MERGED --> Has anyone here dealt with Depression? + What are the symptoms of being...

[Thora]

Well said, Carek. I fully agree with everything you said.

 

[daygloeyes2]

I've dealt with it on and off since I was about 11. It started with problems with kids in school. At my lowest, I attempted suicide 3 times. Even though I'm still battling with it, I haven't been that low in a long time. Last year, I started taking medication. It's helped, but recently it's come back again due to personal issues. And it doesn't help that one side of my family has a history of bi-polar. But I deal with it. I talk to people I trust, write(it's a huge outlet for me), and listen to music. It doesn't always make me feel 100% better, but it helps.

Antidepressants aren't for everyone. If you do go on them, I'd start off with a low dosage at first then up it.

's for Jules.

 

[Carek1230]

^When you refer to writing do you mean journaling? I do that, have since high school and it is a real outlet for me, it helps a great deal. I call it conversations with myself.

daygloeyes

 

[joerags]

I'm feeling very depressed right now. I am so scared of the future, of being alone. I have no self-esteem. I am very ugly. No girl would ever like me. If I was a girl, I wouldn't like me because of how ugly I look. I wish I were dead. I always have suicidal thoughts and I'm afraid I will kill myself one day. I saw a therapist when I was 21-22. That was over 10 years ago. I stopped going and nothing has improved. I realize that I need help. Even tonight, as I was looking into the mirror, I began to cry because it hurts so much to look at myself. I can't help but think that I am the ugliest guy in the world. I try to say to myself, "just be yourself and people will like you. They'll look beyond how you look if you just be nice to people, have a positive outlook and smile and be happy." My depression comes and goes, but when it comes it is really painful, like now. why can't I accept who I am? I am really afraid that I am going to kill myself. I need to go back and get help.

 

[Carek1230]

joerags......you are saying all the right things in your post. Just be yourself, people will accept you for who you are and look beyond whatever it is that you feel makes you feel ugly. Let yourself have your good and bad days, but it is the comments about suicide and wishing you were dead that are concerning. Please do reach out and get some help...there are lots of people to talk to, and talking things through will hopefully help you understand why you are having these feelings and you can get help treating your depression if it is diagnosed as such.

You write very well, so I can tell you are an intelligent kind hearted and caring person. I don't know about the low self esteem comment because you also say you know you should just be yourself and people will like you. This is true!

Feel free to PM or email me if you need someone to talk to, because I can understand your feelings and your fears. But please don't do anything to physically harm yourself. I am sure there are people who love you and care about you and you wouldn't want to hurt them by doing anything to harm yourself. Don't think about the future.....think about what you can do for yourself to get through the night....and then what you will do tomorrow to get through the day, and do that hour by hour or minute by minute if you have to. We all have good and bad days, and life is one day at a time really.

Please don't do anything to hurt yourself. Talk to us, we are here to listen.

 

[U2Girl1978]

Joe, please get help before it's too late.

 

[Carek1230]

Check back in with us Joe......

 

[Cabcere]

Joe, I'm so sorry to hear about all that you're going through right now. I know it probably rings hollow, but I've been in a similar situation...for a long time I thought I was the ugliest girl in the world and that no man would ever (or could ever) love me. I also had frequent suicidal thoughts, and although I never actually attempted to end my life, I did cut myself. It was sort of like trying to get physical scars to match my emotional wounds, I guess. Anyway, I got help, and while my life is far from perfect, I'm doing a lot better now, and I'm even dating someone now. I don't want to sound preachy, but seriously, I can empathize with at least part of your situation, and I promise you things can and will get better. You sound like a wonderful, caring, and intelligent person, and I would imagine you're not as "ugly" as you think - at any rate, I think you have true beauty on the inside, and that's what counts. I know it sounds trite and shallow, but I honestly believe it. Please keep in touch and let us know how you're doing, and feel free to PM me or send me an instant message if you ever want to talk - my screen name on AOL is the same as my user name here. My thoughts are with you, friend!

 

[Carek1230]

That's a really nice caring and sincere message, Cabcere, and please let us know if you do hear from Joe please. Perhaps because you shared your act of phyiscally harming yourself (and I do believe you are right about the physical scar to match the emotional wounds, there is a LOT to be said about the connection there) Joe might respond to you in particular. Also glad to hear that things turned around for you. They can if you allow things to and are patient with the processs it takes to get there.

