namkcuR
ONE love, blood, life
Where do I start?
Ok....I have a cousin(my mom's sister's son, to be exact) who I am pretty close with...we haven't seen each other in over 13 months now, but we talk all the time on the internet via AIM. He is the same age as me - 21 - albiet three months older. Some of you may recall me saying in the past that I am half-Turkish because my mother is Turkish. Well, my cousin is all Turkish, both of his parents are Turkish, but he grew up in the states, in New Jersey.
Anyway, in 2001 he met a Turkish girl in Turkey while on a summer vacation there. By 2003, he had moved there for her. Between then and now, he's gone back and forth, living there, then in NJ, then there again, then NJ again, etc. He gave other reasons for being in Turkey, such as going to school there, etc., but we(his family) knew he was really only there for one reason: Her. And he admitted this much this past summer. In his heart he wants to live in the States full-time again. But not without her. Now, she WANTS to be in the States with him. So what's the problem you ask?
She has old-fashioned parents in Turkey who don't want her going to the United States to live with a boy unless they are married. Most of us in the family have known that for a year or two now. Well, my cousin and the girl came to visit his immediate family in New Jersey for the holidays. This past week it was time to for them to go back to Turkey and they...well, they didn't go. They just decided to blow off the expensive plane tickets because they don't want to go back to Turkey on a living basis. At all. Well, fine, that was a hasty impulse decision and irresponsible but not much more than that.
Enter two hours ago. My aunt calls and informs us that my cousin and the girl are going to get married tomorrow. No ceremony, nothing like that. Just the government municipal building thing. Sign the papers. That's it. In order for her to have her daddy's blessing.
THIS IS A MISTAKE. It is so wrong on the part of several different people. I know that they really do love each other. That's not an issue. Pretty much everything else is though.
The Girl's Daddy: I really can't stand parents like that. I've never met her parents and I know literally nothing about them, but if a little piece of paper with two signatures on it is really going to make such a big difference to them, then yes, they are type of parents that I can't stand. I am making an educated(based on information I will not divulge) guess that it's mainly her daddy. I am convinced that she thinks he won't support her if she goes against her parents' wishes and that he'll cut her off financially if she goes against her parents' wishes. That is not good parenting imo. But I suppose my opinion on parenting will be rendered invalid since I've never been a parent.
The Girl: I just feel like she is taking the easy way out by actually getting married. They are TOO YOUNG for this. It's a BIG MISTAKE. I feel like my cousin has made sacrifices for her, with regards to living in Turkey, going to a university he hard to time doing very well in(he didn't do very well), etc, and I feel like she's not willing to make sacrifices for him. I can't imagine what it must be like when simply saying to your parents 'I'm 21/22 years old, you don't dictate my life anymore' seems like such an impossible thing to do.
My Aunt: I am honestly a little astonished that she is allowing this to happen without being upset. She has always been somewhat of a permissive type, but I never thought she would just be ok with something like this. I know for a fact that if I was in my cousin's position, my mom would HAVE A FREAKING FIT.
My Cousin: He's in a tough position. I think he really loves the girl. I think he's willing to do whatever he has to to be with her. And I guess she just isn't willing to do the 'coming to the States' thing any other way than what her parents want, which is to be married. I just think - and I know it sounds weird for someone the same age as him to say this - he's young and hurrying too much into certain things. Neither of them have any money to speak of. They'll probably live under my Aunt's roof until further notice.
Look, they've been together for 4.5, going on 5 years now, and I think what they have is real. I just hate that the girl won't stand up to her parents and that there are parents like that in the world. Getting married at 21 for this reason is a mistake. Too young, no money, neither knows what they want to do in life other than be with each other, and all because the girl is, I believe, taking the easy way out.
And the worst part is that when I talk to him, I have to put on a happy face and pretend I'm happy for him, or at the very least do the 'I'm happy if you're happy' thing. I can't tell him what I really thing because he'd resent me.
