My Parents' Marriage

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I didn't suggest you wanted to change either one of your parents, I said you can't change "it" meaning their relationship with each other. :wink: And detaching doesn't necessarily mean cutting either one of them off completely. It means not letting yourself feeling responsible for your mom's happiness or unhappiness, not obsessing over why she won't leave or your dad's behavior toward her. Those are things you can't change or control. I know it's hard, believe me. But the best thing you can do for yourself is live your own life and let them live theirs. :hug:


Exactly. Personally I could never live in a home with parents that are disrespectful to each other and themselves, so I would cut myself off, but what I mean is you can offer your mom help and make suggestions but if she refuses to listen to you or accept your help and make changes, you shouldn't let yourself feel responsible and let their relationship effect how you feel about men in general and effect your future relationships. Some people really are poisonous to others and need to be cut out or kept at a distance.
 
As for completely cutting them off, that would be hard because if I did, I know my sisters would be in my face about it.


I can understand why you want a relationship with your sisters because of the situation with your parents-but you can't live your life to please your sisters. Their reaction to your parents and to how you choose to deal with your parents is just that, theirs. If they're in denial about the situation that's not your fault or responsibility. Believe me, I know where you're coming from and it's a lot easier for people who haven't lived it to say what you should do. But you seem like a very good and decent person to me who deserves to be happy.
 
Honestly, my dad has soured me on guys in general. I seem to also attract guys like him. I really do fear relationships because I fear the guy being manipulative, controlling, etc. Sometimes I get into ones where the guy and I do nothing but compete on who can be the more domineering. Its not healthy, I know. I wonder if I'll ever have a healthy relationship.

Yeah, I can understand this. The reasons we are the way we are simple and not complicated. I think my parents' relationship is a factor in my lack of success in relationships thus far.
 
My parents' marriage has been a great example for me of the sort of marriage that I certainly do not want.

It is a difficult thing in the sense that they have both been wonderful parents, but in terms of marriage, my mother deserves about 10 times better than what she has. But these are choices that are not ours to make, and I've long ago made peace with hers.
 
I'm bumping up this thread because I just had a major blow-up with my dad. My therapist is on vacation, the only friend I really trust with family issues is MIA, and I don't know what else to do or where else to go.

The blow-up with my dad has made me really hate him. Literally. I want to get out of this apartment that I'm in now and never speak to him again, or even my mother because she's defending him now. But, I don't have a job, I'm on unemployment, and therefore, can't move out of the apartment that is part of my parents' house. So what do I do?

This may sound crazy, but is it possible to sue your parents for your inheritance? As in, get the court to tell your parents to hand over the money they had set aside for you? I feel that is the only way I can get away from my parents, particularly my dad.

Remember that song by Madonna, "Oh Father"? That pretty much sums up my relationship with my dad.
 
Pearl, this sounds like my life when I was growing up. I think some good suggestions have been made here, especially letting your mom know that you are aware of the situation and are there for her. :hug: :hug: to you, dear.
 
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This may sound crazy, but is it possible to sue your parents for your inheritance? As in, get the court to tell your parents to hand over the money they had set aside for you?

Not familiar with the law in your state but I would be shocked if this was possible. Your parents have no obligation to leave anything to you and as such I don't see how a court could compel them to give you a dime.
 
You're right, anitram. I was feeling furious when I posted that, and had irrational thoughts in my head.

Things have calmed down between my dad and I, so we're moving past this. But its just another moment to add to the long list of when my dad was not a good father at all. I don't mean to come across as childish and whiny, but our blowup was pretty bad and it sent me reeling.
 
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