My Mother is the Rudest Person Alive!!!!

[JCOSTER]

Re: Re: My Mother is the Rudest Person Alive!!!!

come on. it was a joke.

and if it wasnt, you should appreciate your mother's honesty.

Being told your real father doesn't want and left because of it is no joke. I could have dealt with a lie then.

Not knowing one side of your ancestory is no joke either.

Not knowing if the person standing next to you in a line or wherever is your younger brother or sister etc.

 

[Liesje]

Re: Re: My Mother is the Rudest Person Alive!!!!

come on. it was a joke.

and if it wasnt, you should appreciate your mother's honesty.

Gee, I wish I lived in a world where anything that might be hurtful is just a joke....

 

[indra]

I know family relationships are complicated (trust me I know), but I can't help but wonder why, if your mother is so hurtful to you and to your children, why you put up with her? You're an adult. You don't have to have anything to do with her any more. If she's such a complete bitch to your children and she's said things which have scarred you for life, sever contact with her. You are allowing her to continue to hurt you and your kids, and you have it within your power to stop it. You won't stop it by changing her, because she's not going to change. But you can stop it by not giving yourself or your children to her as targets.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Re: Re: My Mother is the Rudest Person Alive!!!!

come on. it was a joke.
and if it wasnt, you should appreciate your mother's honesty.

That's rude and unnecessary. Is that how you get your kicks around here? If you have nothing constructive to say, there's no reason to post here and hurt someone's feelings who is obviously already hurting.

 

[U2Man]

maybe jcoster's mother didnt mean to be as rude as it was perceived. things sometimes look much worse in print than when being said.

statements such as "you should have been a stain on a sheet", have been uttered in my family lots of time without causing hatred.

in the end, what matters isnt whether you were an "accident" or not, but if your mother loved and loves you, even if she can be toxic sometimes.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

But you're not inside her mother's head, and you're acting as if you are. What matters is what Jcoster is feeling about it, regardless of what her mother's intentions are. Intentions aside, you shouldn't be that hurtful to your kids period. There are tactful ways of saying things if you feel you have to say them.

Jcoster is looking for some support here, and what you said was inappropriate. If you meant at all to help her feel better, it certainly didn't come out right on the page or come across that way at all.

Just because things said in your family didn't hurt you or cause hatred, that doesn't mean jcoster should feel the same way and deal with it in the same way. We are all different and have differing sensitivities.

 

[JCOSTER]

 

[Angela Harlem]

maybe jcoster's mother didnt mean to be as rude as it was perceived. things sometimes look much worse in print than when being said.

statements such as "you should have been a stain on a sheet", have been uttered in my family lots of time without causing hatred.

in the end, what matters isnt whether you were an "accident" or not, but if your mother loved and loves you, even if she can be toxic sometimes.

each family has it's own unique dynamic. surely you know this.

i reckon everyone has issues in their family that cause some degree of major stress. glad you're taking your mum's words to heart, jcoster. i agree with (i think?) it was mrs s on the other page where she said we grow up to not owe them everything, or something similar. it was a great point. you're fabulous on your own right.

 

[Allanah]

maybe jcoster's mother didnt mean to be as rude as it was perceived. things sometimes look much worse in print than when being said.

While I will grant you that the intent of a message can sometimes get lost in print, this case is not one of them. JC asked her mom if she was happy she'd had her (and if I'm reading this correctly, she asked when she was around 7 years old.) Two things are implicit in that question: (1) She actually didn't know, which should tell you a lot about their relationship, and (2) she was looking for reassurance. The reply: "I wish you could have been aborted," is the most vicious, hurtful thing a parent could possibly say in response. To a small child, no less!

statements such as "you should have been a stain on a sheet", have been uttered in my family lots of time without causing hatred.

That sounds like a very nice family. But this isn't about you.

in the end, what matters isnt whether you were an "accident" or not, but if your mother loved and loves you, even if she can be toxic sometimes.

So she should overlook years of unwarranted verbal abuse because her mother loves her (which I'm not even sure she does)? Sorry, not buying it.