Ok....I have a cousin(my mom's sister's son, to be exact) who I am pretty close with...we haven't seen each other in over 13 months now, but we talk all the time on the internet via AIM. He is the same age as me - 21 - albiet three months older. Some of you may recall me saying in the past that I am half-Turkish because my mother is Turkish. Well, my cousin is all Turkish, both of his parents are Turkish, but he grew up in the states, in New Jersey.
Anyway, in 2001 he met a Turkish girl in Turkey while on a summer vacation there. By 2003, he had moved there for her. Between then and now, he's gone back and forth, living there, then in NJ, then there again, then NJ again, etc. He gave other reasons for being in Turkey, such as going to school there, etc., but we(his family) knew he was really only there for one reason: Her. And he admitted this much this past summer. In his heart he wants to live in the States full-time again. But not without her. Now, she WANTS to be in the States with him. So what's the problem you ask?
She has old-fashioned parents in Turkey who don't want her going to the United States to live with a boy unless they are married. Most of us in the family have known that for a year or two now. Well, my cousin and the girl came to visit his immediate family in New Jersey for the holidays. This past week it was time to for them to go back to Turkey and they...well, they didn't go. They just decided to blow off the expensive plane tickets because they don't want to go back to Turkey on a living basis. At all. Well, fine, that was a hasty impulse decision and irresponsible but not much more than that.
Enter two hours ago. My aunt calls and informs us that my cousin and the girl are going to get married tomorrow. No ceremony, nothing like that. Just the government municipal building thing. Sign the papers. That's it. In order for her to have her daddy's blessing.
THIS IS A MISTAKE. It is so wrong on the part of several different people. I know that they really do love each other. That's not an issue. Pretty much everything else is though.
The Girl's Daddy: I really can't stand parents like that. I've never met her parents and I know literally nothing about them, but if a little piece of paper with two signatures on it is really going to make such a big difference to them, then yes, they are type of parents that I can't stand. I am making an educated(based on information I will not divulge) guess that it's mainly her daddy. I am convinced that she thinks he won't support her if she goes against her parents' wishes and that he'll cut her off financially if she goes against her parents' wishes. That is not good parenting imo. But I suppose my opinion on parenting will be rendered invalid since I've never been a parent.
The Girl: I just feel like she is taking the easy way out by actually getting married. They are TOO YOUNG for this. It's a BIG MISTAKE. I feel like my cousin has made sacrifices for her, with regards to living in Turkey, going to a university he hard to time doing very well in(he didn't do very well), etc, and I feel like she's not willing to make sacrifices for him. I can't imagine what it must be like when simply saying to your parents 'I'm 21/22 years old, you don't dictate my life anymore' seems like such an impossible thing to do.
My Aunt: I am honestly a little astonished that she is allowing this to happen without being upset. She has always been somewhat of a permissive type, but I never thought she would just be ok with something like this. I know for a fact that if I was in my cousin's position, my mom would HAVE A FREAKING FIT.
My Cousin: He's in a tough position. I think he really loves the girl. I think he's willing to do whatever he has to to be with her. And I guess she just isn't willing to do the 'coming to the States' thing any other way than what her parents want, which is to be married. I just think - and I know it sounds weird for someone the same age as him to say this - he's young and hurrying too much into certain things. Neither of them have any money to speak of. They'll probably live under my Aunt's roof until further notice.
Look, they've been together for 4.5, going on 5 years now, and I think what they have is real. I just hate that the girl won't stand up to her parents and that there are parents like that in the world. Getting married at 21 for this reason is a mistake. Too young, no money, neither knows what they want to do in life other than be with each other, and all because the girl is, I believe, taking the easy way out.
And the worst part is that when I talk to him, I have to put on a happy face and pretend I'm happy for him, or at the very least do the 'I'm happy if you're happy' thing. I can't tell him what I really thing because he'd resent me.
