My grandfather has passed away

[BonosBaby12]

So many of you Interference feel like another family to me. That is why I am sharing what has happened. Suddenly this morning my grandfather passed away. He was 82 but still it comes as a great shock to my family. His wife,my grandmother,is the only grandparent remaining now.

Must confess though that I have no idea at all with how to go about with coping. Is it wrong to want to feel some normalcy despite this tragedy? Realize that things will never be the same for quite some time. Just never had to deal with anything like this before and I feel so lost.

 

[girlhappy]

 

[BonosBaby12]

Thank you girl

 

[Carek1230]

Sorry to hear about your grandfather's passing. Our thoughts are with you and your family.

 

[TheBrush]

we all have different ways of coping or lack there of. Things will change after time.

Most of us have lost someone very dear to us in our lives.......And we are all here for you if you need to ask anything.

 

[indra]

So many of you Interference feel like another family to me. That is why I am sharing what has happened. Suddenly this morning my grandfather passed away. He was 82 but still it comes as a great shock to my family. His wife,my grandmother,is the only grandparent remaining now.

Must confess though that I have no idea at all with how to go about with coping. Is it wrong to want to feel some normalcy despite this tragedy? Realize that things will never be the same for quite some time. Just never had to deal with anything like this before and I feel so lost.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

No it's not wrong to want normalcy now, and don't make yourself not do things that you want to do at this time (or feel guilty if you do them). For instance if you want to go out with some friends to a show, do it. Don't sit at home just because you don't think it would look right or that you think you "should." You loved your grandparent -- you're grieving -- but it doesn't mean you stop living.

And yeah, the lost feeling....I always feel quite disconnected from everyone when someone close to me dies. That just takes a while.

 

[BonosBaby12]

Thank you so much everyone for your support This really means a lot to me. Helps a lot to be surrounded by those who have been through this before. At times he could be a very difficult person to be around. But he was my grandfather and I loved him very much despite all of that.

Indra you answered a question that I was really wondering about. If I would be wrong to want to do something that some may deem inappropiate right now. Don't want to seem disrespectful considering what has happened. But a part of me keeps saying that life does have to go on.

For those who have been through this before. Do you start feeling a little better as each day passes by?

 

[U2Girl1978]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[indra]

Thank you so much everyone for your support This really means a lot to me. Helps a lot to be surrounded by those who have been through this before. At times he could be a very difficult person to be around. But he was my grandfather and I loved him very much despite all of that.

Indra you answered a question that I was really wondering about. If I would be wrong to want to do something that some may deem inappropiate right now. Don't want to seem disrespectful considering what has happened. But a part of me keeps saying that life does have to go on.

For those who have been through this before. Do you start feeling a little better as each day passes by?

I know what you mean with the difficult to be around but still love bit. I had a similar relationship with my dad.

When my mum died and I was having a hard time cleaning out her things and closing her accounts and the like someone told me (I'm paraphrasing) "You mum understands. She knows how much you love her and she wants you to be happy." That made a lot of sense to me...I can't imagine that your grandfather wants you to be unhappy. It's not as if you will forget him, but you do have to move on.

The feeling better. It's hard to say...sometimes I would be moving right along thinking I was doing just great and then one day I'd wake up and just feel overwhelmed by grief. Or I'd see someone who reminded me of someone I'd lost, or various other reminders would pop up. As time has passed I do have those times (of overwhelming grief) less and the memories more sweet than sad, but I get tinges of sadness sometimes that I don't expect. It's just part of life.


Of course, your experinces may differ. Grief affents each person a bit differently. I hope this helps though.

 

[BonosBaby12]

Thank you Indra it helps more than you know The advice you have given makes so much sense. Feel so incredibly lucky to be surrounded by so many great people on here.

 

[greeneyedgirl]

 

[VintagePunk]

When my dad died, there was this bizarre sensation of feeling like MY world had stopped, and yet watching the rest of the world around me go on like normal just felt wrong. Like I was isolated, in my own world. If any of that makes sense.

In any case, you have my condolences. My thoughts will be with you and your family.

 

[tiny dancer]

My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Please member to take all time that you need to get through your grief.There is no set time when to stop. And remember to take care of your self, and try not to be hard on yourself.

 

[Muggsy]

 

[Mrs. Edge]

I am really sorry to hear that and I'm glad you have lots of friends here to commiserate with.

 

[BonosBaby12]

I really can't just begin to say how thankful I am right now. Am at a loss for words and so extremely grateful to each and everyone one of you. My heart goes out to all of those who have ever been through this before. I am sorry that is by these heartbreaking moments that words of wisdom were develop. 's to all of you. Reading your responses really has helped so very much.

 

[OceanGirl]

BonosBaby12, I'm sorry to hear of your loss. You are in my thoughts.

 

[Mr. BAW]

FYI, I am married to Bono's American Wife, Doozer is my sister and DeadMansParty is my son...with that preface, know that we recently lost my father this past November,,,we chronicled our feelings and we received an outpouring of wonderful thoughts and support from the Interference crew...its here, somewhere in ZC with another series of posts in my Journal...maybe you can gain some insight on what to expect over the next several weeks...My father's illness was swift, he was diagnosed as having Leukemia in May, he was gone by November..your's on the other hand apparent came without warning; I'm not sure which is better if there is such a thought...In the meantime, please accept our sincerest sorrows for you and your family...regards.