To echo a few other sentiments here, JC, you don't owe your mother a damn thing at this point. Next time she tries to pull that crap on you, tell her to stop. If she doesn't, leave. She'll get the message quickly.

 

[U2Man]

So she should overlook years of unwarranted verbal abuse because her mother loves her (which I'm not even sure she does)? Sorry, not buying it.

that wasnt what i said.

 

[Allanah]

You said that, in the end, what matters is that her mother loves her, even if she can be "a bit toxic." Which implies that the rudeness, bitchiness, and undermining behavior don't matter because she is loved. If her mother loves her, she needs to start acting like it, and her current behavior simply doesn't cut it.

Sorry to hijack your thread, JC, but I had to say something.

 

[JCOSTER]

Thank you everyone for your support. It really means alot.

 

[U2Man]

You said that, in the end, what matters is that her mother loves her, even if she can be "a bit toxic." Which implies that the rudeness, bitchiness, and undermining behavior don't matter because she is loved. If her mother loves her, she needs to start acting like it, and her current behavior simply doesn't cut it.

Sorry to hijack your thread, JC, but I had to say something.

no. what i implied was that you need to realize that we're all human and that no one is perfect - which means that your mother can love you, even though she's toxic (or brutally/unnecessarily/stupidly honest). some people are very clumsy in their way of expression.

jcoster, can you truly say that you cannot look back on anything positive, your mother has ever done for you?

 

[U2Girl1978]

I'm sorry JCoster for the pain your mom has brought on.

U2Man, what you are trying to say is that it's ok for someone to be emotionally abused? I certainly don't think so. It's not ok for someone to be mentally, emotionally or physically abused. I don't know how anyone can look past on being hurt by someone you love. I certainly wouldn't be able to deal with abuse of that kind. You don't say those things EVER to a kid or even now. It's not funny and can damage someone. I don't understand what you don't get about that.

I don't mean to derail this thread or call you out U2Man but seriously, JCoster is looking for support.

I don't mean to go on and on but I wanted to say something.

 

[U2Man]

U2Man, what you are trying to say is that it's ok for someone to be emotionally abused?

again no. but since when was the world or human beings perfect? some are more perfect than others and some are more toxic than others, yes. can anyone of you claim that you have never said anything hurtful to another human being, deliberately or not? i do think jcoster's mother is wrong in saying those things, but maybe it would be easier to handle her clumsy way of saying things if you felt that she loved you. i don't know if jcoster feels or have felt that, though, that's why i asked the question. whether we're talking about family or friends, we all say something stupid, hurtful sometimes - and a lot relationships would end pretty quick if we weren't able to forgive. as indra said, jcoster has to decide whether she can accept her mother's behaviour or not, and stop seeing her if she can't. however, since she is still seeing her mother, something tells me that she cannot be 100% evil.

 

[JCOSTER]

no. what i implied was that you need to realize that we're all human and that no one is perfect - which means that your mother can love you, even though she's toxic (or brutally/unnecessarily/stupidly honest). some people are very clumsy in their way of expression.

jcoster, can you truly say that you cannot look back on anything positive, your mother has ever done for you?

Sometimes when a person has thought they did their best doesn't mean it was. Their best is sometime not good enough.

One thing she did do for me is give me a wonderful brother who I adore and a great sense of humor, a sense of independence since I was on my own alot.

And no she is not 100% evil maybe 80% but the women has never supported anything I have done or said I was going to do and thinks her comments are "advice." She is my mother and I do love her for THAT.

My son recently wrote a paper for valentines day and said, I love my mom and dad because I like them.

 

[U2Man]

And no she is not 100% evil maybe 80% [...] She is my mother and I do love her for THAT.

does this mean that you can actually look back on something positive that your mother has done for you, something that shows that she had some kind of motherly love for you?

 

[Allanah]

My son recently wrote a paper for valentines day and said, I love my mom and dad because I like them.

Awww. How old is your son?

That seems to be the problem with family tension in general. You know, the whole "I love my mother/father/sister etc., but I don't really like them as people" thing. I thank my lucky stars that I not only get along fabulously with my parents, but we all actually like each other as well.

JC

Edit: Woohoo! My first post as a Premium Member!