 

[youtooellen]

just a question to anyone on antidepressants..

when you went through the phase of getting prescribed to an antidepressant and sorts, did you ever feel you were being judged by friends and/or family?

if so, what did you do as a result?

---

right now I'm at that phase.. well kind of.. but like I've indirectly pointed out earlier, I'm sort of avoiding the whole 'talking to a therapist and they'll find a psychiatrist who will give you the right meds' thing. I'm usually very conservative.. but some friends of mine found out about my situation and now they're basically giving me a " -ish" attitude and I'm not quite sure of what to do.
my cousin also found out from my mom and aunt and she's third-degreeing me about how I feel and whatnot. it's actually a bit infuriating/irritating..

any tips on how to handle the situation or what I should do?

 

[Cabcere]

Youtooellen, I can somewhat relate to your situation. As I say, I've been on antidepressants for several years now, but I do remember it was a bit awkward at the beginning. Obviously my immediate family knew, and they were (for the most part) pretty cool about it - especially once the meds started taking effect and I became a bit more like my "old self." I didn't really tell my friends at first, for fear that they would judge me, but I remember one day I was joking around with a couple of friends in band class and I mentioned something about taking pills or something, and then I told them what it was for and they were pretty understanding. It turns out that one of the girls had a mom who was on the same medication as me, so naturally she understood, and the other girl was just honestly happy that I had gotten help. I had never really mentioned my depression beforehand, but being the perceptive friend she was, she had known something was wrong and could tell that I seemed to be acting differently. That said, I still don't exactly brag about being on antidepressants, lol, but if the subject comes up I am honest about it, and my experience so far has been that people are generally pretty mature about dealing with it. Some people might act differently towards you at first, but usually once they see that you're the same person you always were (only not as depressed!), they'll come around. I know that was rather long-winded, lol, but I hope it answered your question.

 

[Carek1230]

Youtwoellen I didn't even talk about mine. I wasn't sure I really wanted to take them and my doctor gave me some information, told me to read it, think about it and we talked about it again. It takes about 2 weeks for the meds to really start working as it should. I was a bit tired at first, and felt a bit sluggish but gradually I felt happier and then my moods on a much more even keel. It felt "healthy". I was sleeping better, exercising, eating better. I was seeing a counselor who helped put the stress in perspective and basically my life was in check and balance. I still several years later don't talk about the medication with many people. I figure it is just part of me and a part I don't share. I don't feel embarrassed about it, it's just something I don't talk about. My son is thankful for the medication as it was during the thick of his teen angst when the Effexor was prescribed. If he catches me in a sour mood or stressed today (things are MUCH IMPROVED with him and his life, he cleaned up his act thank goodness) he will make a joking comment like "Mom have you taken your medication?"

On a side note there have been studies about pre and menopausal women who when prescribed antidepressants experience less "hormonal" challenges while going through this phase of life.

 

[youtooellen]

thanks a lot for the info Cabcere and Carek

I'm still a bit nervous about the whole antidepressant thing and I get really.. awkward when my school guidance counselor keeps poking about it at me.
I think if anyone talks to me about depression and everything, I get in this uneasy state. Especially with my friends because they think it's a touchy subject for me, when all I really want to do is talk to them about it, but they know they wouldn't understand. Plus, they know they'd judge me no matter if they say they won't (sorry if I'm not making sense).

to be honest, I don't know how to discuss the topic to anyone. Even with my therapist I felt really awkward and I couldn't even be straight forward. I would beat around the bush and the hour would go to waste .
Maybe it's because I'm so conservative and to be open about myself is a change for me?.....

 

[Carek1230]

Do you have a physician you can trust and one you can talk to easily? That might be a better route for you to go, an MD can prescribe the medication and they can also monitor your health both physically and mentally. Friends are great, but I Feel that sometimes they just don't or wouldn't completely understand, so I can absolutely understand how you feel. And family....well, they care and just want you to be healthy and happy. A neutral person, a professional like a health care worker knowledgeable in the area of clinical depression would be the best help for you and a good support tool as well. I think I already posted earlier about how much I really do respect my doctor, she is great and I Feel I can talk to her about anything at all.

