My first confession....did i lose?

[Kiki]

Alright, so my boyfriend of 19 months, he and I live about 2,500 miles away. So aside from seeing each other every 6 weeks, we talk on the phone.
I've come to realize that he hates it when I have hung up on him in the past, and I swore last time I did it, that would be the last time. I've only done this a handful of times and most of it was due to the fact he was teasing me so much I got upset.

So last night I said bye to him, and I'd talk to him in about a half hour cuz I wanted to get cleaned up from coming home from work. He said okay but then went on about something else and I was already a little ticked because he shot down the plans I'd made specially for his bday. So I hung up. I figured, there was static on the line at one point, i said bye.....it didnt classify as a hang up, right? WRONG.

He's majorly pissed at me right now because it really hurts him when I hang up. Now I can understand how he feels because we are in a long distance relationship....so that is really shitty on my part. *sigh* so....we finally talk for 10 minutes tonight and he said he needs a few days to cool off and he'll call me later.

Now I'm freaked out that I've losts not only my best friend but the man I'm marrying due to my stupidity. I love him with all my heart and I just hope he realizes that. He means everything to me.

So...there ya go......I'm a stupid bitch who was tired from work.
uh......i'm not really a bitch....and im not really stupid...but with this i sure was......what do you think? we'll be okay?

 

[Lilly]

i guess i don't know your situation.


but if y'all are getting married, you better get good at problem and conflict resolution...this could be a good stepping stone.


just tell him the truth about it all - and probably don't hang up on him in the future.

 

[Bonochick]

First off...2500 mile away, and you get to see each other every 6 weeks??? I am so jealous. John is like 650 miles away, and it was a year before I last saw him.

ANYWAY...

John and I have a rule that we never hang up on each other...and that we don't hang up when we are mad at each other. We like to get things resolved before leaving each other because..well...you never know what could happen. He could be hit by a truck, and our last words to each other would have been spoken in anger. We don't risk that. We end every talk with an, "I love you".

However, you didn't hang up on him. You said goodbye, and he just didn't hear you because of the static. Therefore, he should not be mad at you.

Him saying he needs to "cool off for a few days" over something that you didn't purposely do doesn't seem right. He shouldn't avoid talking to you for a few days, especially if this is the man you are going to marry. He needs to be able to deal with conflict.

Sometimes, when I'm on the phone with John, and we get into a little argument over something, he will say, "I'm going to go...I just need time to think." Before I let him go though, I get him to stay on the line so that we can talk things through...to smooth out any wrinkles between us. Then he can have time to reflect on that when he does his thinking. It ends the conversation on a more positive note, and we don't leave angry or with pent up feelings.

From what you said, it doesn't seem to me like you did anything wrong...provided that when you said, "Bye", it wasn't just suddenly when he was in the middle of talking and then slamming down the phone quickly before he could reply.

 

[Cleasai]

I hope everything gets resolved peacefully and you two can get back to lovin' each other the way you outta

 

[Lemon Meringue]

Long distance relationships are tough. It sounds like you both need to work on how to comminicate to each other. Maybe you want to make an agreement like BC has to never hang up on each other. And maybe he needs to learn when he has gone too far with the teasing. If he calls you and your are too tired and cranky to talk, you guys might want to just plan on delaying your conversation until you've had time to chill out for a while...or if you are feeling tired and cranky, you might want to wait and call him later. This might help avoid some stress. Good luck. I'm sure it will be fine. Take care.

 

[adamswildhoney]

Dont know what to say just wanted to offer a

 

[Kiki]

Thanks guys so much for all your advice. We're definetly going to apply what you said, B; about what you and John do.
'
He started missing me Friday night and ended up calling my cell phone at 2 am and woke me up just to say he loved me. So all's good.
And thanks for the hugs AdamsW.

BC I hope you and John get to see each other soon.

 

[Elvis]

Kiki, I think you're incredibly BIG to be able to post and admit you think youve done something wrong. Ppl here have given you some great advice... and I totally know how your BF is feeling about the hangups. He just wants a lil respect... sounds like a nice guy.