world religions and psychology on your own and make up your mind what is applicable to your life and what is dogma. The problem with those lame books is that they make promises about your great life when there are many contingent elements (accidents, disease, war) that can interfere.

The "secret" I learned from my reading philosophy is that everyone has a mental self-image and most prayer or meditation practices are to help people to stop ruminating about self-image because self-grasping is usually where emotional unhappiness lies. This is in regards to expectations from others and yours on your image and comparing to another's perceived image. These thought habits we learned since we were kids can limit our choices and create delusional harm. When people identify with "I'm a doormat and nobody loves me" we shoot ourselves in the foot. When you learn to meditate and to accept impermanence of all things and your own death it frees you to tie a present moment to present moment on choices and action instead of dreaming in automatic pilot throughout the day. When you meditate you can see your mind wander to habitual thoughts and by training your mind (slowly over years) you can be more present and less self-conscious in your daily life. It's real hard work but the more you put into it the better. This is why those Tony Robbins books and others are so disappointing because they seem to offer quick fixs but as long as you're super egotistical and self-absorbed no book will help. Just practicing by tying the sensation of an inbreath and outbreath or how your feet feel while you walk to interrupt overly negative or overly positive thought patterns really eases the mind. Then when you get better at it you find it easier to do cognitive therapy on yourself because your concentration is so strong you can tell when you have an irrational thought and can discard it. When someone makes ridiculous judgments towards yourself you don't have to take it seriously because you've developed an emotionally independent mind.

This is why I like the Coen brothers movie A Serious Man and how it ends in black humor after the opening title card. All of us rich or poor can be like that character. The strength, or lack thereof, in a person comes from how you deal with tragedy and obstacles. If you identify a self-image to "I'm too nice a guy and wimpy" or "I'm God and everyone should love me" then you make yourself vulnerable to those obstacles you can't forsee. If you don't identify an image of self to a thought and then focus on present moment choices you're become free to decide what is a good long run self-interest that might take some pain to achieve versus short-term attractive choices that lead to paralysis, inaction, and pain in the long run. The trick is to catch our impulses before they turn to automatic pilot choices.
 
joerags said:
That is totally me. I am a nice guy. I would treat a woman like a queen. I would do everything to make her happy. At the same time, I have low self-esteem, no self-confidence and highly insecure.

I am the epitome of a nice guy. But it doesn't matter, because I will be single and lonely forever.
Click to expand...



see I can relate and I could say the same thing.

Im a nice girl, I havent met a guy. I too have low self-esteem, low confidence and very insecure. (hey, anyone from Temple Bar got mad at me for being negative, come round early 2009!)

I too feel like I will be single and lonely forever.



thank you and goodnite. :drool:
 
mad1, Joerags

You two should really take the time to get over whatever is holding you back from gaining self-esteem and confidence. Life is short and you can't let anything get in your way.

I'm not saying that to sound like a cheesy self-help book. I say that because the things you guys say remind a lot of what I used to say about myself. Up until a couple of years ago, I hated myself, thought I was unattractive and would end up being single forever. But then I got a grip and realized I couldn't live like that anymore. It was a combination of many things that made me decide to get my act together. Since then, I've been on dates, gained some friends and have a healthier view of myself. I still need to work on things, but I am a long way from where I used to be.

I'm just sticking my neck out like this to give you guys some inspiration. :hug:
 
mad1 said:
see I can relate and I could say the same thing.

Im a nice girl, I havent met a guy. I too have low self-esteem, low confidence and very insecure. (hey, anyone from Temple Bar got mad at me for being negative, come round early 2009!)

I too feel like I will be single and lonely forever.

thank you and goodnite. :drool:
Click to expand...


Can you clear your PM box Mad1. :reject:
 
mad1 said:
see I can relate and I could say the same thing.

Im a nice girl, I havent met a guy. I too have low self-esteem, low confidence and very insecure. (hey, anyone from Temple Bar got mad at me for being negative, come round early 2009!)

I too feel like I will be single and lonely forever.



thank you and goodnite. :drool:
Click to expand...

:hug: You're awesome, maddie.

Miss you! :kiss:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

MrsSpringsteen
Gilead States Of America
Replies
16
Views
872
MrsSpringsteen
MrsSpringsteen
Janet H
Forum Downtime - software update 1/23-24
Replies
13
Views
674
Headache in a Suitcase
Headache in a Suitcase
B
Can someone help me identify this U2 song? Has anyone else heard of this song?
Replies
14
Views
532
clerks
clerks
Headache in a Suitcase
  • Locked
  • Sticky
Reminder - Forum Downtime for Software Update Begins January 23, 2024.
Replies
0
Views
268
Headache in a Suitcase
Headache in a Suitcase
N
NBA 2023-24 Thread
10 11 12
Replies
332
Views
10K
gump
gump

Latest posts

Back
Top Bottom