I don't think you are being too conservative, youtwoellen, more that you are being cautious and understandable so. Depression itself is difficult to deal with let alone if you don't feel you can talk to anyone about it or get the help you think you need. That can be stressful. I just know I Feel better talking about things. I think I am conservative in that I don't jump into things, I will sleep on it, research and talk things out before making a decision in my life.

 

[youtooellen]

^ (sorry for a late response Carek, I haven't had internet access for a few days or so ..)

but no, in response to your questions, I don't really think I have a physician I can trust or talk to easily...

I'll be honest, this is the situation I'm in right now: my school social worker gave me a few numbers for me to get in contact with. they're numbers to clinics and also in the clinic, therapists and psychiatrists. She gave me the numbers late December..
and I haven't called or anything yet. After I avoided my last therapist because I felt uncomfortable talking to her, the school social worker insisted on me calling the numbers she gave me. As much as I want to call, I fear the entire process of 'seeking help'...
There's more to it, but I think I'll cut to the point. I'm just really confused on what I should do or could do..

I actually kept telling myself that I'll research, sleep on it, and just figure things out first before calling. But it's already been over a month, I'm going out of my way to avoid my school guidance counselor and the school social worker... and I'm still in debate between calling and not calling.

I feel like I'm not considering certain things or perhaps being.. 'overly cautious'? Usually I'm known to be reckless and just jump into things.. but this is probably one of the rare moments where I've set the situation aside and analyzed the entire thing as a whole.

any advice on what I should do or consider?

 

[hiphop]

any advice on what I should do or consider?

yeah. you should accept help. if you don´t accept it and tell yourself you probably don´t need it, things are not going to get any better.

as to your friends, thank them for being there for you and tell them you will talk about it when you want to talk about it, when you need their help you might turn to them, but at the moment you´re ok and you just need them to be there. tell them it´s a very personal thing and you don´t really want to talk about it unless you really need their help.

and just call the numbers the guy gave you. my god, what can happen? in the telephone conversation, you will find out how they react. to telephone doesn´t mean you have to go there to accept their help, even if it would be the best thing to do. a telephone call is nothing, you don´t even have to tell your name.

then, if you like the people and like what they say, fix a date.

but first of all, you need to do something about your situation. you need to accept help.

 

[girlhappy]

I'm feeling very depressed right now. I am so scared of the future, of being alone. I

Is it getting better?
I dont feel ugly, but i got low self-esteem and depression.
I know what you mean. You are probably pretty sensitive and you need to get some kind of protection. You need to build that around you.(I am trying to do it at this point).

 

[chickadee]

I have depression. I think everyone's already given the good advice though. Talk to someone, is the main thing. I HATE talking to people about myself but sometimes it's the best way to deal. And don't let anyone put you on any medication unless you're absolutely sure, because as much as that might seem the easy option, it's not for everyone, me included.

 

[youtooellen]

yeah. you should accept help. if you don´t accept it and tell yourself you probably don´t need it, things are not going to get any better.

as to your friends, thank them for being there for you and tell them you will talk about it when you want to talk about it, when you need their help you might turn to them, but at the moment you´re ok and you just need them to be there. tell them it´s a very personal thing and you don´t really want to talk about it unless you really need their help.

and just call the numbers the guy gave you. my god, what can happen? in the telephone conversation, you will find out how they react. to telephone doesn´t mean you have to go there to accept their help, even if it would be the best thing to do. a telephone call is nothing, you don´t even have to tell your name.

then, if you like the people and like what they say, fix a date.

but first of all, you need to do something about your situation. you need to accept help.

it's not that I don't accept help. I accept it plenty and I know that I need help. I've kind of felt this way for a while and I knew since day 2 that I needed help..

it's just that the whole idea of depression is pretty much 'looked down upon' by my parents. they don't think that depression is really an illness, more of something that someone gets when they're unsatisfied with their wealth, belongings, or whatever.
my mom is a specific barrier actually.. she was one of the reasons why I stopped going to my therapist.
as much as I'd like to call, I know that I'd need permission with my mom before I do it or go there. she fails to grasp the meaning of depression as an illness rather than a single emotion.