Mr. BAW

 

[Lila64]

We lost my father-in-law back in 2000 suddenly. Was a shock, and I still miss him Some days I can relive the whole day and what was going on and the phone call we received and the calls and things that had to be attended to right away. My daughter was almost 6 at the time and very close to her grandfather. We had to arrange for someone to pick her up from school because we got the original call close to school-time letting out, and we just weren't ready to tell her, and wondering how we were gonna tell her, which I couldn't do (I couldn't stop crying)

As indra said, everyone deals with grief differently, and the amount of time it takes is all normal, whether it's days, months or years. My Mom's Mom passed away in '93, and my Mom is still not over it... Just take it one day at a time

 

[mysticchild]

Sorry to hear about your grandfather. My last grandparent past away back in 99 and he was an amazing man. I was 31 then..

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

 

[BonosBaby12]

Mr Baw thank you for the very kind words With my grandfather going so suddenly it was a blessing that he didn't suffer. Truly believe it will help to read your previous posts. Helps so much to see that Im not alone. They say time heals all wounds but as everyone knows it's a matter of waiting for that time to arrive. Awoke this morning and it still seemed unreal that this happened. Can completely understand Lila with what you went through with the news of the sudden death of your father in law. I hope that things have become easier for you and everyone else who has lost a loved one

My grandmother has agreed to a small family service. Originally my grandfather's wishes were to be cremeated and that be the end of it. So though we will not be able to view him at least we can honor his memory. Just feel so guilty that I hadn't seen him for a few months.

Know I keep saying this but I really am so thankful for all of the wonderful responses I have received. Each and everyone of you are so very special. Thank you for thinking of me and my family during this time and being so supportive.

 

[Carek1230]

Hold on to the good memories.

 

[girlhappy]

Thank you so much everyone for your support This really means a lot to me. Helps a lot to be surrounded by those who have been through this before. At times he could be a very difficult person to be around. But he was my grandfather and I loved him very much despite all of that.
For those who have been through this before. Do you start feeling a little better as each day passes by?

How old are you, sweetie? I lost my grandmother in October and i am still not over it. I cant tell you anything but be brave and strong and yes, it is getting better. But as Indra says... you have times of grief. In my case it is mixed with a feeling you decribed...unreal. And i had terrible time and still have dreams about her very often. I think the best way is to be occupied, but as Tiny dancer says...you need to get through your grief. i loved my grannny dearly and it was my last granparent. You know... house doesnt make a home would be the right line. She lived with us for last 6 years since my grandfather died. And the house in the country was my home more than the one i live in my hometown. And now it is just a house. I still cant believe the news, but I suppose we must take a different point of view. Like..i try to think that my granny is in the better place now, and i am almost sure she is. She wasnt happy about life any more(she was 84) and maybe it would be selfish in a way to think that i want her to be here like forever. i dont know. it was all very suddenly and it was very cruel in a way( the whole situation in my life and especially this). But, you know, our grandparents would surely want us to be happy and not in grief. Try to think that way in a while.

 

[Lila64]

I find that sometimes you just want to cry - and my crying place is in the shower. I'm alone with my thoughts and I can just let it out. Wash the tears away... Take it one day at a time

 

[BluRmGrl]

BB12 - I just saw this thread and wanted to let you know you'll be in my thoughts. My sincere condolences to your family.

 

[BonosBaby12]

My best friend Aric had me stay the night with him Sunday night. Than yesterday we spent all day together and that really helped. We watched movies,had a few drinks together and just talked. Helped that he didn't treat me like I was fragile but kept things normal given the circumstances. Hoping his work scheldule will allow him to attend the service with me.

Now that Im back home I can feel myself finally starting to grieve. Slip into moments of being very quiet than when Im alone I allow myself to finally cry. Just have never been one to cry in front of others. And I know this may sound crazy but listening to U2 is really helping. Especially when I listen to Bono singing Amazing Grace. Brings up those emotions that Im keeping inside and let's them come out. Trying hard to do all that I can for my mom because I know she's stretched thin. She has my grandmother to worry about. Also she has my father to deal with who is being released today from the hospital. He has been there for over a week and is coming home with oxygen. And soon he will have go back to have pacemaker put in. So Im doing what I can because I know my mom needs all of the help she can get right now.

Btw girlhappy I am 26 going on 27 at the end of May. First time I have ever lost someone close. Really does help to know that he's no longer suffering. My grandmother said that Saturday my grandfather just felt really miserable. At least his suffering is over and he went quick. Is it crazy to think that my grandmother could just give up now that she's alone? Have heard so many times of one spouse dying than not long after the other passes away. They would have been married for 62 years this coming June. Know I shouldn't have thoughts of her dying but it keeps slipping into my mind. Going to do what has been suggested and just take one day at a time.

Thank you 's

 

[JCOSTER]

I am so very sorry for your loss, I know how special a grandfather is....sometimes more special than a father. I happened to have lost mine about 11 years and I was almost your age. I was quite sudden. I was on vacation and when I came back I got to say goodbye to him. He did tell me don't worry about me I will be fine I am going to a better place I can't wait. He was a very religious man and even liked U2 because Bono played the harmonica like he did. Amazing Grace was his favorite song. Even though it is very painful loosing him, in time you will look back and smile at all the precious memories you have of him. There isn't a day that goes by that I do not mention him or think of him. I hope memories will be comforting to you as they are to me.

 

[u2fan4eva]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss I hope your doing well as are your family Here's a HUG for you hope it helps

Love
Rachel

 

[BonosBaby12]

Thank you JC and Rachel Happy that their will be a service Saturday. However I will be relieved when it's over as I know it's not going to be easy. We are going to honor my grandfather's memory mostly. The minister handling the service has asked each of us to write a paragraph with our favorite memories.