(the funny thing about it, is that the therapist was supposed to help me communicate with my mom to help her understand more about me .. I think it's obvious to say she didn't do a spectacular job.. )

should I just call without parental consent and just go about on my merry way? does anyone know if I'm even allowed to do that? oh geez. I didn't even think about that..
(I know for a fact that I'm going to call sometime this week..)

thanks for the advice hiphop

 

[Carek1230]

I don't know how old you are, but is there a counselor or someone at your school that you trust that perhaps you could speak with and maybe with the help of school they can support you and sort of over-ride your parents in getting you some help since it sounds like that is what you are afraid of or that is what's blocking you from getting the help in dealing with your depression....unfortunately clinical depression is more widespread than a LOT of people realize, and it is an illness that can be treated with therapy and medication. I hope you can find someone to help you out. Good luck, keep checking back.

 

[WinnieThePoo]

i had somekind of depression for about 5 years
but i don't think it was depression per se , mor like inability to make my own choices and be active , not passive

once i got that , it stopped ,
with every day it gets better ,
i do what Iant to do and what I decide to do ,
not parents ,
Bono
or freakin Miss Marple ,
it happened 3 months , simple thruths of life ,


remember john lennon's song - " whatever gets you ugh the night is alright " , that's the key , read choke by chuck Palaniuk , don't be afraid , be strong ,


we all feel blue , sad etc
don't be afraid to shout it outloud
be real
It's yourself

Learn from others
but do not take their word ,. think about
if you don't agree , so be it
it is you , it is now
and nothing else will matter in your life

do stuff to relax
do the stuff , you like
don't be afraid to change your opinion
fight for your life

live like it's the last day
be natural
find yourself
be comfortable

don't be afraid to fight for honor
use your instincts , they 200% pure
make your damn mind
sun is outhere
clock is ticking
smell the flowers
be patient
be tough on yourself
be all that you can be
be free with your temple , be free

make your own choice

Death is natural

Life is worth it all
Run

Go

Jump

Smile

Cry

Forget everything that i just wrote


Yours Truly

John / Ivan
Z
/black

 

[youtooellen]

I don't know how old you are, but is there a counselor or someone at your school that you trust that perhaps you could speak with and maybe with the help of school they can support you and sort of over-ride your parents in getting you some help since it sounds like that is what you are afraid of or that is what's blocking you from getting the help in dealing with your depression....unfortunately clinical depression is more widespread than a LOT of people realize, and it is an illness that can be treated with therapy and medication. I hope you can find someone to help you out. Good luck, keep checking back.

I'm 16 Carek and I don't think there's much at my school who can help me out. I'm sure they can, it's just that I choose to avoid having my school involved with any of my family relations and going-ons. During school some of the involved teachers would call me or my brother out during class to 'talk' and I could tell it was irritating my brother, I mean it was irritating me too. Are teachers allowed to do that during the school day anyways? I never understood why they'd do that, especially in the middle of class .

I'm thinking that instead of going to therapy where my parents need to know or seeking help with my parents knowledge, I'll just go to a response center around my area or something. I've found a few places nearby so I think it could work. If not, I'll last resort it and just talk to the school social worker.. again.

thanks for the kind words Carek
and many thanks to everyone in this thread

 

[Cabcere]

I'm 16 Carek and I don't think there's much at my school who can help me out. I'm sure they can, it's just that I choose to avoid having my school involved with any of my family relations and going-ons. During school some of the involved teachers would call me or my brother out during class to 'talk' and I could tell it was irritating my brother, I mean it was irritating me too. Are teachers allowed to do that during the school day anyways? I never understood why they'd do that, especially in the middle of class .

I'm thinking that instead of going to therapy where my parents need to know or seeking help with my parents knowledge, I'll just go to a response center around my area or something. I've found a few places nearby so I think it could work. If not, I'll last resort it and just talk to the school social worker.. again.

thanks for the kind words Carek
and many thanks to everyone in this thread

Youtooellen, I can totally understand your not wanting to get school officials involved in your personal life. Although I'm sure most of them are well-intentioned and just trying to help, sometimes it can backfire and/or just be plain annoying. For example, my senior year of high school (after I had been on meds for over a year and was doing much, much better on the depression front), I was just messing around one day and wore my friend's cowboy hat into the lunchroom. The vice principal approached me and asked me to take the hat off, which I did. The next day she called me into her office and asked me if everything was all right, because I had been acting "different" from my previously somewhat withdrawn (and I suppose in the eyes of the administration, "well-behaved") self. I told her I was fine, apologized for the hat incident, and after a lengthy grilling and interrogation session that (I thought) established I was fine and had just been in a cocky mood that day, I returned to class. Later that week, I found out that the vice principal had been questioning all of my teachers about me behind my back, accessing my academic records, and basically performing a whole background check on me - just because I had a hat on for about five minutes one day. She apparently flipped out even more over one of my friends who was studying in the library during lunch one day - called his mother at work to ask about him.

Anyway, I'm not trying to make you paranoid or anything, just saying that I understand why you're not quite willing to open up to just anyone. The therapy plan you've mentioned sounds like a good idea, and I applaud you for looking into other options that you feel might benefit you more. (You're already doing way better than I was at age sixteen! Gosh, now I sound like an old fart... ) Anyway, good luck with finding someone you can talk to and trust, and keep us posted on your progress, ok? I'll be thinking about you, and others in similar situations. Keep on keepin' on!

 

[Carek1230]

I'm 16 Carek and I don't think there's much at my school who can help me out. I'm sure they can, it's just that I choose to avoid having my school involved with any of my family relations and going-ons. During school some of the involved teachers would call me or my brother out during class to 'talk' and I could tell it was irritating my brother, I mean it was irritating me too. Are teachers allowed to do that during the school day anyways? I never understood why they'd do that, especially in the middle of class .

I'm thinking that instead of going to therapy where my parents need to know or seeking help with my parents knowledge, I'll just go to a response center around my area or something. I've found a few places nearby so I think it could work. If not, I'll last resort it and just talk to the school social worker.. again.

thanks for the kind words Carek
and many thanks to everyone in this thread

I can understand how you feel about your privacy, youtwoellen, and I must say that for age 16 you do sound like you have a wonderful handle on just what you feel you can try for some help and support that you are comfortable with. Keep up the efforts. Of course you know you have all of us here to listen and support you as well.

Altho I value my privacy too, there came a time when I felt so distraught and unable to control my son and all he was going through and my own feelings that I needed to let go and allow someone else to try to help me. I slowly got back on track again, and it was comforting knowing I had someone I could trust, who I would see every week. It was actually a sad day when I said good bye to my counselor. I learned a lot through those 2 years of weekly sessions, and I draw from that experience when I am having a not-so-good day.

Good luck to you, I will be thinking of you also and do keep checking back to say hello and let us know how you are doing, or if you just want to chat!

 

[U2Girl1978]

Hi all,
A little update for you.. I went to the doctor and I described what I was feeling and it is definitely Seasonal Affective Disorder. She says try to get that light box and exercise more. Something about endorphins. So, I just wanted to say thanks for all the advice in here and kind words. It's great that we are all giving advice and being there for the other person.

 

[yolland]

^ Good news, U2Girl. Here is where I got my light box: http://www.sunbox.com . Be sure to check their Specials page, and also do some comparison shopping to find the best prices. The book Winter Blues that I mentioned gives some tips for which features to prioritize when shopping; I think it also gives some tips on how to make your own if the commercial ones are just too expensive.

Also wanted to post this article from today's New York Times, which may be of relevant interest to some women in here:

Antidepressants May Harm Infants' Lungs, Report Says

By BENEDICT CAREY
February 9, 2006

Expectant mothers who took antidepressants like Prozac late in their pregnancy were significantly more likely to give birth to an infant with a rare but serious breathing problem, doctors are reporting today.

The lung disorder, called persistent pulmonary hypertension, strikes 1 to 2 newborns in 1,000, on average, and can be fatal. In babies exposed to antidepressants during the last few months of pregnancy, the study found, the rate was six times as high: 6 to 12 newborns in 1,000.

In a news conference yesterday, Dr. Sandra L. Kweder, an official at the Food and Drug Administration, which was not involved in the research, said that the study results were "very worrisome," and that the agency planned to search its own database of adverse events for further evidence of risk. She said the F.D.A. would consider whether to require manufacturers to make labeling changes and conduct postmarketing studies to clarify the risk.

The findings, published today in The New England Journal of Medicine, are the latest in a series of reports that highlight the tough choices that face millions of women with depression who are pregnant or plan to be. Untreated maternal depression can also harm a developing fetus, experts say, and last week researchers reported in a study that 68 percent of pregnant women who quit taking antidepressants relapsed, compared with 26 percent of those who stayed on the drugs.

But studies have found that up to one-third of babies exposed to antidepressants in the womb suffer temporary withdrawal symptoms like agitation. The F.D.A. has warned that one popular depression drug, Paxil, from GlaxoSmithKline, may increase the risk of rare heart problems in newborns exposed to the medication in utero.

"It's very important to get across that we don't know for certain that the drugs actually caused persistent pulmonary hypertension, and that if they did, the risk is still low, about one in a hundred," said the new study's lead author, Dr. Christine Chambers, an assistant professor of pediatrics at the University of California, San Diego, who worked with researchers from Boston University and Harvard. "But women should be informed."

Psychiatrists estimate that 10 percent to 15 percent of pregnant women suffer bouts of depression, and at least 1 in 10 of those take antidepressants.

Between 1998 and 2003, the research team interviewed 377 women who had recently given birth to a baby with persistent pulmonary hypertension, asking about medical history and drugs taken during pregnancy. The researchers found that 3.7 percent of the infants had been exposed to commonly prescribed antidepressants after the 20th week of pregnancy, about six times the rate among infants in a comparison group of healthy babies born at the same time.

The antidepressants belong to a class of drugs that acts in the brain to prolong the action of a mood-related messenger chemical called serotonin. They included Celexa, from Forest Laboratories; Zoloft, from Pfizer; Paxil; and Prozac, from Eli Lilly.

In their paper, the researchers argue that the drugs may hinder the body's production of agents that help blood vessels dilate. If the vessels in a newborn's lungs do not open properly, they cannot absorb sufficient oxygen, and the body may reflexively hold its breath, further starving itself of air, doctors say. Giving an infant oxygen, or nitric oxide, which helps open vessels, often relieves the problem. An estimated 10 percent to 20 percent of cases are severe enough that doctors may connect an affected child to an artificial lung.

Obstetricians, psychiatrists and pediatricians agree that pregnant women taking the drugs should consult their doctors to decide how to proceed. Stopping antidepressant therapy can cause withdrawal effects as well as relapse, they say.

Dr. Timothy Oberlander, a developmental pediatrician at the University of British Columbia, said that the new study added to a small but growing literature that was helping clarify the risks of specific drugs taken during pregnancy.

"You're talking about small numbers here, but it's clear that there are a group of babies that have more side-effects from exposure to these drugs than most," Dr. Oberlander said, "and women need to weigh this against the risk of untreated depression, which not only affects the mother but the context in which the child is raised."

 

[Carek1230]

Hi all,
A little update for you.. I went to the doctor and I described what I was feeling and it is definitely Seasonal Affective Disorder. She says try to get that light box and exercise more. Something about endorphins. So, I just wanted to say thanks for all the advice in here and kind words. It's great that we are all giving advice and being there for the other person.

Good news! I'll bet you feel so much more relieved after having spoken to a doctor too. I hope the light box and exercising works. I really need to exercise more, and maybe since you've mentioned it was suggested to you to do more I will do the same! So I will thank YOU for the added motivation I need. (I actually cannot wait until we change the clocks again then we will have daylight when I get home from work and not darkness and I can walk....my neighborhood is not too safe to walk around in at night).

 

[Cabcere]

Hi all,
A little update for you.. I went to the doctor and I described what I was feeling and it is definitely Seasonal Affective Disorder. She says try to get that light box and exercise more. Something about endorphins. So, I just wanted to say thanks for all the advice in here and kind words. It's great that we are all giving advice and being there for the other person.

Yay! Glad to hear that you've got the problem figured out and can do something about it now, U2Girl1978.

 

[Carek1230]

Hug for all today! It's FRIDAY!!!

 

[verte76]

I've been dealing with depression pretty much my whole life, and am currently taking meds to deal with the problem.